124- Therefore Expendable

Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks around. "I guess we should find the way into the temple. I think the Danielle issue will work itself out when it wants to."
Dane: [GM] There's a lot of mess and rubble in the courtyard but you find a single passage that appears to lead down into the mountain near the back. The passage is pitch black.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey takes out one of his revolvers and looks around for a torch.
Dane: [GM] There's a couple of half-burned torches stuck in the wall.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey pulls one of the torches off the wall and holds it out to Mari. "Iffin' you'd be so kind..."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari uses a minor fire magic to light the torch.
Joe: [OOC] Random, ancient torches are always so reliable in these kind of situations.
Soo: [OOC] They're kind of like flashlights in the horror genre: they work until it would be better for them not to work. 
Joe: [OOC] I'll just make sure none of our sluts start making out, just to be safe.
Dane: [GM] The tunnel, now dimly illuminated, stretches deeper into the mountain in a slight, downward slope. The walls are decorated with intricate carvings related to fire.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Right then, we should probably figure out the order people are going to go down there. Since most of us have guns I think the order should be Techie, Bailey, Mari, me and Kali."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I can understand wanting to put people in front of you, given you're a coward, but why am I behind you?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "What if something attacks us from behind. Ever think of that?"
Dane: [Techie] "Why should I be in front? I'm just a technician. I don't have any combat training."
Joe: [OOC] Hmm...
Ian: [OOC] What's wrong?
Joe: [OOC] Trying to explain to the poor girl that she's an NPC and therefore expendable, but not in a way that will hurt her feelings.
Soo: [OOC] You've blown up fictional children but you won't hurt a fictional character's feelings?
Joe: [OOC] I have a moral code. It's just not very obvious.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Well because that way you can um... analyze traps and stuff."
Dane: [Techie] Techie puts her hands on her hips. "I really think you just want me to get killed first if something goes wrong."
Kyle: [OOC] Oh look, an NPC that actually knows how things work around here.
Ian: [OOC] Cut the experiment, they've become self-aware!
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Um, no. I just have faith in your abilities."
Joe: [OOC] Hey sweet, that was a lie. That means it's DECEPTION TIME.
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [Techie] Techie looks off to the side a moment and then nods. "Well, okay. As long as you really trust me."
Soo: [OOC] I feel like we need to protect our NPCs from Joe sometimes. Not like in a severe, "he's a criminal" kind of way, just in that way you'd keep your kids from that uncle at family gatherings who always wants to talk about wars and give them beer.

123- I KNOW

Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm runs over to the dead, burning corpse of the monster and begins to relieve himself on it. "Come Bailey, help me do a man's duty here."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey rubs his head, still reeling from all the injuries of the fight. "Uh.. I'm good. Thanks."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks off towards... absolutely anything but what Beefstorm is doing.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Mari? Want to tag in on this?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks off into the middle distance. "I think you've got it handled."
Joe: [OOC] So um... I feel like we're forgetting something.
Kyle: [OOC] I'm actively trying to forget this.
Joe: [OOC] No, I mean like, narrative-wise.
Ian: [OOC] Not off the top of my head.
Soo: [OOC] Top of my head... head... headshot... sniper. We forgot about the sniper.
Kyle: [OOC] I wasn't aware that Soo's thought process worked the way the Superfriends solved the Riddler's riddles.
Ian: [OOC] The Riddler said the President needed to "chill out"... Chill... Out... The President is in outer space with Captain Cold! To the Bat-rocket!
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali starts to look around for evidence of the sniper. "I'm going to check the outer wall. That would be the logical place for a sniper."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari puts her hands on her hips. "So um... what did the monster have to do with anything?"
Dane: [Techie] Techie is fixing her clothes after pulling herself out of a pile of rubble. "It could be a locally-occurring monster that had nested in the courtyard here. Alternatively the sniper could have gotten it here to act as a trap."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm shakes his prodigious business to make sure he's done and zips up. "You can talk without me talking to you first?"
Dane: [Techie] "I wasn't aware I couldn't."
Joe: [OOC] I kind of assumed NPC followers were something that just did a job until you needed to give it new instructions. You know, like a Roomba.
Dane: [GM] Up on the wall Kali finds a rather suspiciously familiar rifle leaning up against a support. There's a piece of paper wrapped around the barrel.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali brings it back down to the group. "Found something!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey pulls the note off the rifle. "Look like our friend left us a message..."
Dane: [GM] The note is a crude drawing of what one would assume to be GR-210 and the group as it currently is. The group appears to be bashing GR-210 with rocks. The words scrawled all over the paper are hard to read but mostly say "I KNOW" over and over.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Danielle..."
Kyle: [OOC] I'm half creeped out and half elated. On one hand, Joe's old NPC is now going to try and murder us. On the other hand, that means we totally get to kill her.
Soo: [OOC] You HAD to make her a french maid with a sniper rifle, didn't you Joe?
Joe: [OOC] It was an awesome idea at the time and you're just jealous.

122- Mostly Steroids

Dane: [GM] Okay let's see an attack roll then.
[Soo] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The shot Kali snapped off seems to have struck true and it blows a chunk out of the monster's skull as it flails around. It begins to stagger about letting out horrific growls and moans.
Joe: [OOC] Sounds like me after lovemaking.
Kyle: [OOC] I hate you.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I think it's coming down! Everyone out of the way!"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm rolls up his sleeves and yells "This one's for Techie! I will avenge her!"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Um..."
Dane: [Techie] "I'm still alive."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "No time to worry about such concrete facts. I need to get justice for you, fallen friend!" Beefstorm runs forward with a fist raised for a punch. "BEEFSTORM SECRET TECHNIQUE: MEAT HURRICANE FIST!" 
[Joe] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Soo: [OOC] I'm horrified, my character is confused. What is going on?
Joe: [OOC] One of the many sacred martial arts of Kali and Beef's family. She was probably never taught them because she's so disappointing.
Kyle: [OOC] The d'Vostog family, an aristocratic family in a psuedo-Victorian steampunk/magical fantasy world, has ancient sacred martial arts?
Joe: [OOC] I said 'sacred' I never said ancient. It's kind of a new secret art. Fifteen years tops.
Dane: [GM] Not to interrupt this but that punch connected and did so little damage the current rules system doesn't have a term for that damage grade so I'm just going to call it 'Joe Level'. But anyhow the monster staggers around on fire and finally flops on the ground dead with a terrific thud.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beef bows respectfully at the monster's corpse. "You fought well, monster-sama."
Ian: [OOC] So wait. If you can do about zero damage with that attack, why did you do it?
Joe: [OOC] Beefstorm is the heir to the family's secret martial arts. He has to use them in glorious battle. The fact I dumped all my points into social skills and left him with strength stats so low he should, by all rights, not be able to support his own weight is secondary.
Kyle: [OOC] Didn't you say he was really muscular when we met him?
Joe: [OOC] Yes but that's just for show. Mostly just lots of steroids.
Soo: [OOC] I would question the logic of that idea but I really don't want to break this inane flow.

121- Wah Wah Waaaah

Dane: [Techie] Techie pulls out a small revolver and shoots at the monster.
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The shot hits the monster but doesn't seem to do much damage. Then again its hard to tell with all that flailing around and being on fire its doing.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "A revolver? A piddly little revolver?! You're a secret agent for a secret government police force. You don't have a fracking freeze ray or something?!"
Dane: [Techie] "I'm just a field technician. I had my required time on the range and that's it!"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Remind me to aggressively repurpose you later."
Dane: [Monster, On Fire] The monster turns to Techie, roars and charges forward, wreathed in flames!"
Ian: [OOC] I think the plot is going to 'repurpose' your character for you Joe.
Soo: [OOC] Like, into a salsa bowl.
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The monster smacks Techie aside, smacking her into the wall like Bailey earlier.
Kyle: [OOC] Is there any way Bailey can help since he's still over there?
Dane: [GM] Hmm, it would be a kind of stunt-y thing so yes. I'm willing to reduce the damage if Bailey can catch her before she hits the wall. Smacking damage stands though.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey waves his arms and tries to get between Techie and the wall.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Oh...
Kyle: [OOC] Let me guess. Another critical miss?
Dane: [GM] Bailey catches Techie... after a fashion. She slams into him and they both slam into the wall. Techie takes a moderate wound from being smacked but I'm distributing the minor one for the wall to Bailey. Bailey drops his pistols in the impact.
Kyle: [OOC] I hate being right.
Soo: [OOC] Is it only me or is it impossible to visualize this without the "wah wah waaaaah" trombone noise?
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Hunt! Get your tongue out of our technician and shoot that thing!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey staggers about and looks for his guns, finding them on the ground.
Kyle: [OOC] I was prone right? So I guess that's my turn getting up.
Dane: [GM] I'll say you got your pistols as you got up. Narrative impetus. 
Kyle: [OOC] Oh good. Wouldn't want to hamper Bailey's ironclad coolness now would we?
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali fires off another shot from her pistol.
Joe: [OOC] Because the last time one of our chicks shot at it things went so well.
Soo: [OOC] You want me to use my low-level teleportation instead?

120- Habeus Rollus

Dane: [GM] Now fight the freaking monster.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey ambles out of the pile of old debris he landed in. "Sheeee-oot. I'm alright I think..."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali whips out her revolver. "I guess this will have to do." She snaps off a shot at the monster.
[Soo] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The shot is wider than you thought it would but it manages to chip the beast's horn. It's very, very mad now.
Soo: [OOC] Oh yes, it certainly wasn't mad when it started trying to murder us.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Lord Beefstorm strikes a heroic pose and yells "You're totally our best friend!"
Dane: [GM] The monster stares blankly at Beefstorm for a moment before continuing to rampage about.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "What the heck were you thinking?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "I can convince anyone of anything!"
Joe: [OOC] Yeah, why didn't you roll to disbelieve that?
Dane: [GM] Because you don't even understand the monster's language, if it had one to begin with. For the last effing time, a high skill in deception is not the goddamn Force.
Joe: [OOC] There's valid penalties for trying to convey information without a shared language (which I'm sure I can brute past with raw math), just apply them.
Dane: [GM] You're attempting to successfully communicate with something that's likely not sentient to begin with, then trying to use that communication to convey deceptive and, frankly ridiculous, information.
Joe: [OOC] I demand the right of habeus rollus. Produce the roll!
Kyle: [OOC] You know that one semester of Latin I took in college Ian?
Ian: [OOC] Yeah?
Kyle: [OOC] I can feel that tiny bundle of neurons in my brain violently struggling to pour out of my ears.
Dane: [GM] Fine, but the roll to communicate is on you, not the monster. If you succeed with it, THEN I'll roll to disbelieve.
[Joe] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] You fail to communicate. Now drop this stupid idea.
Ian: [OOC] I thought your character was obscenely social-buffed?
Joe: [OOC] Only deception. Beefstorm couldn't convince you to give money to charity, but it could tell you that you were already giving the money. It's a matter of angles, really.
Ian: [OOC] I see. Interestingly, Mari possesses the most versatile of language skills.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari winds up a minor fireball and flings it at the monster.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The monster is hit by the fireball and flames begin to burn along it's furry body as it thrashes in pain.
Soo: [OOC] Violence as the universal language. How profound.
Ian: [OOC] What? No, no. I meant I have a language comprehension spell.
Kyle: [OOC] Than why did you go through the trouble of setting up that joke?
Ian: [OOC] Joke? I was just making conversation. Not everything can be witty you know.

119- A Pox

Dane: [GM] The figure smashes down in front of you in the middle of the courtyard, shaking the very earth beneath your feet. It is some sort of massive, hairy creature: at least ten feet tall and covered in a thick, matted coat of coarse fur. It's bestial head is crowned by two massive, curling horns. It bares meaty hands with claws and prepares to attack.
Soo: [OOC] A Sasquatch?
Ian: [OOC] I don't think those are native to New Zealand.
Dane: [GM] For the last time it's not New Zealand.
Kyle: [OOC] I was more thinking of a Wampa, given the horns.
Soo: [OOC] Wampas have horns?
Joe: [OOC] The do, but I'm not really sure if they would be considered massive. I think I could go back and watch Empire Strikes Back again.
Dane: [GM] I'm going to roll initiatives.
Dane: [GM] Okay it's Monster, Kyle, Soo, Joe, Ian, Techie. Here we go.
Joe: [OOC] You know I have Wookiepedia up and I'm thinking those horns don't look so massive.
Dane: [Monster, in good health] The beast charges forward across the courtyard. It's almost to the group as you pack in by the gate. It lets out a bestial roar.
Ian: [OOC] True but maybe Dane meant massive in the relative sense, like to us you know?
Soo: [OOC] Hmm true, but why would a snow-climate creature be here? Wouldn't white fur be an evolutionary disadvantage?
Kyle: [OOC] Good point.
Dane: [GM] Monster. Bearing down on you. KYLE.
Ian: [OOC] I don't think Wampas are exclusive to the planet Hoth thought. If I remember one of the SW games on the N64 had brown mountain Wampas on Gall. 
Kyle: [OOC] I think that was Shadows of the Empire.
Dane: [GM] KYLE. TURN. NOW.
Joe: [OOC] Lord Beefstorm has knowledge skills for extraterrestrial life. Maybe it applies to things from other canons too.
Soo: [OOC] That strikes me as a bit of a stretch.
Kyle: [OOC] Let's just focus on the matter in front of us.
Dane: [GM] FINALLY.
Kyle: [OOC] Dane, what color fur is the monster in front of us?
Dane: [GM] That's it...
Dane: [Monster, in good health] The monster magically covers the extra distance between itself as if fueled by some sort of cosmic rage and the group and makes a massive swing with its claw! 
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The swing smashes into Bailey and sends him flying. One moderate wound Kyle.
Kyle: [OOC] Hey, we weren't technically off-topic.
Soo: [OOC] This is a matter of tactics Dane. If it IS a Wampa, we're at least going to need a blaster rifle.
Dane: [GM] A pox on all of your houses. I'm serious. I'm going to go to your houses and pox the hell out of them.

118- BOOYAH

Dane: [GM] Strangely, this whole chaos is not set to the sound of a sniper blowing everyone's brains out in sequence. In fact it's rather quiet all together. Something is up.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Quickly, douse those fires while we have a chance."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari rolls around on the ground to put out her clothes.
Dane: [Techie] Techie does the same, using the dirt to put out the fire.
Joe: [OOC] Ladies always put out for Lord Beefstorm. BOOYAH.
Soo: [OOC] That joke hinged entirely on a set up followed by two people using a specific phrase. You're either a comedy genius or absurdly lucky.
Joe: [OOC] I prefer to think both.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey gets up and begins to creep toward the fort at the end of the canyon. "I dunno why 'e ain't shootin' but I'm gettin' some ground while he dawdles."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods and follows along.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm strides confidently along the terrain.
Dane: [Techie] Techie, no long on fire, tags along quickly. "Wait for me!"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari strolls along quietly. "Why did you have to betray me fire? I thought we were friends."
Dane: [GM] As you approach the fortifications at the far side of the canyon, they are smaller than they appeared. Just a single wall with a small gatehouse. The gate is open and unlocked. The entire structure is in no good state of repair.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Not quite what I was expectin' fer an entrance to a grand temple."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "The temple is supposed to be inside the mountain, right? Maybe this just guards an entrance to the way in."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm walks into the gate and stands around inside.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari follows along.
Dane: [GM] As the group funnels into the gate you find yourself in a courtyard. A few ruined structures ring an open space in the middle. Clearly at one point this was used as a guard fort.
Joe: [OOC] Something about this just seems to be... tickling my biscuits if you catch my drift.
Soo: [OOC] I never want to catch the drift of that expression ever again, thanks.
Joe: [OOC] It's just that we walked right through a defensive structure and now we're standing in a wide open but walled space. I may be a tabletop gamer first but I play plenty of video games and I'm getting that feeling you get in a modern-style shooter when you see a room with lots of boxes and bits of wall at convenient 'crouch behind and shoot' height.
Dane: [GM] A massive roar bellows through the area, shaking the very structures of the courtyard. A massive shape, silhouetted by the sun, stands up on the rocks of the mountain and begins to jump towards the courtyard in one titanic leap! 
Joe: [OOC] Yep! There we go.
Ian: [OOC] Any useful wisdom on this sort of situation?
Joe: [OOC] The GM is setting up an encounter. The next thing he'll do is prevent us from screwing with it.
Dane: [GM] Just then the gate slams shut behind you!
Soo: [OOC] Case in point.
Kyle: [OOC] Maybe we should have wandered around outside killing things until we leveled up or something.

117- Chronically-Ill, Incontinent Gazelle Ploy

Dane: [GM] Another shot rings through the valley, blasting a small shrub on a rock from beside you.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "SHRUBBY! NOOOOOOO!"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari ducks down at looks around. "That sniper's pretty dang close with those shots. He's got to be good."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey nods. "Yeah, we ought'a stay low and move forward from 'ere."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali agrees. "And spread out. We're all together so he doesn't have to adjust much to hit each of us. If we spread out, he has to track a lot of targets."
Dane: [GM] Another shot zips past the group, exploding a stone over Techie's head.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "PRINCE ROCKSTIEN VON ROCKMEYER! WHY DO YOU KILL EVERYTHING I LOVE YOU MURDEROUS ASSHOLE?!"
Ian: [OOC] You named a shrub "Shrubby" but you named a rock that?
Joe: [OOC] Beefstorm's creativity isn't like his raw sex appeal: it ebbs and flows. But Techie nearly getting a Call of Duty'd just gave me an idea.
Dane: [GM] The idea of you having an idea always gives me an odd clenching sensation in my bum.
Joe: [OOC] I dumped almost all of Techie's build points that I could into the Always Prepared trait, to represent her being an engineer and having lots of gadgets and whatnot. Always Prepared lets her produce an item from her inventory of a certain degree of rareness, limited in rarity and frequency by her trait.
Kyle: [OOC] And at the level you took it?
Joe: [OOC] One item of up to Rare level rarity once per hour.
Ian: [OOC] I'm getting a Batman vibe here.
Soo: [OOC] Is sniper repellent a thing?
Joe: [OOC] Nope, but this is.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Techie! Get those flash bombs we totally acquired back at camp."
Dane: [Techie] Techie pulls out a package of flash bombs. They're small, golf ball sized glass spheres with chemicals in them. "I don't know why you're phrasing it like that, but here you go."
Joe: [OOC] A package of six flash bombs is of Rare rarity. 
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Convenient. So we're going to use these to cover us as we run?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "I was going to say we should mix them together, make a giant flash bomb and die in a really cool way. Your idea works too I suppose."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Explain to me how I'm the family disappointment again?"
Dane: [GM] The sniper makes another shot, this one very close.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey fixes to run like hell.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari starts to warm up a fire spell. "I'm going to lob a fireball as we run. That should add to the confusion. Ready to go!"
Dane: [Techie] Techie holds on of the bombs aloft and throws it to the ground. "Cover your eyes!"
Dane: [GM] The glass orb shatters and a blinding flash bursts all around you. 
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari throws her fireball toward where she assumes the sniper to be.
Dane: [GM] You're trying to throw a fireball while covering your eyes. I'm going to need a roll to just avoid the local scenery, since you're all running among rocks. Everyone else give me a roll for running to the next cover while under the same circumstances. So two from Ian, one from everyone else okay?
[Soo] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Kyle] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Joe] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
[Ian] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Okay...
Dane: [GM] As you run, both Kyle and Beefstorm manage to trip on rocks and fall flat on the ground (but on the upside, you're now prone and behind cover). Kali makes it to the next bit of cover safely. Meanwhile Mari, blinded by the light, throws her fireball and hits a nearby boulder. The shower of flames isn't enough to deal damage but it lights the clothes of both Mari and Techie on fire.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "LADY BOULDEROPOULOUS OF THE KINGDOM OF BOULDERS! NOOOO AS WELL!"
Joe: [OOC] This trick seemed a lot cooler in my head.
Kyle: [OOC] Look at the upside: the sniper might be one of those cold, honorable guys and now he's going to give up because we're weak prey.
Soo: [OOC] This is less a wounded gazelle ploy and more a chronically-ill, incontinent gazelle ploy.

116- Ridiculous Like a Fox

Dane: [GM] You all begin your hike into the island's interior in the morning. The sky is open and clear and there isn't much in your way besides the rocky terrain of the interior.
Joe: [OOC] Let's go see where they filmed Lord of the Rings on the way.
Dane: [OOC] Like New Zealand does not mean IS New Zealand.
Joe: [OOC] Just show me the set for Helm's Deep and I'm fine.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks along casually, looking around at the scenery.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari seems to be a bit lost in thought as well.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm is flexing for no particular reason while talking with Techie. He's busy pumping her full of lies for the heck of it.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey seems hyper vigilant and keeps putting his hand on his weapon.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "You seem sort of agitated Bailey."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Ain't nothin' but some nerves. We ain't got a good history of walkin' to places."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali tilts her head.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I think Bailey means that every time we travel some place, something seems to go sour. Usually we seem to get shot at."
Dane: [GM] The slope of the ground is gradually becoming notable and you're starting to realize you very much are on the edge of an ancient dead volcano. There's a substantial cleft in the mountain up ahead.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "So shall we start our search over there?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I suppose it's as fit a place as any other."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm strolls towards the break in the ridge. "Incidentally, geologists call this sort of formation a 'mountain ass-crack'.
Ian: [OOC] I'm not even going to roll to disbelieve that. I just want to get to work.
Dane: [GM] As the group walks the steep walls the cut in the mountain feature begin to cast long, dark shadows. The air here is colder than the rest of the mountain and at the far end of the fissure, about two miles away, you can see what looks like a man-made structure.
Joe: [OOC] Spiff it IS Helm's Deep
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey begins to move lower to the ground, his pistol out now. He keeps ducking for cover among the rocks.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Bailey, I swear you're being ridiculous."
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Just then the report of a rifle firing off echos through the canyon. A bullet explodes a rock adjacent to the group into a shatter of stone.
Kyle: [OOC] RIDICULOUS LIKE A FOX!
Joe: [OOC] Okay, game plan. We just need to figure out how to make the sniper hear Beefstorm's voice and I can just tell him that he's horribly depressed and suicidal.
Soo: [OOC] We cannot solve every problem with mind-control-level deception.
Joe: [OOC] YES. WE. CAN.

115- Your Name is Stupid

Dane: [GM] You guys want to get started on that quest and all?
Dane: [GM] Well too bad if you didn't because it's starting now anyway. You're outside Trant's building in the compound. You were given a map to follow to the supposed site of the temple and strict orders not to tell anyone else. Trant probably wants to keep the temple news secret from the main body of the cultists in case it turns out to be a dead lead.
Joe: [OOC] This is a quest starring us. It won't be a dead lead but it might lead to some dead, if you catch my meaning.
Dane: [GM] A familiar woman in a robe slinks up to you. It's the technician from the Watch again. "The bug you planted is working excellently. We're getting lots of great data."
Kyle: [OOC] Hey it's Techie.
Soo: [OOC] She's so awesome.
Joe: [OOC] Hold up guys, I need to test something.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Lord Beefstorm walks right up to the woman and says. "You were about to tell us your real name."
Soo: [OOC] Deception rolls are not mind control, seriously.
Joe: [OOC] Much like poison and high explosives, the utility of deception is limited only by your vision for application.
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] The woman looks a bit confused as to why she would be having this discussion in the mission. "Tess Chie."
Kyle: [OOC] Hah! I knew Dane didn't have a name for her.
Dane: [GM] It's called rolling with the punches Kyle.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm bows. "Right then, Tess. Welcome to the team."
Ian: [OOC] I'm a bit lost.
Joe: [OOC] Beefstorm got the points GR-210 would have earned for the last mission in order to keep all the characters even. I chose to spend them on a fresh follower character. I figure this is as good an option as any. We don't have a mechanically-minded character yet.
Soo: [OOC] Still, I don't think the follower mechanics translate to "You get to steal a random side-character".
Dane: [GM] Tess nods her head. "Not quite sure why I shouldn't keep minding the transmissions but I guess I should come along. What's the op?"
Joe: [OOC] "A bit of a foray into the mountains. Bring your hiking boots. Oh and your name is stupid so we're going to call you Techie."
Joe: [OOC] I'll get started drumming up some stats for her. I had originally planned on using the "beast friend"  modifier to get a squirrel as a follower or something. Was going to name him Mister Chitters.
Ian: [OOC] That's arguably the only thing dumber than this idea.
Kyle: [OOC] We could always rename Techie to Mister Chitters.
Soo: [OOC] Don't encourage this, Kyle.
Kyle: [OOC] Look guys, this character has one trait that I really like, okay?
Ian: [OOC] That she's not Danielle?
Kyle: [OOC] Damn-effin'-right.

114- Reshaping Reality

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali bows. "You honor us by letting us in on this, Grandmaster. What does the Order ask of us?"
Joe: [OOC] Kiss-ass.
Soo: [OOC] We're infiltrating the cult, we're SUPPOSED to act reverent.
Joe: [OOC] I could use my super lying powers and tell him that he just gave full control of the cult over to us.
Kyle: [OOC] As troubling as the idea that the idea could work, let's not.
Joe: [OOC] Fine, why don't we just get foursome of baked potatoes and I can lie to him that it's the magical crystals.
Ian: [OOC] We are not just going to lie past the entire plot arc.
Dane: [GM] Grandmaster Trant nods. "Oh of course deary. We actually have a lead that one of the crystals is right here on Carna. Did you know how this island formed?"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Err, the Makers said there should be one there?"
Dane: [GM] "In a sense, muffin. The island was formed from a massive super-volcano that rose from the sea long, long ago. The ash from the last great eruption filled the soil with fertility. We chose to establish our base here because I felt that the verdant nature growing from the remains of cataclysm so wonderfully mirrored the Order's visions for the world."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm flexes for absolutely no reason. "But what does that have to do with the crystals?"
Dane: [GM] "The volcano that formed Carna was still semi-active during the Old Velthri period. The ancients revered the site as a connection to the elemental concept of fire and earth. We believe they built a temple somewhere in the island's interior."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "So they built a temple on a half-active volcano? Pretty stupid ancients."
Dane: [GM] Trant looks horribly offended at Beefstorm's comment. "What did you say?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "I didn't say anything. We were trading recipes for interesting omelets."
[Dane] ROLLS. [GM] RECEIVES RESULTS.
Dane: [GM] Goddamit.
Dane: [GM] "Oh right, I guess I got confused. Which one did you want again? I have a great one for avocado."
Joe: [OOC] I love this character.
Kyle: [OOC] Stop doing that.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari cracks her knuckles. "A temple deep in a volcanic island. Sounds like a pyromancer is about to earn her pay."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali smiles. "It's cute you think you get paid."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "The smell of charcoal, the roar of the blaze; not all payments are money, miss."
Ian: [OOC] Some shotgun-wielding wizards just want to watch the world burn.
Joe: [OOC] Do you think if Lord Beefstorm told Mari that she studied a different type of magic, it would be so convincing that she would actually change spell schools?
Kyle: [OOC] He's amazingly good at lying, not reshaping reality.
Joe: [OOC] But magic is reshaping reality. Therefore lying about it is also reshaping reality. Now that I think of it, logically, I could just tell the game universe that we already won and the plot will just solve itself by being convinced of that.
Soo: [OOC] That doesn't make sense on so many levels. 
Kyle: [OOC] The word 'logically' is just sort of stuck in that post like a drowning child in a pool of insanity.
Ian: [OOC] I've got a headache.
Joe: [OOC] Want my character to tell you that you don't?