Wednesday, August 13, 2014

141- Dying Horribly

Dane: [GM] You all continue back to camp without incident. There's a lot of people around and they're swarming the truck waiting to see what happened.
Joe: [OOC] I could totally make an incident between here and there.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari gets out of the truck back at camp. She has the crystal in her arms. "Could really use some personal space right about now."
Soo:[Kali dVostog] Kali gets out as well, looking around. "Be ever so humble, there's no place like crazy-cult-camp."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey dusts off his jacket. "Oddly, there's probably less people here tryin' to kill us."
Soo: [OOC] We really should figure out what we're going to do here. Are we totally handing one of the keys to the apocalypse over to a guy who totally, you know, wants one of those?
Joe: [OOC] I'll give us some space.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beef jumps out of the truck. "Hey everyone! We just did something cool on behalf of your prophet guy! Make some space you ass-bandits!" He then takes the crystal from Mari and starts to wave it around. "Oooh, shiny!"
Ian: [OOC] Is 'ass-bandit' a setting appropriate word?
Kyle: [OOC] I'm fairly sure 'setting appropriate' is one of the default casualties of Joe's characters.
Dane: [GM] Despite Lord Beefstorm's terrible way of saying so, he is correct and people begin to get out of the group's way as they walk  toward Grandmaster Trant's home.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "What do you suppose Trant will say when we get this to him" Kali says at low volume.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Seein' a pattern over my career? Probably send us to git more a' these things."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I'm just curious at what point we're going to, you know, be heroes, stop gaining the cult's trust and stop them."
Dane: [Techie] "I'm trying to analyze the situation. If we strike to early, they'll be able to retry and have another go. We need to act when the blow will be decisive."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We could shoot Grandmaster Trant in the face as we go in. That'd hold things up."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Love, I'd like our plan to involve us not being butchered by cultists."
Ian: [Mari Shahso] "It's always the little details I miss..."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Maybe we could sabotage it in some way..."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Ooh, we could put a bomb on it and give it to Trant, then blow it up the moment he touches it!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Again, I would like to live through the plan."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We're not going to get anywhere with this if your not willing to take some compromises like 'dying horribly'."

Monday, August 11, 2014

140- Sweet, Sweet Fan-Art

Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari hefts the crystal and loot. "I guess we should head on back to town now, right?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks over and points back towards the cult camp. "I'm all for letting this day end. It has been rather silly, all things being considered."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey strolls along, adjusting his shoulders. "I reckon Grandmaster Trant'll want this thing quickly."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm walks along, scanning the horizon for threats. 
Joe: [OOC] Oh right, new scene, that means Techie can pull out another useful item.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Hey Techie, can you like, produce a car to take us back to town faster?
Dane: [Techie] "Why in the name of insanity would I be able to 'produce' a car?"
Joe: [OOC] Her ability to produce items is limited by rarity. A common motorcar is well within her range.
Dane: [OOC] Thematically, that skill represents her having the right tools for various jobs. It's a Batman utility-belt sort of system. She can't just produce a car at random.
Joe: [OOC] So have her produce the keys for one and we'll find it along the way.
Dane: [GM] That is stupid and I'm not playing along.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "You're the worst follower ever. You do know that, right?"
Dane: [Techie] Techie just looks confused.
Kyle: [OOC] Why are you in such a rush to get back to camp anyhow? 
Joe: [OOC] Last time we were walking back to camp from a mission for Grandmaster Trant, Soo decided to murder my character. I'd like to get back to the safety of being surrounded by apocalyptic cultists.
Soo: [OOC] Last time we were walking back from a mission for Grandmaster Trant you murdered a child and a village full of people.
Joe: [OOC] Good times, good times.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali is starting to feel a curious urge to smother her own brother with a pillow.
Ian: [OOC] I'd advise against making this into a habit, Soo.
Soo: [OOC] I'm just fooling around. I would never let my personal feelings about a player effect how I play my character.
Kyle: [OOC] And that doodle of Kali tackling Lord Beefstorm with a butterfly knife was?
Soo: [OOC] Purely fan-art. Sweet, sweet fan-art.
Dane: [GM] On second thought, there's totally an abandoned truck over there and Techie can produce a tool kit to hotwire it. Hotwire it quickly before something bad happens.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "We're gonna call it the Beefmobile!"
Kyle: [OOC] No we are not.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

139- Nice Save

Dane: [GM] The crystal hurtles through the air and streaks off into the middle-distance. Oh and the scene is over so Lord Beefstorm recovers one minor wound.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "We sha' probableh go git that."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm stands up, dusts of his clothing and shrugs. "If we're lucky, it landed back at camp already."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali starts to walk off in the general direction it went. "Let's just get this day over with. It's been far too silly."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari tags along with Kali. "I'll fix some coffee for the road once we find the crystal."
Dane: [Techie] Techie rubs her head and pops some OTC pain medicine. "You don't suppose it could have shattered when it landed, do you?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Never speak like that!"
Dane: [Techie] Techie seems rather put off by Beef's tone. "Why not?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] All Lord Beefstorm can offer is manly silence.
Joe: [OOC] I don't know how to say "because it puts ideas into the GM's head" in-character.
Dane: [GM] I'm playing Techie. Anything she says is already, by default, in my head.
Kyle: [OOC] Except for the stuff you just impulsively add.
Dane: [GM] I plan my adventures rather throughly, I'll have you know.
Joe: [OOC] Oh really? Then the ninja strippers when we played Dark Heresy were completely a well thought-out and implemented element of the Warhammer 40k universe?
Dane: [GM] We said we would never speak of that campaign again.
Soo: [OOC] You guys played Dark Heresy? I loved the wargame in under-grad. How was it?
Kyle: [OOC] Things happened. THINGS.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari keeps looking for the crystal, in no way trying to derail this conversation.
Joe: [OOC] I mean, the acid sharks could sort of make sense in the context of the setting.
Dane: [GM] Never speaking of it again!
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari keeps looking REALLY HARD for the crystal.
Ian: [OOC] Look! I typed 'really hard', Joe!
Joe: [OOC] Hehe, it's funny because it's a phrase can be used to refer to genitals! Wait, what were we discussing?
Soo: [OOC] Good save.
Dane: [GM] And, as if by the favor of the gods themselves, Mari just finds the crystal. But wait, underneath the crystal. Is that...
Dane: [GM] Wait, what does your mage like?
Ian: [OOC] Money and fancy teas.
Dane: [GM] Money and fancy teas!
Soo: [OOC] Should have said Mari likes plot devices.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

138- Seriously Stretched Logic

Dane: [GM] The stone plug is now rushing up the tunnel with a terrific roar, smashing everything in it's path.
Kyle: [OOC] Is running going to work?
Dane: [GM] Why would I tell you how to solve a challenge? That's your end of the GM/Player relationship.
Soo: [OOC] Because I'm adorable?
Dane: [GM] Nope.
Ian: [OOC] Because you secretly care about us?
Dane: [GM] Nope.
Joe: [OOC] Because I know where you live?
Dane: [GM] As evidenced by that time we tried to split a pack of fries last week, I would win.
Kyle: [OOC] Because I have a back-order of products at your comic book shop to pay for and Bailey's untimely demise will send me into a grief so dark that I might not be able to recover and come pay for that merch till next week.
Dane: [GM] But I need that money to rent extra chairs. I'm hosting a regional Magic card thing this weekend!
Kyle: [OOC] Suddenly things look a bit more friendly in this relationship.
Dane: [GM] Fine, no. Running would not get you far enough and it's moving faster than you.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali let's go of Lord Beefstorm and starts to run. "Hurry up! Hurry up!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey runs along side her. "I dun' think we can outrun it!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Yes! But the faster we're moving in the same direction, the less the impact with the stone will hurt.
Dane: [Techie] Techie looks back at Lord Beefstorm "Should we leave him there?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I'm sure the plug will just push him along too."
Dane: [GM] The stone plug catches up to the party. It catches Lord Beefstorm's unconscious body, then the rest of you, pushing you against the flat surface as it races up the tunnel!
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey winces at the G-force. "Ugg... well yall. I reckon this might be the end. Been a pleasure."
Dane: [GM] The tunnel entrance is right up ahead, the white light of outside bathing the edges of the shuddering passage!
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Lord Beefstorm's body rolls around till his crotch is on Bailey's face.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Yeah, up until the whole 'about to die' thing, this seemed pretty fun."
Dane: [GM] The stone plug shoots out of the tunnel with huge popping sound. The stone is briefly airborne before smashing into a scrubby tree outside the temple grounds. The stone shatters on impact and that takes a lot of the force for you. Everyone gets one unavoidable minor wound and you're now stuck in a tree.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "How did that work? I mean, err, hooray it worked!"
Ian: [OOC] That's some seriously stretched logic.
Dane: [GM] I'd be happy to horrifically induce compound fractures on your character until the only IC action you can take is begging for the sweet release of death.
Ian: [OOC] Hooray it worked!
Dane: [Techie] Techie suddenly sock-puppets for the GM and says "I feel like we overlooked something."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "I'm sure Beefstorm's body's 'round here somewhere."
Dane: [GM] The crystal. The whole reason for being here. It's currently sailing through the air after shooting out of the tunnel with you. It streaks across the sky and down into the valley.
Ian: [OOC] Cartoon physics is a wacky, wacky double-edged sword.

Monday, August 4, 2014

137- That Can Be Fixed

Dane: [Techie] Techie doesn't seem to have any input.
Kyle: [OOC] How did Techie not have any input on this. She's a scientist!
Dane: [GM] She's a technician, not a scientist. Even if she was one, she's not a physicist.
Kyle: [OOC] Great, now we know who not to call when we need something's polarity reversed.
Soo: [OOC] I'm going to have to calibrate my own tachyon particles?
Kyle: [OOC] Apparently.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari starts her totally-going-to-work plan to cool off the lava by pulling the heat out of it with magic.
Dane: [GM] The plan oddly works and now you've managed to make a single stone clot covering the entrance to the hallway because I'm far too tired to come up with a good scientific reason why it shouldn't.
Ian: [OOC] I love it when a plan comes together.
Joe: [OOC] I love it when a plan hinges on the ignorance and apathy of the GM.
Dane: [GM] Hush up, you're still unconscious.
Joe: [OOC] My character is, not me.
Dane: [GM] That can be fixed.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey heads up to the exit and ponders the stones that fell to block the way out.
Dane: [GM] There's a couple of fallen pillars but mercifully the stone here is porous, volcanic local material and it's not hard to move relative to the size of it. The time Mari bought the group is enough that you don't need to roll for it to clear the way if everyone helps.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey sets the crystal down and shoves. "Gimme a 'and 'ere!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali helps a little with her hip, still dragging Beefstorm.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari shoves into it with her back.
Dane: [GM] The pillar rolls out of the way and you can see light up ahead.
Ian: [OOC] I'm curious. 
Dane: [GM] Go on...
Ian: [OOC] Why did you say 'the time Mari bought the group'?
Dane: [GM] Because this is about to happen...
Dane: [GM] The stone plug Mari made begins to shudder and then suddenly begins to shoot up the corridor like a cork! The pressure built up means a big slab of stone, backed by a wall of lava, is about to hit you.
Soo: [OOC] Well tits...
Dane: [GM] I know very little about physics, but I'm a GM so I know a LOT about massive amounts of pressure welling up behind the scenes.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

136- I'm Sciencing!

Dane: [GM] I'm not an expert on say, architecture, but you're now in a narrow tunnel with lava rising at one end and the roof caving in. I think you know what you need to do. Unfortunately the stones up at the exit are collapsing!
Kyle: [OOC] Leave Joe's character face-down so he get's Anakin Skywalker'd?
Dane: [GM] I said 'need', not 'want'.
Joe: [OOC] If you strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Ian: [OOC] That quote isn't even vaguely in context.
Joe: [OOC] A reference is a reference. And we both know I would find some way of bringing Beefstorm back as a giant black plastic James Earl Jones.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali grabs one of Beefstorm's arms and starts to drag him up the tunnel.
Dane: [GM] As the smaller woman drags Lord Beefstorm's hulking frame along the stone floor, it seems like every single rock in the tunnel finds his face.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey takes the crystal and starts to hoof it as well. "Le's leg it yall."
Joe: [OOC] Hey! Carry my character with some dignity. Dane is enjoying this too much.
Dane: [Techie] Techie helps Soo by grabbing the second arm and hauling twice as fast!
Joe: [OOC] You're all dead.
Dane: [GM] You can't do jack, you're unconscious.
Soo: [OOC] And I suppose you can't really lash out at Dane even when Beefstorm is back up because Techie is YOUR follower.
Dane: [GM] This must be how Mario feels when he's got a Starman: temporary, euphoric invincibility. We should knock Joe unconscious more often.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari stops and looks back. "I got an idea!" She begins to cast Firey Translocation on the lava!
Dane: [GM] Um... why?
Soo: [OOC] What's that one do?
Ian: [OOC] Low-level pyromancy. See before Mari learned to throw fireballs, lowbie pyros have to pull fire from the environment. One of the most basic spells is pulling the fire out of one place and putting it somewhere else. Lava is hot rock, right?
Dane: [GM] Yep.
Soo: [OOC] I thought pyromancy was the manipulation of fire. That would just be pulling the heat produced by a fire away from its source.
Ian: [OOC] Heat is like lil' baby fire.
Kyle: [OOC] Soo, the GM just accepted 'lava is hot rock' as a line of thinking. If the word 'exothermic' comes into this, it'll just give people headaches.
Ian: [OOC] Anyhow, what I'll do is pull the heat out of the lava behind us and toss it back into the room. The rock will solidify without the heat to make it squishy and we'll be fine.
Joe: [OOC] Is lava considered 'squishy'?
Ian: [OOC] Shut up! I'm sciencing! Get me my labcoat and get Bill Nye on the line.
Kyle: [OOC] This strikes me as a bad idea, but I'm fairly sure in-character Bailey thinks 'physics' is something you can eat so I can't say anything. Isn't Techie a scientist? Can she vet this plan?
Dane: [GM] I'm rollin, I'm rollin.