141- Dying Horribly

Dane: [GM] You all continue back to camp without incident. There's a lot of people around and they're swarming the truck waiting to see what happened.
Joe: [OOC] I could totally make an incident between here and there.
Dane: [GM] WITHOUT INCIDENT.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari gets out of the truck back at camp. She has the crystal in her arms. "Could really use some personal space right about now."
Soo:[Kali dVostog] Kali gets out as well, looking around. "Be ever so humble, there's no place like crazy-cult-camp."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey dusts off his jacket. "Oddly, there's probably less people here tryin' to kill us."
Soo: [OOC] We really should figure out what we're going to do here. Are we totally handing one of the keys to the apocalypse over to a guy who totally, you know, wants one of those?
Joe: [OOC] I'll give us some space.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beef jumps out of the truck. "Hey everyone! We just did something cool on behalf of your prophet guy! Make some space you ass-bandits!" He then takes the crystal from Mari and starts to wave it around. "Oooh, shiny!"
Ian: [OOC] Is 'ass-bandit' a setting appropriate word?
Kyle: [OOC] I'm fairly sure 'setting appropriate' is one of the default casualties of Joe's characters.
Dane: [GM] Despite Lord Beefstorm's terrible way of saying so, he is correct and people begin to get out of the group's way as they walk  toward Grandmaster Trant's home.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "What do you suppose Trant will say when we get this to him" Kali says at low volume.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Seein' a pattern over my career? Probably send us to git more a' these things."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I'm just curious at what point we're going to, you know, be heroes, stop gaining the cult's trust and stop them."
Dane: [Techie] "I'm trying to analyze the situation. If we strike to early, they'll be able to retry and have another go. We need to act when the blow will be decisive."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We could shoot Grandmaster Trant in the face as we go in. That'd hold things up."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Love, I'd like our plan to involve us not being butchered by cultists."
Ian: [Mari Shahso] "It's always the little details I miss..."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Maybe we could sabotage it in some way..."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Ooh, we could put a bomb on it and give it to Trant, then blow it up the moment he touches it!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Again, I would like to live through the plan."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We're not going to get anywhere with this if your not willing to take some compromises like 'dying horribly'."

140- Sweet, Sweet Fan-Art

Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari hefts the crystal and loot. "I guess we should head on back to town now, right?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks over and points back towards the cult camp. "I'm all for letting this day end. It has been rather silly, all things being considered."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey strolls along, adjusting his shoulders. "I reckon Grandmaster Trant'll want this thing quickly."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm walks along, scanning the horizon for threats. 
Joe: [OOC] Oh right, new scene, that means Techie can pull out another useful item.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Hey Techie, can you like, produce a car to take us back to town faster?
Dane: [Techie] "Why in the name of insanity would I be able to 'produce' a car?"
Joe: [OOC] Her ability to produce items is limited by rarity. A common motorcar is well within her range.
Dane: [OOC] Thematically, that skill represents her having the right tools for various jobs. It's a Batman utility-belt sort of system. She can't just produce a car at random.
Joe: [OOC] So have her produce the keys for one and we'll find it along the way.
Dane: [GM] That is stupid and I'm not playing along.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "You're the worst follower ever. You do know that, right?"
Dane: [Techie] Techie just looks confused.
Kyle: [OOC] Why are you in such a rush to get back to camp anyhow? 
Joe: [OOC] Last time we were walking back to camp from a mission for Grandmaster Trant, Soo decided to murder my character. I'd like to get back to the safety of being surrounded by apocalyptic cultists.
Soo: [OOC] Last time we were walking back from a mission for Grandmaster Trant you murdered a child and a village full of people.
Joe: [OOC] Good times, good times.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali is starting to feel a curious urge to smother her own brother with a pillow.
Ian: [OOC] I'd advise against making this into a habit, Soo.
Soo: [OOC] I'm just fooling around. I would never let my personal feelings about a player effect how I play my character.
Kyle: [OOC] And that doodle of Kali tackling Lord Beefstorm with a butterfly knife was?
Soo: [OOC] Purely fan-art. Sweet, sweet fan-art.
Dane: [GM] On second thought, there's totally an abandoned truck over there and Techie can produce a tool kit to hotwire it. Hotwire it quickly before something bad happens.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "We're gonna call it the Beefmobile!"
Kyle: [OOC] No we are not.

139- Nice Save

Dane: [GM] The crystal hurtles through the air and streaks off into the middle-distance. Oh and the scene is over so Lord Beefstorm recovers one minor wound.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "We sha' probableh go git that."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm stands up, dusts of his clothing and shrugs. "If we're lucky, it landed back at camp already."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali starts to walk off in the general direction it went. "Let's just get this day over with. It's been far too silly."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari tags along with Kali. "I'll fix some coffee for the road once we find the crystal."
Dane: [Techie] Techie rubs her head and pops some OTC pain medicine. "You don't suppose it could have shattered when it landed, do you?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Never speak like that!"
Dane: [Techie] Techie seems rather put off by Beef's tone. "Why not?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] All Lord Beefstorm can offer is manly silence.
Joe: [OOC] I don't know how to say "because it puts ideas into the GM's head" in-character.
Dane: [GM] I'm playing Techie. Anything she says is already, by default, in my head.
Kyle: [OOC] Except for the stuff you just impulsively add.
Dane: [GM] I plan my adventures rather throughly, I'll have you know.
Joe: [OOC] Oh really? Then the ninja strippers when we played Dark Heresy were completely a well thought-out and implemented element of the Warhammer 40k universe?
Dane: [GM] We said we would never speak of that campaign again.
Soo: [OOC] You guys played Dark Heresy? I loved the wargame in under-grad. How was it?
Kyle: [OOC] Things happened. THINGS.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari keeps looking for the crystal, in no way trying to derail this conversation.
Joe: [OOC] I mean, the acid sharks could sort of make sense in the context of the setting.
Dane: [GM] Never speaking of it again!
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari keeps looking REALLY HARD for the crystal.
Ian: [OOC] Look! I typed 'really hard', Joe!
Joe: [OOC] Hehe, it's funny because it's a phrase can be used to refer to genitals! Wait, what were we discussing?
Soo: [OOC] Good save.
Dane: [GM] And, as if by the favor of the gods themselves, Mari just finds the crystal. But wait, underneath the crystal. Is that...
Dane: [GM] Wait, what does your mage like?
Ian: [OOC] Money and fancy teas.
Dane: [GM] Money and fancy teas!
Soo: [OOC] Should have said Mari likes plot devices.

138- Seriously Stretched Logic

Dane: [GM] The stone plug is now rushing up the tunnel with a terrific roar, smashing everything in it's path.
Kyle: [OOC] Is running going to work?
Dane: [GM] Why would I tell you how to solve a challenge? That's your end of the GM/Player relationship.
Soo: [OOC] Because I'm adorable?
Dane: [GM] Nope.
Ian: [OOC] Because you secretly care about us?
Dane: [GM] Nope.
Joe: [OOC] Because I know where you live?
Dane: [GM] As evidenced by that time we tried to split a pack of fries last week, I would win.
Kyle: [OOC] Because I have a back-order of products at your comic book shop to pay for and Bailey's untimely demise will send me into a grief so dark that I might not be able to recover and come pay for that merch till next week.
Dane: [GM] But I need that money to rent extra chairs. I'm hosting a regional Magic card thing this weekend!
Kyle: [OOC] Suddenly things look a bit more friendly in this relationship.
Dane: [GM] Fine, no. Running would not get you far enough and it's moving faster than you.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali let's go of Lord Beefstorm and starts to run. "Hurry up! Hurry up!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey runs along side her. "I dun' think we can outrun it!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Yes! But the faster we're moving in the same direction, the less the impact with the stone will hurt.
Dane: [Techie] Techie looks back at Lord Beefstorm "Should we leave him there?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I'm sure the plug will just push him along too."
Dane: [GM] The stone plug catches up to the party. It catches Lord Beefstorm's unconscious body, then the rest of you, pushing you against the flat surface as it races up the tunnel!
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey winces at the G-force. "Ugg... well yall. I reckon this might be the end. Been a pleasure."
Dane: [GM] The tunnel entrance is right up ahead, the white light of outside bathing the edges of the shuddering passage!
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Lord Beefstorm's body rolls around till his crotch is on Bailey's face.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Yeah, up until the whole 'about to die' thing, this seemed pretty fun."
Dane: [GM] The stone plug shoots out of the tunnel with huge popping sound. The stone is briefly airborne before smashing into a scrubby tree outside the temple grounds. The stone shatters on impact and that takes a lot of the force for you. Everyone gets one unavoidable minor wound and you're now stuck in a tree.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "How did that work? I mean, err, hooray it worked!"
Ian: [OOC] That's some seriously stretched logic.
Dane: [GM] I'd be happy to horrifically induce compound fractures on your character until the only IC action you can take is begging for the sweet release of death.
Ian: [OOC] Hooray it worked!
Dane: [Techie] Techie suddenly sock-puppets for the GM and says "I feel like we overlooked something."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "I'm sure Beefstorm's body's 'round here somewhere."
Dane: [GM] The crystal. The whole reason for being here. It's currently sailing through the air after shooting out of the tunnel with you. It streaks across the sky and down into the valley.
Ian: [OOC] Cartoon physics is a wacky, wacky double-edged sword.

137- That Can Be Fixed

[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [Techie] Techie doesn't seem to have any input.
Kyle: [OOC] How did Techie not have any input on this. She's a scientist!
Dane: [GM] She's a technician, not a scientist. Even if she was one, she's not a physicist.
Kyle: [OOC] Great, now we know who not to call when we need something's polarity reversed.
Soo: [OOC] I'm going to have to calibrate my own tachyon particles?
Kyle: [OOC] Apparently.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari starts her totally-going-to-work plan to cool off the lava by pulling the heat out of it with magic.
Dane: [GM] The plan oddly works and now you've managed to make a single stone clot covering the entrance to the hallway because I'm far too tired to come up with a good scientific reason why it shouldn't.
Ian: [OOC] I love it when a plan comes together.
Joe: [OOC] I love it when a plan hinges on the ignorance and apathy of the GM.
Dane: [GM] Hush up, you're still unconscious.
Joe: [OOC] My character is, not me.
Dane: [GM] That can be fixed.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey heads up to the exit and ponders the stones that fell to block the way out.
Dane: [GM] There's a couple of fallen pillars but mercifully the stone here is porous, volcanic local material and it's not hard to move relative to the size of it. The time Mari bought the group is enough that you don't need to roll for it to clear the way if everyone helps.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey sets the crystal down and shoves. "Gimme a 'and 'ere!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali helps a little with her hip, still dragging Beefstorm.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari shoves into it with her back.
Dane: [GM] The pillar rolls out of the way and you can see light up ahead.
Ian: [OOC] I'm curious. 
Dane: [GM] Go on...
Ian: [OOC] Why did you say 'the time Mari bought the group'?
Dane: [GM] Because this is about to happen...
Dane: [GM] The stone plug Mari made begins to shudder and then suddenly begins to shoot up the corridor like a cork! The pressure built up means a big slab of stone, backed by a wall of lava, is about to hit you.
Soo: [OOC] Well tits...
Dane: [GM] I know very little about physics, but I'm a GM so I know a LOT about massive amounts of pressure welling up behind the scenes.

136- I'm Sciencing!

Dane: [GM] I'm not an expert on say, architecture, but you're now in a narrow tunnel with lava rising at one end and the roof caving in. I think you know what you need to do. Unfortunately the stones up at the exit are collapsing!
Kyle: [OOC] Leave Joe's character face-down so he get's Anakin Skywalker'd?
Dane: [GM] I said 'need', not 'want'.
Joe: [OOC] If you strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Ian: [OOC] That quote isn't even vaguely in context.
Joe: [OOC] A reference is a reference. And we both know I would find some way of bringing Beefstorm back as a giant black plastic James Earl Jones.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali grabs one of Beefstorm's arms and starts to drag him up the tunnel.
Dane: [GM] As the smaller woman drags Lord Beefstorm's hulking frame along the stone floor, it seems like every single rock in the tunnel finds his face.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey takes the crystal and starts to hoof it as well. "Le's leg it yall."
Joe: [OOC] Hey! Carry my character with some dignity. Dane is enjoying this too much.
Dane: [Techie] Techie helps Soo by grabbing the second arm and hauling twice as fast!
Joe: [OOC] You're all dead.
Dane: [GM] You can't do jack, you're unconscious.
Soo: [OOC] And I suppose you can't really lash out at Dane even when Beefstorm is back up because Techie is YOUR follower.
Dane: [GM] This must be how Mario feels when he's got a Starman: temporary, euphoric invincibility. We should knock Joe unconscious more often.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari stops and looks back. "I got an idea!" She begins to cast Firey Translocation on the lava!
Dane: [GM] Um... why?
Soo: [OOC] What's that one do?
Ian: [OOC] Low-level pyromancy. See before Mari learned to throw fireballs, lowbie pyros have to pull fire from the environment. One of the most basic spells is pulling the fire out of one place and putting it somewhere else. Lava is hot rock, right?
Dane: [GM] Yep.
Soo: [OOC] I thought pyromancy was the manipulation of fire. That would just be pulling the heat produced by a fire away from its source.
Ian: [OOC] Heat is like lil' baby fire.
Kyle: [OOC] Soo, the GM just accepted 'lava is hot rock' as a line of thinking. If the word 'exothermic' comes into this, it'll just give people headaches.
Ian: [OOC] Anyhow, what I'll do is pull the heat out of the lava behind us and toss it back into the room. The rock will solidify without the heat to make it squishy and we'll be fine.
Joe: [OOC] Is lava considered 'squishy'?
Ian: [OOC] Shut up! I'm sciencing! Get me my labcoat and get Bill Nye on the line.
Kyle: [OOC] This strikes me as a bad idea, but I'm fairly sure in-character Bailey thinks 'physics' is something you can eat so I can't say anything. Isn't Techie a scientist? Can she vet this plan?
Dane: [GM] I'm rollin, I'm rollin.

135- Metric Heathen

Dane: [GM] Seriously though. Rolls for everyone.
[Joe] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Soo] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.

[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.

[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.

[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.

Dane: [GM] The whole structure is shaking as the lava rises! Clearly the volcano the temple was built in is about to erupt violently! The carved walls begin to crack and dust rains down from the roof as bits of stone fall.

Soo: [OOC] I thought this was a dead volcano.

Ian: [OOC] Never question the reality-warping power of a plot contrivance.

Dane: [GM] Okay that roll covered getting from the main chamber back into the corridor out. Techie, Bailey and Mari make it there with no problems. Lord Beefstorm makes it but takes a rock to the head on the way (moderate wound). Kali, holding the crystal, unfortunately trips as she crosses the stone slab bridging the platform and walkway. She's prone. Worse still, the shaking and rising lava have cracked the walkway. It will be dangerous to get across to the group now.

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali hits the ground, clutching the crystal in her one arm.

Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Kali! Let go of the crystal and teleport it to us!"

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali groans on the ground. "Why would I do that? I'll just come over!"

Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "You're not the main character in this story, love. This is probably you're heroic sacrifice scene one way or another."

Ian: [OOC] You know, in Final Fantasy 12 when Balthier did the whole "Let's use story-terms to describe ourselves" thing it came across as suave and cool.

Joe: [OOC] I am the leading man, who else?

Ian: [OOC] I was going to say you don't quite do the same.

Dane: [GM] The lava is rising! 

Soo: [OOC] Can I just teleport myself holding the crystal across to the group?

Dane: [GM] Not really. You're level of teleport only let's you blink up to your body-weight. Clothes and gear are negligible but that crystal weighs a lot.

Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Wait a tick! I got it!"

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks down at the lava. "All open to suggestions!"

Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Throw yer pack off! The slack weight will be enough to blink yerself across with the crystal!"

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali takes off he bag. "Good thing I only had mundane adventuring supplies in there anyhow."

Dane: [GM] Still a little too heavy. Look I wouldn't be nitpicking this but teleporting is an absurdly useful power. If I'm not rules-hard on it, it could be horribly abused even by someone who isn't Joe.

Joe: [OOC] True story: I once teleported into someone's digestive system with the right modifiers.

Soo: [OOC] Damn it. Come on, specific weight?
Dane: [GM] Fine. Let's say five more pounds.

Soo: [OOC] Can I get that in kilograms?

Dane: [GM] Around 2.5kg, metric heathen.

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pulls off her tall leather boots. "That should cut some weight."

Ian: [OOC] It's a good thing undressing is a free action (apparently).

Dane: [GM] Hmm, it's probably not enough but since Beefstorm was goading her, I'm going to give you a slight circumstantial modifier for being motivated. You can attempt a blink now.

Kyle: [OOC] Translation: figuring out the specific weight of things is killing an action scene, just go.

Dane: [GM] Damn straight.

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali blinks across to the group!

Dane: [GM] Kali poofs right next to everyone else.

Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Someone take this rock. It's going to be hard enough to run out of here barefoot."

Joe: [OOC] Hey, it occurs to me that Lord Beefstorm has more non-minor wounds than his endurance score. That means he should have fainted like a Magikarp before. So does that mean everything retroactively didn't happen?

Dane: [GM] Lord Beefstorm suddenly flops to the ground.

Dane: [GM] No and shut up.

Kyle: [OOC] Great, now we have two things to lug around.

134- Craft (Eulogy)

Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks down into the lava. "Should we, like, say some words or something?"
Joe: [OOC] Let Beefstorm do it. He has points in Craft (Eulogy).
Soo: [OOC] I doubt that.
Dane: [GM] Actually he does. It's troubling that he does, but indeed does.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey takes his hat off and holds it to his chest. "Let's all remember Danielle. She died as she lived: misguided and murder-crazy."
Ian: [OOC] I would have said "She died as she lived: listening to Joe" but that would be OOC.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pours a little of her pocket-flask into the lava.
Ian: [OOC] Huh?
Soo: [OOC] Do noblewomen in steam-punk 1910's settings have an equivalent of "one for my homies"?
Ian: [OOC] Seems only natural that they would.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Well, now that I've talked a person into suicide, I'm feeling down-right spent. Someone grab that thingy and let's get out of here. Alternatively, make me an omelette."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey puts his hat back on and looks around. "Welp, time tah finish this job an' move on."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Oh yeah! Shiny thing!"
Ian: [OOC] The best adventurers always have at least moderate attention-span issues.
Kyle: [OOC] Okay, everyone line up on the far side of the walkway by the door. Kali will grab it and teleport across to us.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali picks up the focusing crystal. "Okay, let's go."
Kyle: [OOC] SOO!
Soo: [OOC] Wah?
Dane: [GM] As Kali grabs the crystal there is a brief pause, the air still. Suddenly the whole structure begins to shake! Stones and debris begin to rain from the ceiling! The lava below begins to rise!
Kyle: [OOC] NEVER grab a magical item at the bottom of a temple without everyone in place for a hasty escape!
Soo: [OOC] I didn't know that!
Ian: [OOC] It's called the Indiana Jones Law: all final prizes in temples are trapped. Always.
Soo: [OOC] I'm going to die, aren't I?
Dane: [GM] Rolls! All of you. I need to see who is getting hit with rocks as they flee the room.
Joe: [OOC] Lava, rocks and moving very fast. This is like that jetbike bit in Battletoads.
Ian: [OOC] I played Battletoads with you. You're terrible at that part.  
Joe: [OOC] Yeah but Lord Beefstorm has points in Play (Battletoads).
Dane: [GM] No he doesn't. Shut up and roll.

133- Non-People Characters

Dane: [GM] Okay, it's Techie's turn now.
Dane: [Techie] Techie staggers up to her feet for her turn. "Okay folks. I'm okay."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Dun' say that Techie. Bad things happen to secondary characters that say that!"
Dane: [Techie] "Secondary what-nows?"
Kyle: [OOC] I don't consider that an OOC comment. I think Bailey has a degree of pattern-recognition at this point.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "You're not going to be okay if you think just standing up is good enough! Help me punch this chick!"
Dane: [Techie] Techie sighs. "The Watch hires weird people..."
Joe: [OOC] I just want to get Techie to finish Danielle.
Ian: [OOC] ...
Joe: [OOC] For once, from me, not an innuendo. I just think it would be fun to make NPCs fight each other.
Soo: [OOC] I think you're confusing this with Pokemon.
Joe: [OOC] Nonsense. If it were Pokemon I would have caught a much lower level NPC to better manage her stats as she leveled.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle rubs her cheek as she recovers from Beefstorm's punch. She shifts into a fighting stance and retaliates, swinging a big kick at him!
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The hit connects and cracks Beefstorm across the face, smacking him hard. One moderate wound to him and he's knocked prone. She looms over him for the kill!
Joe: [OOC] And here I thought I could have dodged that. Having a one in dexterity is starting to effect me.
Soo: [OOC] When you were teaching me the game you said that was one of the most important stats in the system.
Joe: [OOC] You think this amazing skill at lying came from nowhere? I had to dump a lot of stats.
Soo: [OOC] Too bad lying isn't going to help this situation.
Joe: [OOC] Oh... Oh... HAHAHAHA!
Ian: [OOC] You do realize whatever is about to happen probably is your fault, right?
Soo: [OOC] Deep down, yes.
Joe: [OOC] Everyone! Pass your turns!
Kyle: [OOC] Wouldn't it be smarter to use our turns to ready actions or something? You know, in case whatever stupid thing you're about to do doesn't work?
Joe: [OOC] That would imply that it might not work. Just do it.
Kyle: [OOC] I pass, mostly because if this doesn't work Beefstorm is going to get kicked into lava.
Soo: [OOC] Pass.
Ian: [OOC] Pass.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "You know Danielle. I thought you would have wanted to help in GR-210's ultimate plan."
Dane: [Danielle] "What do you mean you monster!?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "GR-210 was so committed to the cause of destruction that he decided to become one with his great work and asked to be annihilated, to become one with destruction itself. His last words were 'Soon Danielle will join me. She's always been by my side like I wanted."
Soo: [OOC] Beefstorm wasn't even there.
Joe: [OOC] Like she knows that.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle looks visibly shocked. "I... he really did?" She looks aflutter with glee.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] He just smiles and nods.
Joe: [OOC] DECEPTION! Bonuses for using partial truths, information she wants to believe and playing along with her existing nihilist tendencies!
[Joe] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Success...
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefy stands up and pats her on the shoulder. He leans in close and whispers "Go to him. He is waiting."
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle nods and jumps into the lava chasm with a smile on her face. She instantly disappears into the red glow.
Kyle: [OOC] That's a pretty short death description for a character who was around for a while.
Dane: [GM] Joe just talked a character, who was clearly unwell emotionally, into committing suicide by exploiting the unresolved tragedy of losing the only character that mattered in her life. How's that for a eulogy post?
Ian: [OOC] I really feel like we need to protect Techie from Joe somehow. Is there like a PETA for NPCs?
Joe: [OOC] Most people call NPCs Non-Player Characters. I prefer 'Non-People Characters'. I feel it better describes their place in this system.

132- All Aboard

Kyle: [OOC] Okay, that's one problem down. But now I'm thinking...
Soo: [OOC] That the French maid with a shotgun is vastly more dangerous than the giant monster made of lava?
Kyle: [OOC] Yep.
Ian: [OOC] Wait a minute, I have a plan.
Kyle: [OOC] All ears.
Ian: [OOC] I couldn't damage the Lava Yeti with fireballs because it was made of fire. But Danielle is a person. People aren't made of fire! I can damage her with fire.
Kyle: [OOC] So you're going to hit her with a fireball. LITERALLY the ONLY thing your character does in 90% of situations?
Ian: [OOC] It's just crazy enough to work, I know.
Joe: [OOC] I hope it doesn't. A real man puts down his own former-NPC-Followers.
Ian: [OOC] I doubt I can one-shot her. She'll likely just be horrifically burned.
Joe: [OOC] NPCs suffering. That's a train I can get aboard. Conductor Ian, pull us out the station.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari warms up a fireball and flings it at Danielle.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The fireball streaks over Danielle's head and explodes on the wall. Not very harmful to anyone but a nice effect.
Kyle: [OOC] Wah Wah WAAAAAAAH.
Joe: [OOC] I trusted you Ian! I made you the conductor of my pain train.
Dane: [GM] You're up Joe.
Joe: [OOC] Out of the engine room Ian, it's time for Casey Jones to take the helm.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm runs screaming at Danielle, fist raised for a kick-ass haymaker. He swings!
[Joe] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Ian: [OOC] What does any of this have to do with Ninja Turtles?
Joe: [OOC] Casey Jones is a famous railroad engineer from the wild west days that helmed a train to his death to save lives in a wreck. What the hell are you talking about?
Soo: [OOC] You know more about train-wrecks more than a century ago than you do about contemporary pop culture? 
Joe: [OOC] My father's a model railroader. You learn this stuff or you don't get love.
Dane: [GM] The giant muscle-bound Lord Beefstorm runs up and slugs Danielle in the face. She appears stunned as she staggers about.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm strikes a cool pose. "All aboard, motherfucker."
Kyle: [OOC] Given that pun refers to the OOC chat, I'm not entirely sure what Beefstorm meant by that in context.
Joe: [OOC] Beefstorm and Kali's father was also a model railroader.
Soo: [OOC] Stop making up shared backstory for us!
Joe: [OOC] I don't see anything on your character sheet that says he wasn't and I can type faster than you.
Kyle: [OOC] I didn't know Joe was so into trains.
Joe: [OOC] They're giant shafts full of powerful engines that effected how my dad felt about me. I'm sure it's something Fruedian.

131- Hail to the King

Kyle: [OOC] I'm up right?
Dane: [GM] As up as my blood pressure while talking to this group.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey whips around all cool-like and draws his revolvers. "Ey! 'ang on kid!" he yells and shoots both pistols at the Lava Yeti.
Kyle: [OOC] Err or is that 'lava yeti'.
Soo: [OOC] I'm not sure.
Ian: [OOC] Did we establish that yet? I mean, I feel like it should be lower-case, since its name isn't Lava Yeti in the proper sense.
Joe: [OOC] True, I doubt that's on the business card.
Soo: [OOC] But to be fair, 'Lava Yeti' could be the proper name for the species.
Joe: [OOC] Yeah but you call a giraffe a giraffe, not Giraffe.
Dane: [GM] You people excel at ruining tension, you know that right?
Ian: [OOC] We all have to be good at something. 
Kyle: [OOC] Well it could be capitalized if 'Lava Yeti' is like a formal title. Like being a Lava Yeti is a rank.
Soo: [OOC] That makes sense. Maybe this one is some kind of Lava Yeti monarch.
Dane: [GM] ROLL THE FUDGING DICE.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Startlingly, both of your shots hit the Lava Yeti in the face. The monster arches backward and holds its face, which is now spewing molten magma as it thrashes about.
Soo: [OOC] Hey, Dane used the capitalized version.
Kyle: [OOC] Cool! Bailey attempted regicide.
Dane: [GM] SHUT UP.
Dane: [Lava Yeti, severely wounded] The monster thrashes about, its very form seems to be faltering as it staggers about. The shape of the beast is apparently only held together by whatever force makes a sentient lava monster in the first place. Great leaks of lava stream from cracks bursting up below the monster's pelt.
Joe: [OOC] Holy crap, it's not just the Lava Yeti King, it's the Water Balloon Lava Yeti King.
Soo: [OOC] Wouldn't that be a Lava Balloon Lava Yeti King? I mean, there's no water involved.
Joe: [OOC] Fair, but that sounded redundant.
Ian: [OOC] Ah, the eternal struggle between eloquence and information.
Dane: [GM] SOO. ROLL. DICE. NOW.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali tries to snap off another shot at the Lava Yeti.
[Soo] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The beast is hit one last time in the chest. Danielle jumps down off it as it staggers off the walkway and into the lava below.
Soo: [OOC] Hail to the king, baby!
Dane: [GM] I'm going to kill you with a stick, Soo. With. A. Stick.

130- Unbitcin'

Kyle: [OOC] Time to hustle this roll.
Dane: [GM] By all means good sir.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Good to go.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey scampers up on to the platform and looks at the monster and Danielle. "Yeah, this is due to get unusual..."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm begins to run away from the monster. "You could say that Bailey, you could say that!"
Dane: [Techie] Techie chases after Beefstorm. "Wait for me dammit!"
Dane: [GM] Okay I roll some quickie initiatives. Soo, Ian, Joe, Techie, Danielle, Bailey, Lava Yeti.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pulls out her revolver and tries to snap off a shot at Danielle.
[Soo] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The shot is very much off. Considering she's a distant target on top of a moving monster that seemed like a sure thing anyhow.
Ian: [OOC] Good point. Monster is the easier initial target I guess.
Joe: [OOC] Maybe this is one of those Final Fantasy type set-ups where we have to hit the monster and then we can target Danielle because she's blinking.
Dane: [GM] Danielle fires of a shot in the air from a shotgun she's wielding. "I know what you did! You're all going to die! Especially you KALI!"
Soo: [OOC] How does one 'especially' die?
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari wads up a fireball and flings it at the lava yeti.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] A direct hit!
Ian: [OOC] Bitchin'!
Dane: [GM] Which does jack-all because you threw a FIREBALL at a LAVA monster.
Ian: [OOC] When you say it like that, it seems vastly less bitchin'.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm keeps running like hell around the outer walkway, trying to get to stone-slab bridging the gap. "So this is a friend of yours I take it?"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Ya could say that, yes."
Dane: [Techie] Techie just keeps running behind Beefstorm. "I really wouldn't like to see the enemies you people make."
Dane: [Danielle, in good health] Danielle pumps her shotgun and fires off a shot at the nearest person, Techie!"
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The shot isn't quite dead-on but some buckshot clips Techie's leg and she flops down in pain. The massive lava monster and its rider loom over the wounded technician!
Soo: [OOC] One of your former NPCs is about to kill your current NPC. Any thoughts Joe?
Joe: [OOC] I can't believe it.
Soo: [OOC] Well you did kind of lay the groundwork for this kind of thing with Danielle being so unstable.
Joe: [OOC] No, I mean I can't believe that she didn't get a kill there. I statted that girl better than this sort of thing! I specifically built Danielle to be able to kill anyone else in our party, current or future. It must be the shotgun. I focused her too deeply in sniping to blow your brains all out.
Kyle: [OOC] Whoa slow up there, save some human decency for the rest of us.

129- Failey

Ian: [OOC] Okay, next roll for the climbing.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Mari is able to quickly scurry to the other side and join Kali.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali helps Mari get up with her hand and waves to the group before sitting back on the rock.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari hugs the rock too. "As much weight as possible."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey sighs. "Welp, time tah go I s'pose." He walks over to the chain, holsters his guns and starts to shimmy across.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Bailey makes it only a short way across before the chain seems to yank a bit, even with the added bracing of Kali and Mari on the other end.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Shit, shit, shit!" He hangs on tight.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm seems lost in thought.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali hangs on tighter to the rock. "Dammit!"
Dane: [Techie] "Well? What are you thinking?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] He suddenly seems very determined. "I've got it!" He walks over to edge and looks at Bailey. "From now on, your nickname is going to be Failey!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "That s'pose to motivate me er somethin'?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Not really. But I've been struggling to come up with a good nickname for you. I call Kali and Mari the Squids."
Dane: [Techie] "The Squids?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Kali... Mari... Kalimari... Calimari. Get it?"
Dane: [Techie] "Oh."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "That's actually pretty clever."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "I know right? I was so proud of myself when I came up with it."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey swings on the chain. "NOT THE TIME!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Come on now. Impatientey isn't nearly as clever a nickname."
Kyle: [OOC] I swear to Gygax if I fall I'm going to use my last action to shoot one of you in the face. Don't compete to be the winner Soo.
Dane: [GM] Okay, time for the next roll.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Bailey gets his bracing a bit better and scampers along the chain. He's now fairly close to the end.
Kyle: [OOC] Okay, back in the saddle.
Dane: [GM] Just then a hideous roar echos through the chamber. A stone slab blasts off one of the walls and slams onto the walkway and platform, creating a stone bridge. Unfortunately, the thing that knocked it there in the first place is a LAVA YETI with Danielle riding on the back of it!
Kyle: [OOC] Just out of abject curiosity, do I have any monthly comics I haven't picked up at the shop lately Dane?
Dane: [GM] You have about 120 USD of backlog you need to come and pay for. But what's money between a bunch of friends playing a game, yes?
Kyle: [OOC] Dammit.
Ian: [OOC] A younger, more naive me would question how we got to the point were a sniper rifle-wielding French maid riding a lava yeti started to make sense. Current-me is just kind of dryly accepting.
Soo: [OOC] I'm still kind of hung up on the concept of a "Lava Yeti", but my brain is actively refusing to think about it to avoid hurting itself.
Ian: [OOC] That's the first stage, usually. Eventually when something bizarre and stupid comes along, you'll be at a stage where you won't think "why" but instead "can I play one next campaign".

128- Dangling the Wizard

Soo: [Kali dVostog] "All ashore that's going ashore, gents."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "I'll erm... mind the door fer a bit."
Kyle: [OOC] That's how you say "Just in case this fails, someone else go first" in Baily-ese.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Truly thou art akin to a crusading cavalier in thy bravery, Mr. Hunt."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari wraps herself around the chain and begins to slink across.
Dane: [GM] I'm going to require a check for this, given the perilous nature of the situation. If you decide to dangle across from underneath I'm going to want a strength based roll. Acrobatics if you decide to balance along the top.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari goes with the dangling-underneath option.
Kyle: [OOC] I don't exactly know how, but there's no way to read that without some sort of sexual subtext.
Joe: [OOC] "Dangling the Wizard" is a euphemism I use for this one trick.
Kyle: [OOC] I said I didn't know how, not that I wanted to know.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] A reasonably successful roll sees Mari make it halfway across the chain in one action.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali kneels down, hanging on to the stone to add her weight to it. "Just keep heading across dear. You're doing great."
Joe: [OOC] You really should be trying to tight-rope across the top of it.
Ian: [OOC] That seems needlessly dangerous. Besides, Mari has a higher strength score than the few points I put into acrobatics.
Joe: [OOC] Why exactly would a pyromancer have ANY points in acrobatics?
Ian: [OOC] Mari grew up in the backwoods with a family/troupe of circus performers. A few points in acrobatics seemed like an adequate way of representing it.
Kyle: [OOC] Oh sure. Ian can do that, but when I want to take points in stock portfolio management to represent Bailey's secret background as a high-power stock trader, it gets house-ruled.
Dane: [GM] Because "Stock Portfolio Management" isn't a skill in this system.
Soo: [OOC] I never knew Mari was a carny.
Ian: [OOC] We did our character writing together after the first session.
Soo: [OOC] Yeah but I was kind of distracted. I mostly took away that Mari is a fan of fire and things that are on fire.
Ian: [OOC] Neither of those things are untrue.
Joe: [OOC] You were clearly just distracted by the faint first blushes of the rabid lust you currently feel for each other. It's only natural.
Soo: [OOC] For the last time: we're not dating.
Joe: [OOC] "Dating" is such a civilized word. Such a human word. I'm talking about something far more primal.
Soo: [OOC] I think I would know.
Joe: [OOC] Reeeeeeally?  I'm noticing Ian hasn't denied me yet, only you. Could that be something psychological? Iiiiiiian?
Soo: [OOC] Ian, tell Joe we're not dating. And for any help with doing so, allow me to remind you that your character is currently dangling from a chain over lava.
Kyle: [OOC] Sounds like a metaphor for most relationships I've been in, to be honest.

127- Unhooray

Ian: [OOC] How about this: we get a big rock or something, affix the chain to it, and we have Kali use her teleportation magic to blink it over to the other side. It's like Joe's plan only not stupid.

Soo: [OOC] I'm at tier two on that, so I can blink things up to my body weight.

Joe: [OOC] This will work. Soo may be short, but she's stocky and dense. We can probably get a lot of mileage out of a rock that size.

Soo: [OOC] MY CHARACTER'S body weight.

Joe: [OOC] Well crap that changes everything. Soo's wish-fulfillment bean-pole is probably the least useful option for that. She's even short  a limb so she'll weigh less than a normal person of her height and build. Come to think of it, has Kali's appearance been relevant yet? Can we just SAY she's a fatty now?

Soo: [OOC] I'm going to destroy you.

Kyle: [OOC] Dane, why don't you pitch in before we have to replace two players, one in the morgue and the other jail.

Ian: [OOC] One got wasted and the other's a waste!

Kyle: [OOC] *sigh* Thank you Kyle, what this needed was more two-decade old musical references.

Dane: [GM] There is totally a rock of the appropriate size in the room. A big old chunk of fallen statue. A head to be specifically.

Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari takes something weighty and crudely bolts the chain onto the rock. "Send it over Kali!"

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali casts Direct Teleportation on the rock, to send it over to the platform.

Dane: [GM] A brief shimmer of sparkles dance about the rock and then suddenly the air seems to warp. The chunk of statue appears on the other platform in a pop of sparkles. 

Kyle: [OOC] Hooray!

Dane: [GM] However, since the chain was attached to this side of the chasm, you were attempting to target something connected to the rest of the room, way, way beyond a character's weight. So the rock gets there but the chain just stays were it is, flopping to the floor with a cold clank.

Kyle: [OOC] Unhooray!

Ian: [OOC] Why didn't you point out that blinking can't work like that?

Dane: [GM] I have to be happy too you know.

Soo: [OOC] Oh for the love of...

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali Direct Teleports HERSELF to the platform. "Mari, throw me the damn chain."

Joe: [OOC] That would work...

Soo: [OOC] If I let this go on any longer I would have to start hating people. Decided to resolve it.

Joe: [OOC] Yeah, but now we need to figure out how much that rock weighs to see if it supports our characters. How fat is Kali again?

Soo: [OOC] She's between 140 and I'M GOING TO END YOU.

126- Get it Out!

Dane: [GM] You continue deeper down the passageway. Up ahead there is a faint orange-red light flickering and the passage seems to open up a bit.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey slinks forward ahead of Techie. "Lil' miss, why dun ya let me take point from 'ere on?"
Dane: [Techie] Techie nods and steps back quietly.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey comes out of the passageway, guns first, then the rest of him.
Dane: [GM] This room is quite big and circular in shape. There is a narrow outer walkway, which you are currently on. Beyond that is a steep drop into boiling lava, which lights the room. In the center is a circular stone platform with an altar on it. There, on the altar, sits a magnificent crystal the size of a human head.
Ian: [OOC] Dammit Dane.
Dane: [GM] Hmm?
Ian: [OOC] I was getting all sorts of Temple of Doom vibes off this room and you using a head as a reference size for a crystal just brought Kingdom of the Crystal Skull into it. Now I'm thinking about Kingdom of the Crystal Skull! Get it out! Get it out!
Soo: [OOC] There, there dear. There's treatments for this. I'll come over with some bleach and a funnel after we finish, okay?
Ian: [OOC] It was just so bad!
Joe: [OOC] I'm uploading my character's portrait now for everyone.
Kyle: [OOC] That's just a picture of Shia LaBeouf.
Joe: [OOC] Exactly.
Ian: [OOC] It burns! It burns! Why Lucas?! There didn't need to be aliens!
Soo: [OOC] We're going to get through this. Just hold on.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey looks around for some way across.
Dane: [GM] There is no evident way across. The gap between the walkway and the platform is about forty feet. There's some chains dangling down off the walkway, probably from an old bridge.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Looks like we got ourselves one'a those conundrums."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks down at the lava. "Hmm... we have chains. But how would we get them secure on the far side?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "It's not like throwing fireballs is going to help this..."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Actually, it might."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Care to explain?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "We'll fashion a weight and throw it across. Then we have Mari throw fireballs at it until it melts and becomes sticky. Think of it as distance welding."
Kyle: [OOC] I don't think that would work.
Joe: [OOC] That depends on a key factor.
Ian: [OOC] Which is?
Joe: [OOC] Dane, are you familiar with metallurgy or industrial welding?
Dane: [GM] No?
Joe: [OOC] Then it will work.
Dane: [GM] I'm right here you know...
Soo: [OOC] A character's life shouldn't hinge on the people in charge ignoring the way things work.
Ian: [OOC] Just like when Indy hid in that refridge- OH GOD IT'S BACK.

125- Project Passageway

Dane: [GM] The path runs down deep into the mountain's heart. The walls are all decorated with the sort of elaborate, Old Velthri carvings that you're getting kind of used to by now. The biggest factor you're noticing is that its getting very, very hot down here as you go.
Ian: [OOC] If anyone is trying to keep their ambient music in sync with me, I just switched over to Lower Norfair from Super Metroid.
Kyle: [OOC] See I already started up the castle theme from Mario.
Joe: [OOC] Flame Mammoth's stage from Megaman X.
Ian: [OOC] Which do you think fits best Soo?
Soo: [OOC] I didn't have a Super Nintendo as a kid.
Kyle: [OOC] "As a kid"?
Soo: [OOC] I think it's possible to have successfully grown up without a Nintendo.
Joe: [OOC] You mean like, with a Genesis or something?
Dane: [GM] I'm going to ask for a roll out of each of you. The heat is getting intense and, while its not at dying levels, if you can't pass the roll I'm going to start imposing penalties on athletic tasks.
Joe: [OOC] Lord Beefstorm is wearing a classy business suit and a top hat. I doubt his monocle will impose a penalty. It's all made of the finest materials money can buy, of course. His monocle costs more than Mari's life.
Ian: [OOC] Why is my character specifically used as an example?
Joe: [OOC] Because she's the group poor person. If this were a high school she would be the kid we go to when we need pot or a place to have a party.
Dane: [GM] And you're reporting this because?
Joe: [OOC] Logically, how our characters are dressed should be relevant to how they handle heat, yes?
Dane: [GM] Fair enough. But it's going to be minor changes. All things considered, how you described Beefstorm's clothing seems kind of inappropriately layered for the heat, so it's going to be a penalty for you.
Soo: [OOC] Kali is kind of dressed like a World War One pilot, minus the leather jacket. You know, snug tan pants, boots, a white shirt and a leather belt with a scarf. Seemed appropriate.
Dane: [GM] I'm going to say that's average enough for an unmodified roll.
Joe: [OOC] Those guys wore riding pants. I demand a penalty reflecting chafing!
Kyle: [OOC] Hate to say it but Bailey is in his usual cowboy clothes with a duster and all that. Penalty I'm guessing.
Dane: [GM] True, true.
Kyle: [OOC] He's not wearing underwear, any help?
Dane: [GM] No and never speak of this again.
Ian: [OOC] Mari has her usual baggy trousers and shirt, with sandals like the plebe she is.
Dane: [GM] I can see that being comfy enough for a slight bonus. Techie is wearing regular clothing so I'm just going to take that at medium too. Roll time!
[Joe] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Soo] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Surprisingly everyone passed, so we can just continue on.
Kyle: [OOC] Yeah, time to keep searching for the...
Ian: [OOC] The thing we're here to find. You know that one um... thing?
Joe: [OOC] Crap. Soo?
Soo: [OOC] Why would I know? I thought you knew?
Kyle: [OOC] Oh right, we were going to go find Soo an SNES.
Dane: [GM] It was a magical crystal to help open an inter-dimensional portal for a doomsday cult.
Soo: [OOC] Sorry, I got kind of distracted by describing clothing.
Kyle: [OOC] I think I see how teenage girls writing fanfiction can do it now.

124- Therefore Expendable

Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks around. "I guess we should find the way into the temple. I think the Danielle issue will work itself out when it wants to."
Dane: [GM] There's a lot of mess and rubble in the courtyard but you find a single passage that appears to lead down into the mountain near the back. The passage is pitch black.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey takes out one of his revolvers and looks around for a torch.
Dane: [GM] There's a couple of half-burned torches stuck in the wall.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey pulls one of the torches off the wall and holds it out to Mari. "Iffin' you'd be so kind..."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari uses a minor fire magic to light the torch.
Joe: [OOC] Random, ancient torches are always so reliable in these kind of situations.
Soo: [OOC] They're kind of like flashlights in the horror genre: they work until it would be better for them not to work. 
Joe: [OOC] I'll just make sure none of our sluts start making out, just to be safe.
Dane: [GM] The tunnel, now dimly illuminated, stretches deeper into the mountain in a slight, downward slope. The walls are decorated with intricate carvings related to fire.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Right then, we should probably figure out the order people are going to go down there. Since most of us have guns I think the order should be Techie, Bailey, Mari, me and Kali."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I can understand wanting to put people in front of you, given you're a coward, but why am I behind you?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "What if something attacks us from behind. Ever think of that?"
Dane: [Techie] "Why should I be in front? I'm just a technician. I don't have any combat training."
Joe: [OOC] Hmm...
Ian: [OOC] What's wrong?
Joe: [OOC] Trying to explain to the poor girl that she's an NPC and therefore expendable, but not in a way that will hurt her feelings.
Soo: [OOC] You've blown up fictional children but you won't hurt a fictional character's feelings?
Joe: [OOC] I have a moral code. It's just not very obvious.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Well because that way you can um... analyze traps and stuff."
Dane: [Techie] Techie puts her hands on her hips. "I really think you just want me to get killed first if something goes wrong."
Kyle: [OOC] Oh look, an NPC that actually knows how things work around here.
Ian: [OOC] Cut the experiment, they've become self-aware!
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Um, no. I just have faith in your abilities."
Joe: [OOC] Hey sweet, that was a lie. That means it's DECEPTION TIME.
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [Techie] Techie looks off to the side a moment and then nods. "Well, okay. As long as you really trust me."
Soo: [OOC] I feel like we need to protect our NPCs from Joe sometimes. Not like in a severe, "he's a criminal" kind of way, just in that way you'd keep your kids from that uncle at family gatherings who always wants to talk about wars and give them beer.