Friday, November 29, 2013

40- Adventures Suck

Dane: [GM] The swarm of insects is getting ever closer to your position. It's probably time to do some of that legging it that you were discussing.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 skitters away at full tilt. "Flee, flee before Kali can waste more body parts trying to help you!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey grabs his hat and starts to run.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari sighs in exasperation and runs off.
Dane: [GM] Soo, what are you doing?
Soo: [OOC] I'm not really sure. I mean, I just lost a whole limb, shouldn't Kali be like, in shock or something? To say nothing of the hose of blood she's probably shooting off right about now.
Kyle: [OOC] Well, technically, you didn't hit anything in the rules that would say you'd be in shock, so as far as the game is concerned, you're perfectly healthy.
Soo: [OOC] That strikes me as oddly unrealistic.
Joe: [OOC] I'm a robot head on spider legs and Ian throws fireballs, THIS is what breaks your suspension of disbelief?
Soo: [OOC] Oh well, don't look a gift absence-of-logic in the mouth I always say.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali is making noises somewhere between panting, crying and grunting as she tries to chase the rest of the group while holding her hand over the stump of her arm.
Joe: [OOC] Kali sounds like my honeymoon.
Ian: [OOC] The panting/crying/grunting?
Kyle: [OOC] Don't encourage him.
Joe: [OOC] Nah, the bloody stumps. The ice-carver at the hotel was kind of clumsy.
Dane: [GM] You lot make your way through the tunnels back towards the surface at full speed, the sound of skittering bugs just behind you giving you motivation.
Dane: [GM] Gonna roll some athletics to see how you guys do.
Dane: [GM] All good. You all bolt out of the tomb and back into the snow. The bugs are still right behind you though!
Joe: [OOC] I feel like this warrants the Indiana Jones theme.
Ian: [OOC] I don't remember the movie where Indy evades hordes of extra-dimensional bugs.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey dives into the snowdrifts around the temple entrance. "Er'ebody in 'ere!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali sort of just flops into the snow, sobbing to herself.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari hops into the snow with Bailey and Kali and reflexively shoves her hand over Kali's mouth to shut her up. "Got to keep quiet. They'll hear us."
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 just sort of moves into the snow, since he doubts the bugs care about robo-meat.
Dane: [GM] The bugs burst out of the tomb/temple and fly off into the grey sky toward town. The sheer number is truly terrifying as they blacken the already overcast sky. Colton is err... what's that word you guys used? Hosed?
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey pops out of the snow and watches the bugs fly off. "Well, this wasn't what I was 'spectin' tah'day to turn out like."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari takes out her potion from before and pours it on Kali's arm to heal and stop the bleeding.
Dane: [GM] That'll drop that mortal wound you had down to a minor one Soo, although you're still shy a limb.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali watches the potion close up her wound. She's still sniffling a bit but she seems better. "I... I didn't think it'd hurt that much."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari hugs Kali super-tight. "Still, you got a buddy for life Ms. dVostog."
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 skitters around, poking both of them with his legs. "I'd say go get a room, but those bugs are about to render every room in the town quite unpleasant."
Kyle: [OOC] Really Joe? Not a single sideways comment about Ian and Soo acting affectionate? I mean, every time they so much as address eachother, you usually freak out.
Ian: [OOC] Kind of surprised myself. 
Joe: [OOC] I point out when Ian and Soo do something, not when their characters do. It's called ROLEPLAYING, look it up... but not too throughly or you'll get to some odd websites. 
Soo: [OOC] So far we've traveled to the ice end of absolutely nowhere. The guy we were looking for is dead and his corpse probably being crapped out by a bug into the chest cavity of some other NPC we met and I've lost an arm. Do all adventures suck this much?
Joe: [OOC] Only the worst ones, and those are the ones you share with other people at the game shop, so doesn't that make them the best ones?
Ian: [OOC] On the upside, I got a shotgun.
Soo: [OOC] Not helping babe. 

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

39- A Better Player

Dane: [GM] You know what? I'm just going to start rolling dice to determine who gets attacked. It makes me feel less responsible for the savage beating you're all about to receive. 
Dane: One of the bugs with a big scythe-y blade claw swoops down from the ceiling, chittering and yelling as it slashes at Bailey and spits drool all over him for completely vindictive reasons.
Dane: However, Bailey manages to dodge ever-so barely out of the way.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey catches hit hat as he barely evades. "Err, y'all. Gonna have tah say we should RUN!"
Ian: [OOC] Dane, can we just start running to end this little er... murder party?
Dane: [GM] Sure thing, I'll only do one more attack then.
Dane: [GM] And appropriately, Ian wins. By this of course I mean Mari gets attacked, so it's really not so much 'winning' as it is 'being mutilated'.
Soo: [OOC] I'm still behind everyone else, right?
Dane: [GM] Another bug swoops down and takes a swing at Mari with it's bladed forearm.
Dane: [GM] Believe so.
Joe: [OOC] Yeah, she is. She was getting all emo over shooting that guy.
Soo: [OOC] There's a rule in the books that lets me pull an ally out of harm's way, isn't there? As long as I do it before the dice are rolled?
Kyle: [OOC] Well yeah, but it carries the risk of being hit yourself.
Soo: [OOC] Still, Mari's a spell caster and if I know the precious few cliches I do about this sort of thing, wizards are flimsy.
Ian: [OOC] So are nobles though.
Soo:[OOC] Actually I have a fairly good Constitution score, my build is mostly about my background points, not my base-stats.
Dane: [GM] This discussion is kind of undermining the er... narrative flow.
Soo: [OOC] She who dares, wins.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali yells "Mari! Look out!" and yanks her out of the way of the attacking bug by the back of her jacket!
Dane: [GM] Okay, first the roll for the attack.
Dane: [GM] Kali succeeds in pulling Mari away. Now the roll for if it hits Kali.
Dane: [GM] Oh my...
Soo: [OOC] That bad?
Kyle: [OOC] Dane only says that when he rolls a critical.
Dane: [GM] No need to panic dear, I'll just roll the effect.
Dane: [GM] Oh my... again.
Joe: [OOC] Soo, now would be a good time to start rolling a fresh character. May I suggest something my character can easily ride on. Maybe a large dog.
Dane: [GM] I'd feel bad about this if I had decided it, not the dice.
Dane: [GM] The bug lunges forward as Kali pulls Mari away. The bladed forearm swings high and strikes Kali's left arm a couple of centimeters below the shoulder. The razor sharp blade slices cleanly through the entire limb, slicing it off in one wet loping sound. The insect quickly seizes upon the severed arm and begins to gnaw on it.
Soo: [OOC] Oh poot.
Joe: [OOC] An entirely appropriate reaction to losing an arm.
Dane: [GM] Give yourself 1 mortal wound Soo.
Ian: [OOC] Since we're all running, can I get melodramatic, rules somewhat negated?
Dane: [GM] Sure.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari screams at the bug and lobs a fireball spell at it.
Dane: [GM] Don't bother rolling, I'll just say you blew it to bits.
Joe: [OOC] You go Ian, avenge 10% of Soo's character.
Soo: [OOC] I think a whole arm is more than 10% of Kali.
Joe: [OOC] You haven't seen her thighs. She's been letting herself go.
Soo: [OOC] Oh crud. I guess I'll have to slug a potion.
Kyle: [OOC] Potions don't work on severed limbs. Could use one to help re-attach a limb.
Dane: [GM] If a certain dramatic wizard hadn't just vaporized it along with the bug.
Soo: [OOC] I'm starting to think helping people in RPGs is a really bad idea.
Joe: [OOC] Hey, you are becoming a better player! 

Monday, November 25, 2013

38- Hosed, Actually

Dane: [GM] You guys hear gunfire from down the corridor those two men just ran from. There's lots of screaming and yelling, so it's reasonable to assume something bad is going down over there.
Joe: [OOC] Translation: Plot happening, guns ready.
Joe: [GR-210] GR dashes off towards the gunfire, lured to the horrific screaming like a moth to a murderous flame.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks down at her pistol for a moment and gets a look of revulsion. "I think I'll just tag along in the rear."
Soo: [OOC] I'm thinking that whole nervous shooting thing was a  fair chance for some roleplay. Kali's not used to all this adventuring stuff so it kind of make sense that some of the more aggressive bits would hurt her sensibilities. 
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey bolts off towards the danger, pulling out both of his pistols this time. "Stay behind me ma'am and I'm sure y'all be fine."
Ian: [OOC] Ever notice that Bailey's accent kind of fades in and out?
Kyle: [OOC] It's hard to maintain with certain phrases.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari gets off her knees from her cool slidey-gunny thing before and follows the group.
Dane: [GM] The corridor is barely lit but you can see that it spirals downward into the darkness. The floor is a spiraling ramp of sorts downward. As you run along, there's numerous dead bodies of men in snow gear about. Each looks like he died from a savage flurry of blows from something sharp.
Joe: [OOC] Flurry of blows... damn it, they've unlocked 3e DnD monks. We'll have to outwit them by... oh wait, those were pretty messy stat-wise. I think we'll be fine.
Soo: [OOC] 'from something sharp' Joe.
Joe: [OOC] Fine, 3e DnD monks with kamas. Happy?
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey rushes past the bodies and continues down the spiral.
Dane: [GM] As you reach the bottom of the spiral, the hallway opens up on a large room lined with columns. The entire space is lit with torches and lamps but most of the light stems from a huge glowing purple portal at the far side of the room. Massive bug-like creatures are skittering out of the portal in massed ranks and a small collection of men in snowsuits are shooting at them in a panic with SMGs and shotguns. The humans appear to be well... losing.
Joe: [OOC] Okay, game-plan time. Do we kill them all or just let one side kill the other then mop it up?
Kyle: [OOC] As this is the first occurence in the story of a legion of bug monsters pouring out of a portal, I'm inclined to believe this is one of those 'we need to run away' situations.
Joe: [OOC] Dane's not going to kill our whole group and he'll just make them infinite. Let's get a huge pile of build points by mowing down a huge lot of them first, THEN running.
Ian: [OOC] This game rewards points by completing the plot, not kills.
Dane: [GM] You guys have long worn out my 'willing to let you metagame' nerve. Give me a second, I'm rolling up initiative as a legion of bugs descends on you.
Soo: [OOC] Is 'legion' a game term, or is he just being melodramatic.
Dane: [GM] Oh gee, there were so many different enemies to roll initiative for, my tracker crashed. BRB yall ^.^
Soo: [OOC] ... we're all about to die, aren't we?
Kyle: [OOC] I think Dane is just being silly, Soo.
Dane: [GM] AH, there we go! It turns out the tracker couldn't handle that many enemies at once. So I just had to run a couple different copies of it and do the actual turn order manually. Oh the burdens of being a GM when the group won't just RUN AWAY.
Joe: [OOC] You're not scaring me Dane.
Dane: [GM] My dice rolls will blot out the sun!
Joe: [OOC] Then we shall calculate modifiers in the shade! I don't care when my turn order is, queue me up for an attack!
Ian: [OOC] NOW we're screwed.
Kyle: [OOC] Hosed, really.

Friday, November 22, 2013

37- Soo's Little Crazy Moment

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks around the lit end of the hallway.
Dane: [GM] You stand on a landing with a set of stairs in front of you. The stairs are part of a grand staircase that goes down through the middle of a very large chamber decorated with burning lanterns. The lamps are all contemporary gas lamps rather than anything that looks like it belongs in a tomb. There are several doors down on the ground level of the room, all sealed.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari scoots down the stairs, waving her shotgun around defensively as she does.
Joe: [OOC] You're just mentioning it to rub it in.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 skitters down the stairs. "This room appears to be large."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey saunters down the stairs with his hands in his pockets, staring at the robot head.
Joe: [OOC] What? You think it's always easy coming up with insightful dialogue?
Dane: [GM] Down on the ground level, you see lots of equipment that looks modern: surveying gear, mining equipment, etc..
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Hmm, all this mining and surveying stuff. I guess that's why they came to Colton as a striking-out point."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey sighs. "We ain't gettin' paid fer Johnson, I think. Maybe we can sell some'a this 'ere stuff to cut our losses."
Dane: [GM] As you stand around talking, one of the stone doors in the room (the one furthest from you) creaks open and two men in snow gear come running out of it. They look panicked.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali snaps off a shot at one of them with her pistol!
Dane: [GM] Um... damn. Okay. You shoot one of the panicked men and he falls to the ground dead from a bullet to the ol brain-pan.
Joe: [OOC] What the fuck Soo?
Soo: [OOC] Huh?
Kyle: [OOC] Well, I guess to be fair, we probably should have clarified who there were first.
Soo: [OOC] I thought these were the bad guys.
Joe: [OOC] They almost certainly are, but they're panicking. Evil characters only start running away when a bigger problem presents itself.
Soo: [OOC] So I may have just shot a heads-up to something bad that's about to happen?
Ian: [OOC] It's okay Soo, there's still another guy.
Joe: [OOC] That detail aside though, I'm very proud of you Soo. You shot someone without even vaguely considering their value alive, like the sack of prizes they are. 
Soo: [OOC] Your approval fills me with shame and disgust.
Dane: [GM] That other guy is now shooting off a sub-machine gun at you.
Dane: [GM] Not to jump that on you, but I figured Soo's little crazy moment counted as a surprise round, so I did the intiative order for the rest of this half-assed combat: Guy > Mari > Bailey > GR-210 > Kali.
Dane: [GM] The gun fires a spray of bullets that manages to miss you guys, probably from the distance.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Time for some er... information gathering." She runs forward and slides on a knee towards the man, firing off the shotgun.
Joe: [OOC] Murder-Blood the Truth-Knower. Respect it or I swear I'll take off your giblets.
Dane: [GM] Your... bizzare choice of parkour while operating a shotgun pays off and you blast the man backwards into the wall, his chest bursting red with shot.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Mari, we gotta discuss yer def'nition a infermation gathrin'."
Joe: [GR-210] "I contest your opinion, Cowboy. We now have in depth information on what that guy at for lunch and how well it digested. If I'm allowed proper time to dissect the body, we could advance the sciences of torture and medicine, in that order, drastically."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pants and puts her pistol away, as if a bit disgusted with it.
Joe: [OOC] Let's give the SMG to Kali in celebration of her new lack of human decency. I'm so proud of you Soo. You'll be my little murderous attack-Soo. You can come live at my house and study how to be a gaming-dick with me. I'll feed you and change your litter box every week. You can even sleep on the floor.
Kyle: [OOC] Somehow I think the wife would oppose that Joe.
Joe: [OOC] Fine, fine. She can sleep on Ian's floor instead. I think he's into that sort of thing.
Soo: [OOC] Why do the worst things discussed about me happen when I'm not talking at all?
Ian: [OOC] I think there's a sort of perpetual pecking-order contest. If you're not actively shitting on someone, you become the target.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

36- All Supposed to Die

Joe: [OOC] Oh shotgun, we're going to make beautiful things together. Mostly corpses.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari picks up the shotgun and gives it a quick check-over.
Ian: [OOC] Checking it for enchantments Dane.
Dane: [GM] Nope, regular old garden variety shotgun.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Nope, regular old scattergun. Think I'll keep it anyhow."
Joe: [OOC] What the heck, I claimed that first!
Kyle: [OOC] You don't have hands, or a torso, how could you use it?
Joe: [OOC] Let me send you another diagram.
Kyle: [OOC] No, don't.
Ian: [OOC] Besides, I'm the only person besides Kyle with weapon training besides pistols.
Soo: [OOC] Hooray, wizard with a shotgun.
Ian: [OOC] Yeah. All I need is a trenchcoat and a pack of smokes and we can go play Shadowrun instead.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali decides to walk down the corridor a bit further.
Dane: [GM] The corridor is dark except where your lights illuminate, you can see the faint glow of red in the distance, but there has to be at least 200 yards of corridor between you and whatever is down there.
Kyle: [OOC] Trap hallway.
Ian: [OOC] Trap hallway.
Joe: [OOC] The trapiest.
Soo: [OOC] Huh?
Kyle: [OOC] No long empty section an ancient tomb ever avoids having some sort of trap set up in it. It's the linear nature that forces you to do them.
Soo: [OOC] A big part of these games is just knowing a pile of cliches, isn't it?
Dane: [GM] Maybe there aren't any traps, you know? Maybe just for once I chose to not have traps in a hallway. Maybe I got rid of the traps the minute you clowns decided to start expecting them.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali continues down the hallway, looking around.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey follows.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari walks along, playing with her new shotgun.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 follows Mari, trying to plan on how to relieve Mari of her hands for the nerve of daring to take his shotgun.
Dane: [GM] As you walk along the corridor, you get about a third of the way through before GR-210 steps on a pressure plate. Darts begin to shoot out of the walls, whizzing past you in the dark!
Dane: [GM] Or MAYBE I left the traps in after telling you I took them out. MINDFUCK. Now give me some rolls for running down this corridor my trapped little rats! Roll for my pleasure!
Soo: [OOC] Is Dane okay?
Ian: [OOC] He's a pissed DM whose rolls are working out for him: he's as close to a cackling mad god as one can experience in our world.
Dane: [GM] Mwhahah! Roll! Embrace your destiny!

Dane: [GM] ...
Dane: [GM] ... shit.
Soo: [OOC] Dane?
Dane: [GM] You all make it down the hallway, having avoided every dart along the way...
Kyle: [OOC] And this would be the opposite of what Ian was talking about.
Joe: [OOC] That's half-hearted GM code-writing for "you were supposed to all die".
Dane: [GM] Not die, just... you know... suffer a little. I feel like you guys cosmically deserve it when you try to predict me like that.
Soo: [OOC] Should I like... pick up a dart and stab myself with it?
Dane: [GM] As much as I'd love to use my custom JK3K poison damage code, I feel like you deserve it the least Soo.
Kyle: [OOC] JK3K?
Dane: [GM] Joe-Killer 3000. The damage rules are my masterpiece. A potent poison so virulent and so carefully worded that not even Joe could nitpick his way out taking the damage.
Joe: [OOC] Spiff, I'm taking some of these darts then. We can use them on Dane's NPCs. The only thing better than dodging Zeus' lightening bolt is building a device that shoots those lightening bolts back up his bum. 
Dane: [GM] There isn't a word for how I feel about you Joe. Not in Elven, Entish or the tongues of Men. 

Monday, November 18, 2013

35- Murder-Blood the Truth-Knower

Dane: [GM] The passage way out of the foyer area is illuminated by a light of some kind around the corner. You can see a vaguely humanoid shape being cast as a shadow on the wall.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 runs forward, skittering at full speed towards the light. "WE MUST USE STEALTH AND CAUTION!" he screams aloud.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali shrugs and runs after GR with a heavy sigh.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey runs after the two. "Damn over-wrought calculator!"
Soo: [OOC] This setting has calculators?
Kyle: [OOC] It has steam-powered robots, I imagine it has at least adding machines.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari chases after the group. "Why do I think we're about to get killed?"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Cus' we probably are." 
Dane: [GM] Around the corner you find a single gas lamp propped up against the wall. The shadow is cast by the body of an adult man in winter clothes. There is blood on his padded parka. A hat obscures his face.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali leans down to look at the man's face.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 jumps forward and begins to stab at the corpse violently.
Soo: [OOC] What the hell?
Joe: [OOC] We're in a tomb Soo. A tomb in a fantasy game. Do you have ANY IDEA how much that raises the UPQ of this adventure? Like exponentially.
Ian: [OOC] UPQ?
Joe: [OOC] Undead Possibility Quotient: the mathematical probability of something involving zombies, mummies and/or the lesser known living dead. NEVER just get close to a corpse in a tomb without 'preparing it' first.
Kyle: [OOC] So, mutilate the corpse so even if Dane WAS going to have it jump up and attack us, it's too damaged to be a threat?
Joe: [OOC] Precisely.
Dane: [GM] Have I mentioned that I hate you guys? Because I hate you guys.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey pulls out his pistol and shoots a slug or two at the body's hands. "Maybe the little bugger is on'ta somethin' I guess."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari just kicks the corpse for good measure.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali steps back and puts a few shots into the corpse with her pistol as well.
Dane: [GM] Fine, let me move this along. The hat the corpse is wearing falls off as FOUR PEOPLE savagely mutilate the body. The man is... Dillon Johnson.
Dane: [GM] Er.. dun dun DUN!
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali puts her gun away hastily. "Err... this is..."
Joe: [GR-210] GR emerges from Dillon's chest cavity, sporting a festive ley made from his entrails. "Arkward?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "That's um... one way to put it."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "I think we're not gettin' paid y'all."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali ponders the corpse, trying to look past all the damage the group has done to the body.
Dane: [GM] Johnson looks like he was shot in the back with a shotgun, after which he slumped up against this wall to die. Under his corpse you find a sawed-off double-barrel shotgun. The blood trail goes deeper into the tomb, implying Johnson was shot further in and attempted to escape.
Joe: [OOC] Ooh, free shotgun. It's even coated in murder-blood. I like a weapon that's already claimed an NPC's life.
Kyle: [OOC] I doubt it's the shotgun that killed him. Why would he have it? It's probably his own shotgun.
Joe: [OOC] It could be a ruse. To trick us into thinking he's not the murder!
Soo: [OOC] A ruse to conceal the identity of his own murd-... I'm sorry, my brain's stupid filter just wore out. I'm hemorrhaging bad ideas right here.
Ian: [OOC] Want me to shove a tissue in your ear, or is it already spilling too much?
Joe: [OOC] I'm going to name the shotgun 'Murder-Blood the Truth-Knower'.
Dane: [GM] It's just goddamn loot! You don't have to name it.
Kyle: [OOC] Nor name it like a goth garage band.

Friday, November 15, 2013

34- The Bleeding Rainbow

Soo: [OOC] Okay so let's head on over to that temple entrance.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali starts to walk across the snow towards the temple. "Best we get inside before we run into anyone else, I'd say."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari tosses the potion she had to Bailey and follows.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Walks and sips down the potion.
Dane: [GM] You're two wounds are healed Kyle.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 is still hopping up and down on the brutally murdered corpse on the ground in front of him. He skitters off to follow the group when they walk past him. "I'll be back soon my love. Don't go decaying on me."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks down at GR-210 and raises an eyebrow.
Joe: [GR-210] "Err... beep beep. I am a robot. I do not do unspeakable things to corpses."
Dane: [GM] Moving along before that can be explained. The temple entrance is far bigger than it seemed at a distance, the stone face of the temple appears to have been carved directly into the mountain. A line of columns flanks either side of the open stone passage deep into the darkness."
Joe: [OOC] Ionic, Doric, or Corinthian? 
Dane: [GM] What?
Joe: [OOC] The columns.
Dane: [GM] One second, wikipedia.
Dane: [GM] How the hell is that important?
Joe: [OOC] Just wanted to know, Mr. Worldbuilder.
Kyle: [OOC] Going to go out on a limb here and advise Dane NOT to answer that question.
Ian: [OOC] I don't know why he wants to know, but it will somehow involve impalement.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey pulls out a small lamp. "I guess we're goin' in." He begins to walk inside.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari walks behind Bailey.
Ian: [OOC] Dane, please note the word 'behind' there in case there's a trap.
Kyle: [OOC] Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 leaves the horribly unconvicing columns and heads down into the darkness, skittering about the group's legs.
Dane: [GM] Soo, what are you doing?
Soo: [OOC] Back sorry. Columns are pretty, got lost on an image search.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks behind the group, her pistol out just in case.
Dane: [GM] The stairs lead down for at least a couple stories before you enter a foyer area. The walls, for what you can see of them, are decorated in the faded remains of what were likely once vibrant frescos and carvings. Columns support the ceiling here. The foyer is long and continues ahead. At the far end, you can see something casting light around a corner.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I think I had a room at the summer manor done in this style."
Soo: [OOC] Anything to read here? On the walls maybe?
Dane: [GM] There's writing as part of the frescos on the wall, but you don't know what it is.
Soo: [OOC] But we know someone who does.
Joe:[OOC] Who?
Kyle: [OOC] You. You took every language skill in the game, remember?
Joe: [OOC] Oh yeah, but I'd really rather not. I'm not feeling up to it. GR-210 is more about bleeding than reading.
Soo: [OOC] Read the damn wall before I repurpose you into a hat.
Joe: [GR-210] GR reads the wall, under duress.
Dane: [GM] This appears to be less of a temple and more of an elaborate tomb. The writings here are all curses and wards to various Old Velthri gods. The name of the person buried here is not on any of the walls in this room.
Dane: [GM] I rolled knowledge checks for you all too, now that it's identified. Mari, you know from study and past travel that the Velthri Empire dominated much of the continent over 2000 years ago. They were known for their discipline army, elaborate religion, and proficiency with alchemy.
Joe: [OOC] You know, that whole 'bleeding no reading' thing got me thinking. Wouldn't it have been awesome if there was a spin off of Reading Rainbow where LeVar Burton was a paid assassin?
Soo: [OOC] Think you're confusing the word 'awesome' with the word 'Joe-your-an-idiot'.
Joe: [OOC] Picture a Mafia guy/ I can stab him right in the eye!/ Just take some knives / and end some lives! / The bleeding rainbooooooow!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

33- Ayn Rand: Gamer Girl

Dane: [GM] Top of the turn order, so Soo is up.
Soo: [OOC] Well that guy on fire is getting closer, so I think he's the bigger issue.
Joe: [OOC] You're ignoring the 'on fire' part there.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali hops out from behind the tree again and snaps off another shot at that guy I just mentioned.
Dane: [GM] Greeeeat roleplaying there.
Soo: [OOC] Shut up and let me roll my dice dice-man.
Dane: [GM] You hit the burning man with your small-caliber hold-out pistol. He falls to the ground and starts roll in the snow to douse himself.
Ian: [OOC] Kinda got to wonder why he didn't, you know, do that in the first place.
Joe: [OOC] I think it's reasonable to believe that some day you'll be on fire Ian, and we can all ask you. Anyhow, I'm up.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 skitters over to the burning man and pounces on him, stabbing viciously with his little robot-spider-legs. 
Ian: [OOC] That's mildly...
Soo: [OOC] Please say 'horrific' so I can keep respecting you Ian.
Joe: [OOC] Hear that Ian? If you don't dislike this quickly, Soo will stop giving you hourly mouth inspections with her assistant Nurse Tongue.
Soo: [OOC] We're not dating, for the last damn time.
Joe: [OOC] You keep saying that, but the evidence keeps mounting.
Ian: [OOC] What evidence?!
Kyle: [OOC] A) I wasn't even talking B) I like how Dane is willing to talk in all-caps, but not willing to use a serial comma.
Dane: [GM] GR-210 viciously stabs the burning man, severing a major artery and giving the man the sweet release of death that some of us can only dream about.
Dane: [GM] Shooter 1 is now out of the game, so Ian is up.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari bunkers down behind the tree. "I think we're gonna have more trouble inside, so I think I should let you guys take care of that last one alright?" She pulls out a healing potion and keeps it in-hand.
Ian: [OOC] I only bought a couple of these, and I'd rather not use them for non-emergencies, but if Bailey get's clipped again, he'll need it.
Soo: [OOC] This game has healing items? Why haven't we been using them?
Kyle: [OOC] Healing potions and a few others. They're just expensive.
Soo: [OOC] I'm Dagney f**king Tagart here and we're saving money on things that avoid us dying?!
Ian: [OOC] That's a surprisingly err... highbrow reference to make.
Joe: [OOC] I didn't get it.
Ian: [OOC] You never read Atlas Shrugged?
Joe: [OOC] I played Bioshock, same thing right?
Soo: [OOC] Wait, what's he rolling for?
Dane: [GM] Shooter 2's turn is after Ians, aka WHEN YOU ALL WERE RAMBLING ABOUT AYN RAND INSTEAD OF PLAYING THE GAME. Also, the second shooter's bullet blasts the healing potion out of Mari's hand, sending glass shooting everywhere. Mari narrowly avoids hurting herself.
Joe: [OOC] You shot at an item purely to get us to pay attention, didn't you?
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey snaps off another shot at the shooter, despite the distance.
Dane: [GM] Despite the long shot, you hit the man and he appears to fall silent on the ground.
Joe: [OOC] Who is John Galt? MY BITCH!
Ian: [OOC] The crude application of that reference leads  me to believe Joe is currently on Wikipedia as we speak.
Soo: [OOC] It wasn't so much crude as it was illogical.
Joe: [OOC] It says here in this review that Rand's writing was often considered obtuse and hateful. Do you think that mean's Ayn Rand liked Synnibar?
Soo: [OOC] I'm trying to process the concept of Ayn Rand: Gamer-Girl.
Kyle: [OOC] The parasite does not craft magic items, indeed he doesn't even take the feat. Instead he merely loots magic items crafted by others. 

Monday, November 11, 2013

32- They Can't All be Good Ones

Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Ack, dang it. We gotta git those guys down before things git bad."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali drops to the snow behind a tree. "They shot you in the arm and they're probably correcting their aim. I think this already constitutes 'git bad'."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari starts warming up a fireball spell. [Fireblast 2]
Dane: [GM] We should probably like, you know roll initiative and all that. I got a new app for it if everyone's cool with me keeping track.
Soo: [OOC] Sure.
Kyle: [OOC]  Dice that aren't mine tend to be kinder to me.
Joe: [OOC] I'm fine.
Ian: [OOC] Go for it.
Dane: [GM] Okay, I rolled initiatives. It's going to be Soo > Joe > Shooter 1 > Ian > Shooter 2 > Kyle
Joe: [OOC] I agree that Ian is probably less than either of those guys, but I think I'm certainly greater than Soo.
Soo: [OOC] In BMI maybe.
Dane: [GM] You know damn well what I meant.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks around in a bit of a panic. "Damn it, there's no way my pistol is going to hit that far away. Oh well!" Kali whips around from the tree briefly and snaps off a shot with her pistol.
Dane: [GM] Your shot is wide, but only slightly. You can hear the bullet plink off the stonework of the temple entrance.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 begins skittering across the snow towards the shooters.
Dane: [GM] It'll take you like, 3 turns to run that far, you know.
Joe: [OOC] I'd rather start than hang out with the useless-ateers over here: woundy, missy and long-spell casty.
Ian: [OOC] That last one felt forced.
Dane: [GM] One of the shooters fires off a shot, which blows a hole in the snow behind GR-210.
Dane: [GM] Little bastard has an absurd defense at this range. Anyhow Ian, I'm going to count that pre-intiative casting warm up. Ding, fries are done.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari hops out from behind the tree-cover and lobs a fireball overhand towards the two shooters, aiming to land it between them.
Dane: [GM] The fireball flings over the snow field and toward the shooters. It doesn't quiet make it and explodes on the snowy ground between you and them. The blast clearly effects them though as one begins to run towards the group (Shooter 1), his snow clothes aflame. The other one keeps shooting.
Dane: [GM] Shooter 2 keeps up the heat, firing off a shot at Mari.
Dane: [GM] Which misses.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey whips out his pistol, holding his shoulder with his other and. "Time to light 'em up." He fires at the man who is on fire.
Dane: [GM] The shot goes wide and misses the man.
Joe: [OOC] After that one-liner, you deserved that.
Kyle: [OOC] They can't all be good ones.
Ian: [OOC] Just like your rolls.
Kyle: [OOC] I know where you live Ian, or 'will have lived' if you keep that up.
Soo: [OOC] Don't worry honey, if he tries to kill you, you'll have a good 20-30 minutes to call for help while he misses you.
Kyle: [OOC] Why are we suddenly picking on me now?
Ian: [OOC] I'm just excited it's not me for once.
Joe: [OOC] This is the high-point Ian, it's all downhill from here.

Friday, November 8, 2013

31- Suck it Everyone

Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "So I'm thinking we got us a trail 'ere. Lemme see if I can follow it."
Kyle: [OOC] Survival roll Dane.
Joe: [OOC] Given Bailey's usual rolling, I think we can safely start rolling up new characters. Maybe we can do a cool cross-over where our new ones find the frozen corpses of our old ones?
Soo: [OOC] Kyle had a good roll back at that shop before. 
Joe: [OOC] Exactly, he's out of good rolls. And he doesn't have many to begin with.
Ian: [OOC] I don't think that's how probability works.
Dane: [GM] The trail is hard to follow but you can make out a faint path. There was at least a dozen people in this group and they're moving on foot it seems. The age of the trail is hard to determine given the windy conditions blowing snow everywhere. The trail heads off into the thin line of trees and presumably to the mountains not far beyond.
Kyle: [OOC] See? Good roll.
Soo: [OOC] All we know is what Dane said. It could be wrong or useless information until we get there.
Kyle: [OOC] Soo, please be aware of who your currently agreeing with.
Ian: [OOC] I'm going to have to agree with Soo on this one.
Joe: [OOC] Of course you are. "Oh Ian, the way you valiantly kinda stood up for me in that kinda-argument in a chat room. Here is my body, do anything you want to it!"
Soo: [OOC] Is it too late to start agreeing with Kyle.
Dane: [GM] You all suddenly notice a meteorite shaped like my face, contorted into a grimace of rage. It seems to get closer and closer to earth with each moment you AREN'T ROLEPLAYING.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey scoots off along the trail. "This way y'all."
Joe: [GR-210] "Opposition! The last time I followed a guy with a southern accent into the woods, it didn't end well."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali follows behind Bailey.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari follows behind Kali.
Joe: [OOC] And I'll form the head! The power is yours! Captain Planet!
Soo: [OOC] Dane, can that meteorite be very selective?
Dane: [GM] The trail leads you among the thicket of trees and it's fairly easy to follow now because there's plenty of shrubbery for things to get stuck on. You can see the other side of the woods and the white light bouncing off the snow. Beyond the thicket is a bizarre sight: a stone temple, half buried in snow. The parts of the temple you can see from where you are are truly massive and one can only contemplate how big the whole thing is. It seems to be built into the side of the mountains themselves.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey walks out of the trees and tips his hat. "Now that's er... somethin'."
Kyle: [OOC] Successful tracking roll. Suck it everyone. WHAT?!
Dane: [GM] Should I infer that as Bailey leaving the cover of the trees first?
Ian: [OOC] Uh-oh.
Soo: [OOC] Uh-oh?
Ian: [OOC] If a GM asks who does something first in a group, it's NEVER good.
Kyle: [OOC] Doubly so when the word 'cover' is used. And yeah Dane, I guess it's me (damn fast typing).
Dane: [GM] Oh... Ouch.
Ian: [OOC] For the record Soo, that's the other thing GMs say that never is good. There's actually 7 things a GM can say that's always bad.
Joe: [OOC] 9 if you play AD&D.
Dane: [GM] Just as you clear the tree-line, you see two men in snow-gear by the enterance to the temple. Upon seeing you, the jump prone and one snaps off a shot at you with what sounds like a rifle. Despite the distance, the bullet whizzes across Bailey's shoulder, giving him a minor wound.
Kyle: [OOC] Ugg, didn't I get hit in the shoulder yesterday?
Dane: [GM] With a chair I think. This is an entirely new kind of shoulder injury.
Dane: [GM] Oh, and one more thing.
Kyle: [OOC] Yeah?
Dane: [GM] Successful attacking roll. Suck it everyone. WHAT?!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

30- GM-Seppuku

Dane: [GM] The snow along the southern trail is fairly shallow and walking is not anywhere as hard as it might have been at another time of the year. The wind is whipping, however and that's making it seem colder than it probably is. You are currently walking across a wide-open area. The town is now too far away to see and the treeline and mountains loom ahead.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari pulls her scarf up over her face. "This isn't exactly as bad as I expected."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods and walks alongside her. "I'm glad we decided to buy some cold-weather gear though, all the same."
Joe: [GR-210] GR is currently riding on Kali's shoulder since the snow would certainly be too unsupporting of his robo-spider legs. "The wizard-woman is illogical. She is a pyromancer and therefore has access to a spell that regulates her body temperature. She could theoretically be doing this hike naked."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari turn as she walks and cocks an eyebrow at GR-210. 
Joe: [GR-210] "I said theoretically."
Joe: [OOC] I can't have been the only person thinking it.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey keeps checking his weapons as he walks. "Snow is moisture, moisture is bad fer powder. Bad fer guns in general."
Joe: [OOC] Shush, there's no rulebook rule for weather effecting weapons. Don't give Dane ideas. Ideas lead to thoughts. Thoughts lead to stuff.
Soo: [OOC] So the rulebook doesn't cover everything and a lot is left to the GM? Is that kind of like how we haven't eaten in like, days and none of us are starving to death? I mean, we didn't even buy trail rations for this hike. Kali's probably burning a lot of calories.
Joe: [OOC] SOO!
Soo: [OOC] What?
Dane: [GM] To be fair, I've been so distracted trying to keep this plot on track, I kinda stopped caring about non-drama nitpicks. Besides, Soo is loaded so I kinda just figured you guys were mooching dinner off her all the time.
Kyle: [OOC] Sir you are a benevolent and kind deity. Please tell me which direction I should face while I sacrifice chickens in your GM-ly honor.
Dane: [GM] Anyhow, Mari and Kali, you notice something odd along the trail up ahead in the snow.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 attacks the odd something if it is alive, or steals the odd something if it is shiny. If it is neither alive nor shiny, GR-210 does nothing.
Dane: [GM] You can't offer a fork in RP.
Kyle: [OOC] It's actually kind of impressive. Joe just summed up his entire, base animal intelligence as a tabletop gamer in one statement.
Ian: [OOC] I think it kind of sums up most tabletop gamers, I think the rest of us just mask it better.
Joe: [OOC] What is a tabletop gamer? I miserable little pile of urges!
Ian: [OOC] I don't think the reference made much sense, but I appreciate it's inclusion.
Dane: [GM] Soo, Ian is lost. Can you please have your character act on this? Please? I'll be your bitch for life. I'll even bring you matar paneer every week. I'll be your matar paneer bitch.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks up ahead to the thing she noticed.
Dane: [GM] The disturbance is a set of footprints in the snow. A decently sized group actually. The trail is a little worn down by the wind.
Soo: [OOC] Wait a shit, how did you know I like matar paneer? I never mentioned that.
Dane: [GM] Ian mentioned you guys went out for Indian last night while we were at study group.
Joe: [OOC] G... gasp! *accusing pointing!*
Soo: [OOC] It wasn't a date.
Dane: [GM] And there goes the plot again.
Kyle: [OOC] Technically this time, it's your fault.
Dane: [GM] Indeed Kyle. If the group get's off track, the GM must bring it back. If the GM gets off track there is only one recourse...
Kyle: [OOC] You don't mean?
Dane: [GM] Yes. GM-Seppuku. I must go wash myself, write a final house rule on clean parchment, then put on my finest World of Warcaft shirt and solemnly bludgeon myself to death with the rulebook of my choosing.
Joe: [OOC] I nominate Kyle to be the witness, since I doubt you could get Soo or Ian out of each other's mouths long enough to do it.
Ian: [OOC] Soo I'm starting to think we should just stop being friends. Not for any reason related to us, I just think we might kill Dane in a roundabout way.