Friday, May 30, 2014

113- Dancing Around It

Soo: [OOC] I'm just going to put my points towards improving Kali's teleportation magic. With my current math I should be able to move a 100 lbs. object anywhere in line of sight.
Ian: [OOC] How far into magic do you think you're going to go?
Joe: [OOC] I've put my points into contacts like Bailey. I made up a rich patriarch of the d'Vostog family that adores Beefstorm and is disappointed in Kali's life choices.
Soo: [OOC] But Kali's backstory is that she's the free-spirited family eccentric that proves that not all nobles are smug, rich assholes.
Joe: [OOC] I didn't say he disliked Kali's life choices for good reasons. 
Soo: [OOC] To answer your question Ian, I intend to go deep enough into making portals to do what I need to with Joe's character.
Ian: [OOC] That being?
Soo: [OOC] Ever play Bioshock: Infinite: Burial at Sea?
Ian: [OOC] Yeah.
Soo: [OOC] Ever finish the first chapter?
Ian: [OOC] I'll keep a bucket handy.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey looks around, scratching his bum and such. "So um, whats the next thing you need us ta' do Grandmaster?"
Dane: [GM] Grandmaster Trant walks around his office with a martini. "Well sugar, since you asked. I'm sure you know about the gateways the ancients left humanity upon departing from our world."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "The old Velthri gateways."
Dane: [GM] "Correct love. Well, I should probably be more sneaky about this but we've just made the most fabulous discovery in the Imperial heartland. A gateway far larger than any we've come across before. Best of all it's located right near the Imperial capitol city!"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks a little nervous to the rest of the group but smiles to Trant. "So you mean that this portal could potentially be used to..."
Dane: [GM] "Usher in the Great Reformation!" Trant walks to the window and looks outside. "This world is cancerous, dears. The Imperia fights the Federation, the lesser folk fight the nobility and human progress is being lost in the crossfire. When the heralds of the makers come forth and raze this world to the ground, it will finally be free of the dense lattice of ancient feuds and classes. Like a forest fire that sweeps away the old growth and revitalizes the soil for new life."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey nods. "So, you want us to be doin' somethin' related to that eh?"
Dane: [GM] "The portal we found is far too large for even our control tools to operate. It needs some kind of external power source. Sadly there's no such source at the site."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari smirks. "I take it we can't just hook up a generator and be done with it?"
Dane: [GM] "The archaeologists we've used think that a set of arcane geode stack arrays might have been used to power the device in its original state."
Joe: [OOC] I'm impressed Dane.
Dane: [GM] About what?
Joe: [OOC] That's the most desperate attempt to dance around "I'm sending you on the most over-used quest ever: go find magical crystals" I've ever heard.
Ian: [OOC] To be fair, it's less of a trope and more of a cosmic reality.
Dane: [GM] I'm thinking of scrapping the traditional elemental crystals in favor ones based on the moods of the GM: Burning rage, quiet rage, depressed rage, and subtle rage.
Soo: [OOC] Those theme dungeons are just going to be Thanksgiving with my family...

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

112- Always a Bigger Fireball

Dane: [GM] Before we continue on with the next arc of this, I should give you the rewards for the last one. Joe, I'm giving your character the build points the GR would have gotten. I want to keep everyone's characters equal.
Joe: [OOC] I would prefer my character be addressed by his full and formal title at all times, thank you very much.
Dane: [GM] I am never going to refer to your character by his stupid name. Anyhow, check your UIs everyone and distribute away.
Kyle: [OOC] Bailey hasn't been doing much besides shooting lately. I'm thinking I should just scrap the well-rounded idea and go more whole-hog into combat skills. But for now I'm going to take some improvements to his criminal contacts and stealth. We're being sneakier and it wouldn't hurt to have some extra options.
Ian: [OOC] I'm kind of torn on Mari at the moment. I'm kind of near the top of what pyromancy can do right now.
Soo: [OOC] There isn't always a bigger fireball?
Ian: [OOC] Well yes, but to avoid really one-dimensional characters the game has a tiered spell school system. It goes apprentice to journeyman to master to grandmaster nd so on from there. Right now Mari is a "master" level pyromancer. The next tier up is "grandmaster" but in order to go to it, she has to have at least journeyman level skill in a different school.
Kyle: [OOC] The idea is that master level is the most someone can learn in a school without picking up some other skills to synergize in. 
Soo: [OOC] So you need to get a minor in another type of magic to go on to your advanced degree in burning things to death.
Ian: [OOC] Pretty much.
Soo: [OOC] But where would you learn it? When Kali started learning magic we had to justify that she learned it from Mari.
Ian: [OOC] Not really a problem. I'll just say Mari's been working on a different school of magic on the side to spread out her natural skills. Unfortunately that limits me to spell schools adjacent to pyromancy on the Master Chart of Spell Schools. I'll send it to you.
Soo: [OOC] ...
Soo: [OOC] Is this a flowchart for a government department?
Kyle: [OOC] Mildly more confusing than that.
Soo: [OOC] So you have to pick one on the chart that's near pyromancy? That's only two options.
Ian: [OOC] Necromacy and teleportation. And Kali's already gotten started on portal magic so it looks like it's time for Mari the fireball flinging mistress of the living dead.
Soo: [OOC] How are those 'close' to setting things on fire?
Ian: [OOC] We do not question the chart. We simply accept the chart.
Joe: [OOC] The chart is love, the chart is life.
Soo: [OOC] Alongside Bailey the criminal mastermind we now have the walking force of flame and death.
Kyle: [OOC] I'm starting to really wonder if we're the good guys.
Joe: [OOC] We're good guys?
Kyle: [OOC] That 'we' didn't involve you.
Soo: [OOC] Is there a skill for running orphan-operated sweatshops? Maybe Kali can take it and we can just be up front about all this.

Friday, May 23, 2014

111- Not a Jedi

Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm walks towards Trant's part of the compound. "Now come on everyone, we shouldn't keep the Grandmaster waiting. I can tell you some stories about when Kali and I were children on the way."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Wil- Lord Beefstorm, I really don't appreciate you making things up about me like that. We had a perfectly good childhood together."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "You're right sis, I shouldn't play games like that."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari gives Kali a big hug. "I knew you weren't that bad of a person."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Beefstorm just likes to fool around, sometimes in fashions I don't understand."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Beefstorm walks off. "I try to fool around for both of us. The last time Kali fooled around, she killed her college roommate while experimenting with erotic asphyxiation."
Dane: [GM] Sigh. Yep, you believe that one too.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey raises an eyebrow at Kali. "Didn't think ya had that sorta side to ya Kali. Ain't my thing."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari shuffles off a bit.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "You can't possibly believe that! Right Mari?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Oh oh I don't Kali, of course not! Um... I just think I would rather be able to move away at a moment's notice for... some reason.
Soo: [OOC] This is effing ridiculous.
Dane: [GM] I swear to Gygax Soo I'm adding every penalty on the planet to these rolls. There's more negatives on this math than a government expense report. 
Ian: [OOC] I think deception isn't exactly mind control like this.
Joe: [OOC] False. Deception is the most common form of mind control. Ooh hey! What if I start convincing Mari that Kali is going to kill her and that she should strike first. 
Kyle: [OOC] You wouldn't. Okay... you WOULD, but you shouldn't.
Joe: [OOC] Oh what a difference that one consonant at the front can make... but no. I wouldn't end this fun that quickly.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali rubs her temple and wonders if her karma can handle two murders in one day.
Dane: [GM] Back at Grandmaster Trant's office he's quite pleased with your work. "Kittens, I'm just elated with your work handling those infidels. It's such a shame that your friend didn't make it. At least he passed on serving the glory of the Order and thus is entitled to the riches of Heaven."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "But 'e was a robot."
Dane: [GM] "Oh right. Guess he's gone forever then. Appletinis anyone? In loving memory of course. When word came back to the camp about your exploits, I'm afraid that maid you had with you ran off quite upset. The poor dear must have really liked that robot..."
Dane: [GM] The best part of today: the fact GR dying means I don't have to RP Danielle ever again.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "I'm sure she'll be okay."
Dane: [GM] Trant tilts his head. "Oh right. I was meaning to ask about you. Um... who the heck are you and why are you in my office?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "I've always been here. I was here when you sent the rest of the group on the mission. I'm Kali's brother who followed her along because of her habit of killing innocent people. I just want to make sure she's being managed."
Dane: [GM] Trant nods. "Oh right. Now I remember. Given your sister's devotion to the Order, it's so good of you to be willing to help mend her darker ways. You're a good person."
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "I certainly am." 
Ian: [OOC] So now he's a Jedi too...
Joe: [OOC] He's not a Jedi, but if he said he was one, you would believe him.
Kyle: [OOC] There's got to be some way to overcome this.
Dane: [GM] I'm trying dammit! I'm trying. Do you have ANY idea how many rule PDFs I have open right now?

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

110- Beefstorm

Dane: [GM] Feeling better Soo?
Soo: [OOC] Yeah, sorry I got a bit too invested there.
Kyle: [OOC] To be fair, it was a perfectly rational reaction in-character.
Soo: [OOC] Still, it's rude of me to kill Joe's character. 
Ian: [OOC] Joe left for a moment to go work on a new one. Something about swearing eternal vengeance. 
Soo: [OOC] I should probably tell him I'm sorry too.
Ian: [OOC] I wouldn't bother. Joe never gets actually mad. If anything this has given him a new thing to fixate on. Incidentally, I'm going to ask you to not leave your home unless accompanied by someone armed.
Soo: [OOC] I thought you said he never got mad.
Kyle: [OOC] Nope, never mad. He's completely in control of his emotions while he scratches your name onto a chainsaw.
Joe: [OOC] Oh hello special friends.
Soo: [OOC] Hey Joe. I'm sorry for getting so worked up.
Joe: [OOC] Not at all my dear! It was a perfectly rational in-character reaction. I could never be mad at you. Why, this whole incident has inspired a grand new character that you're just going to love.
Soo: [OOC] ...
Soo: [OOC] Okay now I am legitimately scared.
Dane: [GM] Let's just say you head back to camp. Part of the way there an Order member gives you a ride in his truck.
Kyle: [OOC] In the interests of appearing competent, let's just say the explosion thing killed GR-210.
Ian: [OOC] Sure. I was wondering how we were going to explain that the only casualty of the mission was self-inflicted.
Dane: [GM] You arrive back at camp. Many of the cultists are cheering for you as the truck pulls in. The driver must have recounted the story on the radio and the word spread around fast. The cult members are impressed by your vicious handling of the infidels.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey looks around. "Well, guessin' even if I didn't like the means, at least we got on er'ryone's good graces."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali hops out of the truck and dusts herself off. "Either way, let us never speak of this again."
Joe: [OOC] I think now is good.
Joe: [Mysterious Man] Suddenly, a man walks over to the group. He is of average height and a muscular build. His attire is utterly impeccable and he's got a bitchin' top hat. "You seem to be making a name for yourself here" he says, mostly addressing Kali.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali tilts her head. "Are we familiar?"
Joe: [Mysterious Man] "You hurt me. You don't remember my face? My voice? I'm truly wounded my dear sister."
Ian: [OOC] Dun dun DUUUUN.
Kyle: [OOC] Uguh.
Ian: [OOC] I wanted to be part of the moment.
Soo: [OOC] Um WHAT?
Joe: [OOC] Well, you did go through all the trouble of writing up a full biography of your character and, like a good member of the group, I read it all. You said in it that Kali had siblings. My character is the youngest one, Willy, her little brother by three years.
Soo: [OOC] My head hurts.
Joe: [OOC] And, when this game started, Dane agreed to not rule out any of my characters in exchange for bringing in a fourth player character (you).
Dane: [GM] Yep, unfortunately.
Soo: [OOC] Okay, okay. I can roll with this.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Brother? I... I didn't recognize you."
Joe: [Mysterious Stranger] "Oh please. I don't go by Willy anymore! I'm now known by my noble deed-name: Lord Beefstorm."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "But I didn't call you... nevermind. What are you doing here?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari comes over. "Kali! This is your brother?"
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] "Pleased to meet you too Mari. Yes I know all of you. The Shadow's Watch sent me to back you all up. I work for them you see. While I party around the world as a sexy, classy international playboy, I do espionage work for them."
Kyle: [OOC] So you're James Bond with a stupid name.
Joe: [OOC] I'm James Bond with a horrendously manly name. But that's not even the best part. Watch this.
Joe: [Lord Beefstorm] Lord Beef (to his friends) flexes a bit. "I figured I would help my dear sister out even if you used to beat me horribly when we were younger."
Soo: [OOC] You can't just make up parts of our shared backstory.
Joe: [OOC] I'm not, kitten. I built Beefstorm purely around social skills. I flexed all my knowledge of loopholes, extended rulebooks and game magazines to create a character with a bonus to deception higher than the game is designed to logically accommodate. In short, I don't have to make things up. Anything Beefstorm says will be believed. Go ahead and roll.
Dane: [GM] You both implicitly trust Lord Beefstorm even though you were being told an obvious lie about a close personal friend by someone you just met and... yeah look I looked at the math like five times. You both failed to notice the lie.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks very disappointed at Kali. "You never told me that."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "But I never..."
Ian: [OOC] Sorry Soo. In-character is in-character.
Joe: [OOC] I know Dane's usually the one to say this but DANCE PUPPETS! DANCE UPON THE TANGLED STRINGS OF LIES I SPIN FOR YOU!
Kyle: [OOC] Is it too late to go back to the child-murdering robot?

Monday, May 19, 2014

109- The Herpes of People

Dane: [GM] In the interests of fairness, as amused as I am. Let's see a legit roll for this tackle.
Dane: [GM] Kali tackles GR-210, throwing him to the ground and pinning him.
Joe: [OOC] Okay Soo, this has all been cute. Now let's just get back to the game. 
Soo: [OOC] Nope, Kali is going to bash GR into little tiny, child-murdering pieces.
Joe: [OOC] You're adorable when you pretend to be upset. Dane, I'm going to break free.
Dane: [GM] Sorry dude, no good. 
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali just begins smashing GR against he ground over and over.
Ian: [OOC] Why is watching someone getting what's coming to them just so satisfying?
Kyle: [OOC] I don't really know Ian, but I think it's why executions have viewing seats.
Joe: [OOC] Will you idiots just shut up and help me?
Ian: [OOC] I kind of feel like Mari would be on Kali's side for this.
Joe: [OOC] WHY?!
Ian: [OOC] Well, if you remember, you forced Kali and Mari to have a pseudo-lesbian thing going on a while ago in exchange for advancing the plot. It only stands to reason, seeing as we agreed to it, that Mari would support Kali over GR.
Kyle: [OOC] Don't look at me. Bailey just thinks the shit is hilarious.
Joe: [OOC] You're all traitorous whores!
Dane: [GM] A successful smash. Joe, one severe wound.
Joe: [OOC] I pass my turn. Ha! 
Ian: [OOC] I don't get it.
Joe: [OOC] By passing my turn, I'm just passively accepting what Kali does. Therefor Kali is now the evil one because she's the only one being aggressive and she'll be forced to stop.
Soo: [OOC] Except GR still just blew up a town and murdered a kid in addition to probably hundreds of other people, for barely any reason.
Joe: [OOC] Yeah, but I'm not doing anything wrong right this second.
Ian: [OOC] I don't think that's how morality works.
Joe: [OOC] It's a flawless logical trap.
Dane: [GM] Kali swings GR up into the air by his spider-legs and smashes him into the ground with massive force, his bronze casing exploding open and shattering everywhere. GR-210 is now dead.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali slumps over onto the road and pants in exhaustion.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari goes over and gives Kali a hug.
Joe: [OOC] ... the fuck...
Soo: [OOC] Be back in a couple of minutes. I need a smoke.
Ian: [OOC] You don't smoke.
Soo: [OOC] I need a smoke.
Kyle: [OOC] Wow Joe. Didn't think it would come to this. I guess we're so used to your behavior that even our characters are a little more numb to it than realistically likely.
Ian: [OOC] Any odds of salvaging GR?
Joe:[OOC] Don't bother. I've got something new in mind. My vengeance will be swift and incalculable. Dane, forward me Soo's character sheet. I'll be back in ten minutes.
Ian: [OOC] I feel like I should warn her.
Dane: [GM] It's cute that you think you can save her now. I know Joe better than any of you. Once Joe is onto you there's nothing you can do but try to mitigate the discomfort. Joe is, quite simply, the herpes of people.

Friday, May 16, 2014

108- Uppances Come

James: [Author] I apologize for this post being so long. I couldn't find a good place to cut the pacing of it so I decided to just pile it all in.

Kyle: [OOC] Well fine. Let's just let inevitability take its course, shall we?
Joe: [OOC] Which inevitability? That all systems will eventually fall into disorder or that I will eventually kill every character?
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey runs down the hallway, both pistols drawn and ready to gun down the first thing he sees.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali follows along. "Well, he's suddenly in an ambitious mood."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We've got healing potions, I'm willing to take some of this in lieu of grumbling cowboy stuff."
Joe: [GR-210] GR just bobs along and thinks about the meaning of life or something.
Dane: [GM] As Bailey gets toward the light at the end of the tunnel, you hear a loud gunshot. It didn't seem to be aimed at you but it was up ahead.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey slides to a stop, his longcoat billowing all cool-like. He begins to creep forward with more caution.
Kyle: [OOC] Assume I stop if I see someone Dane.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari creeps up behind Bailey, peeking under his arm. "See something?" she whispers.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey shakes his head quietly. "Ya 'eard that shot. Som'un's packin' heat up there."
Dane: [GM] As Bailey gets closer to the light,you realize there's a small room in the tunnel, more lit than the rest of it. You see a man's hand on the ground from the corner of the door frame and a pool of blood beneath it. Someone's dead in there.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali slinks up ahead to the door frame and tries to listen carefully.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 flies over her and peeks too.
Joe: [OOC] Ian, Kyle, peer in too. I want to do that Scooby-Doo thing.
Dane: [GM] Kali hears a sound like a child crying.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari nods. "I'm going to jump in and fireball the first thing I see. If they have hostage we're going to need to be fast about this."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey nods. "Right behind ya."
Joe: [OOC] When has letting our wizard take point ever worked out?
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari hops into the room, fireball primed and ready!
Dane: [GM] The only person in the room in young boy, sitting on the floor crying. There's two men in fancy robes on the ground beside him, dead in pools of presumably their own blood.
Joe: [OOC] Yes! Let it burn Ian! BUUUUURN.
Ian: [OOC] It's just a kid.
Joe: [OOC] You said 'the first thing I see' therefore you MUST toast that kid.
Ian: [OOC] That's not how a readied action works in any game and Mari was speaking, not me declaring an action.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari stumbles a bit, caught off-guard by the lack of a target. "It's just a kid everyone."
Dane: [GM] As the rest of the group mulls in at their own pace, you realize that this isn't just a kid, it's the Prophet!
Soo: [OOC] I kind of assumed so. I figure the odds of two children existing in this game is fairly low. Time to work the ol' charisma.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks over to the child, a warm smile on her face. "It's okay, we're not going to hurt you."
Dane: [GM] The boy looks up at Kali with big, puffy red eyes. "You... you know I'm the Prophet right? Bernard Weiss. You're the ones who came here to kill me, aren't you?"
Joe: [GR-210] GR buzzes out of the room. "This one tunnel is hardly an escape route. I'm going to scout out another. Maybe I can find some loot to make this worthwhile."
Dane: [GM] Go to a private chat with me Joe, we'll do your events there.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali sits down next to Bernard. "Well, yes. We were sent here to find you, but we're not going to hurt you."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks at the corpses. "What happened here?"
Dane: [GM] The boy looks at the ground, hugging his knees. "The high priests. They argued about what to do. One of them wanted to escape with me through the service tunnel. The other one thought they should kill me so that I couldn't be used by the enemies of our faith. They fought and shot each other..."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "So yer really a prophet then? Iffin' they're that serious."
Dane: [GM] "I don't know!" the boy says, tears in his eyes. "I have strange dreams. The priests said they were visions! I don't know but people really seemed to need me! I just get so afraid!" Weiss starts to cry.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pulls the boy into her lap with her one arm and tries to comfort him. "There, there. It's going to be alright. We need to get you off this island though. Another religion is here and they won't stop until they've driven off competition."
Dane: [GM] The little kid nods, her face buried in Kali's arm.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "So that's the plan? We git 'im offa the island? 'Pose that'd please Trant."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari smiles. "You're good with kids Kali."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods back. "I like children. I was the oldest of five so I've raised quite a few, you know."
Soo: [OOC] What? It's on my character sheet.
Dane: [GM] Bernard stands up, hugging Kali again. "I will leave the island like you asked. But I cannot leave these people. They believe in me. They build their lives around me."
Joe: [OOC] And in the case of the ones we've met so far, they've died around him too.
Kyle: [OOC] Shut up! You're not even in the room. Now back to your hole solo-quester. 
Joe: [OOC] HISS!
Dane: [GM] "I will tell my followers that a vision is leading us elsewhere. It's a lie but it will get everyone to relocate. I wish you go in peace."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pats Bernard on the head. "You're a brave kid. You'll be a great man some day. I can feel it."
Dane: [GM] Bernard smiles and walks out of the room.
Soo: [OOC] Hooray! Diplomatic solution.
Ian: [OOC] Gonna go ahead and say Soo MVPed this one.
Joe: [GR-210] GR buzzes back in the room. "The only other exit to this room leads to some supply rooms and the center of town. We should go the way we came."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I think that kid will make sure we don't get shot. Let's just head back to Grandmaster Trant's pad."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey strolls out of the tunnel. "Sur'prised you didn't loot the place GR. Yer usual mindset an' all."
Joe: [GR-210] "Sometimes Bailey, it's not what you take. It's what you give."
Dane: [GM] The sun is shining as you exit the tunnel. The fires seem to have been put out and you feel oddly peaceful as you walk back along the road to the Order's camp.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari keeps playfully poking Kali. "I'm so impressed by you."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods and blushes a little. "Like GR said. Sometimes it's what you give. That kid needed someone to treat him like a child, not a religious icon."
Joe: [GR-210] "When I said that, I didn't mean giving something like confidence. I meant something well..."
Joe: [OOC] Now Dane?
Dane: [GM] I was going to let you pretend you didn't do it.
Joe: [OOC] You know I wouldn't accept that.
Dane: [GM] Fine.
Dane: [GM] As you're about three hundred yards from town, the sky itself seems to shudder and darken as a MASSIVE explosion erupts behind you! The town is completely blasted off the face of the earth in a huge fireball of wood and stone. The ground quakes and the air surging from the blast nearly knocks you over even this far away.
Joe: [GR-210] "I meant something like finding the cult's store of weapons and explosives and giving them some fire."
Joe: [OOC] Timed demolition success without even the relevant skills. I'm pretty awesome.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Mother'a god..."
Ian: [Mari Sasho] Mari bites her lip.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali just seems to be completely numb.
Joe: [GR-210] "What you plebs? You think an evil cult leader is going to accept us showing mercy? I let you all be nice and I actually handled the mission. Now let's go home."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Kali..."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I'm... going to kill you..."
Joe: [OOC] You had you're IC tag on. I think you meant to be OOC.
Soo: [OOC] No... no I didn't.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali runs screaming at GR and tackles him to the ground.
Joe: [OOC] I demand an attack roll!
Dane: [GM] She's getting a bonus for just how much you deserve it.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

107- The Goddamn Tunnel

Dane: [GM] You have just disposed of your two attackers when you notice that, just around the bank of the rise the village sits on, there's a wooden door swinging open. It would seem your attackers came from some kind of secret tunnel that goes under the town.
Kyle: [OOC] That's how you say "You messed up and I'm tossing you a bone" in GMese.
Dane: [GM] You're welcome to stay here on the surface and gunfight with the hundred cultists that are aiming for you. I will roll every single one of those attacks. 
Kyle: [OOC] I didn't say I wouldn't take that bone, you know.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey hauls ass for the door.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 flies behind him.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari surveys the enemy positions. "Figure we can take them with me lobbing fireballs at every chance and you giving covering fire, eh Kali?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "It could work."
Dane: [GM] One of the cultists in view is carrying a rocket launcher. A very big one that shoots other rocket launchers. And those don't launch rockets at all: they shoot semi-trucks making deliveries from the rocket factory.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We go for that guy first."
Dane: [GM] Suddenly you hear someone yell "Hey everyone! We just go a delivery of even MORE rocket-rocket-truck launchers!"
Soo: [OOC] Hmm, if we hit one of them with a fireball and they're all carrying those things, they'll probably blow themselves up pretty efficiently.
Ian: [OOC] I've got a fire spell that can pierce armor. I'll aim for the launcher. It's got to be fairly big.
Soo: [OOC] Eesh, yes mom.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari grabs Kali's hand and the two of them run for the tunnel.
Dane: [GM] The tunnel is cramped. You can only go single-file through it as it heads into town. The walls are held up with rafters like a mining tunnel and a series of crude lamps cast dim light. There's more light up ahead. You can head the chaos of the fire and the guns going off up top. Apparently they haven't noticed you escaped yet.
Joe: [OOC] Okay, in the interests of evading traps, Bailey goes first.
Kyle: [OOC] Why me?
Joe: [OOC] Because really we don't have anyone particularly suited to going ahead and you're the most expendable. Kali and Mari are chicks so they can probably just cry if we get caught and I can just pretend to be broken as long as I need to. You're the odd, and only, man out.
Soo: [OOC] Why would Kali start crying if we got caught? She didn't really react too much to being delimbed and shot in the past.
Joe: [OOC] I dunno, figured these guys probably wouldn't be in a cult if they had normal sex lives. We can just sort of nookie our way out of any trouble.
Ian: [OOC] I am not whoring my character to pass a challenge.
Joe: [OOC] Technically you get rewarded for passing a challenge, not how you accomplish it. Just think of it like being a stripper to pay for college.
Ian: [OOC] How Mari paid for wizard school is a private matter!

Monday, May 12, 2014

107- Burning Horses

Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Okay, so now we have a corpse with us. This will do great for consistency seeing as we're all about to die."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey tries to peer over the wall.
Kyle: [OOC] Getting a vibe for how many enemies we're up against.
Dane: [GM] A lot, there's at least a hundred cultist with various degrees of armament in the town. The ones shooting at you right now are probably about a dozen strong. Also, as Bailey looks over the wall, a bullet shoots his hat off.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey ducks back down quickly and retrieves his hat. "Really would'a preferred it iffin' you'd shared this idea first, GR."
Joe: [GR-210] GR bobs about. "You say it like you could have stopped me or something."
Ian: [OOC] Going to use a fireball Dane. I'm aiming for the nearest buildings. Figure we can at least break this little siege.
Dane: [GM] Go for it.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari stands up and throws a fireball overhand at the buildings nearest to them.
Dane: [GM] The nearest building, which looked like a stable, bursts into flames quickly. The town buildings must be built primarily from older wood or something because the fire GR started is also spreading. The gunfire on your position lightens up to sporadic shots as the riflemen retreat back into town.
Ian: [OOC] A stable! I didn't want to burn horses!
Kyle: [OOC] Oh yes, I'll incinerate a town full of people, but heaven forbid I hurt a pony.
Ian: [OOC] Cultists are probably neutral evil, horses are almost certainly neutral. I don't want to jeopardize my alignment.
Dane: [GM] This game doesn't have an alignment system, otherwise Joe would be breaking it to pieces.
Joe: [OOC] Fun fact, if you sniff the alignment slot on any of my DnD sheets, it smells faintly of brimstone.
Dane: [GM] Your peace is short-lived because a pair of gunmen have somehow out-flanked you! They're running up from behind, rifles at the ready!
Dane: [GM] I did some initiatives. Kyle, Soo, Gunman 1, Joe, Ian, Gunman 2.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey whips around, drawing his revolver and firing at gunman one.
Dane: [GM] The first gunman is blasted in the chest and stumbles forward into the ground dead.
Kyle: [OOC] Anyone remember that shopkeeper back in the first town? I think I have some kind of lucky streak when someone charges us from behind.
Joe: [OOC] We'll just make you explore ass-first from now on. We'll be unstoppable.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pulls out her pistol and tries to fire at the other attacker.
Dane: [GM] The shot misses entirely. Sorry.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 hides behind Kali, using her backside for defense.
Joe: [OOC] Her butt's worth at least half-cover. What? I had a flare gun, what am I going to do? I can't fight things that can fight back.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari swings her shotgun up front and tries to plant one in the attacker's chest!
Dane: [GM] The attacking gunman jumps forward to attack but takes a chest full of buckshot, blasting him backward and spraying gore on the group.
Soo: [OOC] Poor gunmen, neither of them lived to get an action.
Joe: [OOC] They say the souls of NPCs who die before their initiative are cursed to wander the earth for all eternity, or until we play something with a different cosmology, either way.

Friday, May 9, 2014

106- The Biggest Collection

Soo: [Kali dVostog] "I really don't see this as much of an improvement."
Dane: [GM] The fire GR-210 started is rapidly spreading and most people are running around either to escape, help or do anything besides COMMIT RANDOM ARSON.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey ducks behind the all, peering over at the spreading fire. "Yeah, 'splain how this 'posed to be better?"
Joe: [GR-210] "Quite simple my good man! Now that everyone is distracted by the fire, we can easily slip into town and waste this little pecker."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Except he's very important to them and they're certainly accounting for him in the middle of a fire."
Joe: [GR-210] "Why must you pollute all good things with your damned logic?"
Dane: [GM] First Scout Nate is running down the hill towards you guys. "Are you lot completely insane?!" he says in an angry whispering way.
Soo: [OOC] Insanity would be far too simple an answer. 
Dane: [GM] As Nate gets to the road and begins to cross to the wall you hear a voice shout out. "There! The flare came from over there! To arms brothers! Heretics are attacking! Protect the prophet!" A flurry of gunfire erupts from the town, hitting the wall and whizzing by overhead. 
Joe: [OOC] How does that work!? I just shot a flare at them.
Dane: [GM] Joe, what is the main point of firing a flare?
Joe: [OOC] To start fires or kill a vampire?
Joe: [OOC] You know what? I've used flares for other things so many times in RPGs, I've forgotten that. I feel like my eyes have been opened.
Ian: [OOC] Does this mean 'shotgun' and 'lockpick' aren't interchangeable terms anymore?
Dane: [GM] As Nate approaches the wall, a rifle shell blasts through his midsection, showering everyone near the wall with a mist of blood! The unfortunate scout slumps onto the low wall.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari tries to pull Nate over the wall to the group amid the gunfire.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey lends a hand.
Dane: [GM] You pull Nate over the wall, but he's clearly dying. He coughs up some blood.
Soo: [OOC] Do we still have medical potions?
Joe: [OOC] I'm not wasting those on an NPC!
Soo: [OOC] But what if he's important to our mission?
Ian: [OOC] As much as I hate to have an opinion that let's Joe have his way, if he were important, he wouldn't have gotten shot.
Kyle: [OOC] One of the key challenges in good roleplay is maintaining a realistic tact when, OOCly, you're being completely logical. For example:
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Nate! Hang in there buddy!"
Dane: [GM] Nate breathes deeply, blood rolling out the side of his mouth. "I... I have one thing to say... carry it back to the grandmaster for me..."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Anything Nate."
Dane: [GM] "You people are the biggest collection of idiots I've ever met and it will be my everlasting shame to have died in your company." He then slumps down, dead.
Ian: [OOC] We can paraphrase a dying request, right?
Joe: [OOC] Surprised he got all that in there while coughing up blood.
Soo: [OOC] You know how they say that fear gives men wings? Maybe hatred gives them lung capacity.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

105- To-Kill List

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali runs off after GR-210, waving the one fist she has in the air. "Get back here you little mechanical idiot!"
Joe: [GR-210] "Come at me lady-bro! I'm gonna have this kid dead before you even catch up to me!" 
Dane: [GM] Nate looks to Mari and Bailey. "I'm not sure whether I'm impressed by your peer's enthusiasm or mortified by it."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari sighs. "It's really easier to just feel both. We do."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey gets up. "Guess I should be stoppin' this 'ere idiocy." He begins to saunter down the hill.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari waves goodbye to Nate and follows.
Dane: [GM] Scout Nate just sort of scratches his head in confusion.
Joe: [GR-210] GR buzzes around, more concerned with dodging and messing with Kali than making progress.
Soo: [OOC] This is a stupid plan anyway Joe. Even if we did want to kill this kid, we wouldn't just run in screaming like this.
Joe: [OOC] That's the magic of it! We're going in there and committing homicide without any real plan, with no specific weapons or tactics even! It's like we're delicate leaves washing down a river of possibilities.
Ian: [OOC] Possibilities and bodies.
Joe: [OOC] Okay so maybe it's the waterway from Stand By Me, still.
Soo: [OOC] Is there some place closer to the town to hide and plan Dane?
Dane: [GM] There's some scrubby bushes up ahead near the main road into town and a small stone wall. You could hide there.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali makes a run for the stone wall and hides.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari ducks behind the wall too. "Fancy meeting you here, ma'am."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Oh good, you're here Mari. I wanted to see someone who isn't on my to-kill list."
Joe: [GR-210] GR lands on top of the all. "Looks like we made it, per my master plan."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey casually walks behind the wall, lighting up a smoke as he walks. "Wha' plan? Pissin' off Kali 'er chargin' inta town like an' idiot?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks over the wall. "Look, either GR's way or Kali's we still need to get into town."
Dane: [GM] The town seems to be barely alive. Everyone walking around the streets is armed and there's very little business going on today. The town is very tiny. Pretty much just a couple of intersections and maybe three city blocks worth of simple wooden buildings. Think a wild west town transplanted into New Zealand.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey looks over the wall too. "These're cultists, not mili'try. Can't just steal uni'ferms. They probably all know each other."
Joe: [OOC] When I got my little gun, it was a flare gun right?
Dane: [GM] Yes.
Joe: [OOC] Okay, everyone, consider your issues invalidated. ACTION GR-210 GO!
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 fires off his flare gun into the center of town, aiming for the wooden buildings.
Dane: [GM] Given it's a flare gun and it's a long shot, I'm going to have to ask for a roll.
Dane: [GM] The flare streaks into town and hits a building, immediately starting a fire.
Ian: [OOC] Mari's a pyromancer, I could have done that if it was the plan.
Joe:[OOC] Yes, but then you would be responsible for lighting a town on fire and not me. Why would I let you have that honor?
Soo: [OOC] Explain how this is a plan?
Joe: [OOC] Now people are going to evacuate, making it easier to get inside.
Soo: [OOC] But now we have to get inside the town while it's on fire.
Joe: [OOC] You really do fixate on the technicalities, don't you?

Monday, May 5, 2014

104- Soo Attempts to Take a Stand

Joe: [OOC] We're not going to let this go Dane, you may as well move on.
Dane: [GM] Nate gestures for you all to crouch down with him on the bluff as he points to the town far below. "The town down there is Pottsdam. It's the second largest town on the island. Heretics have set up shop there and they've brought in a so-called prophet to help bolster their holdings. The Grandmaster asked you to deal with the problem, yes?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods. "Yes. So how will we identify this prophet?"
Dane: [GM] "Identifying him shouldn't be too difficult. He's always surrounded by guards from the cult. You can't just expect to run into him on the street." He reaches into his bag and pulls out a folded piece of paper. "I got one of their heresy-laden fliers. This is all you have to go on."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari takes the flier and looks at it.
Dane: [GM] The text of the flier is very similar to the ideology of the Order, just a different flavor as far as any sane mind is concerned. A picture of the prophet is in the center: a boy who looks to be about ten, covered in complex-looking religious clothing.
Soo: [OOC] Wait, you can't make us a kill a child.
Dane: [GM] Of course I can. You're trying to prove your loyalty to an EVIL group. Why would they care if a heretic is a child?
Soo: [OOC] But that's a moral dilemma!
Dane: [GM] Um... yes. Yes it is. That's the idea.
Ian: [OOC] Hold on Soo, I need to check. Dane, is the GRRMR in effect?
Dane: [GM] Yep.
Ian: [OOC] Okay then, this might get morally ambiguous.
Soo: [OOC] You know I'm going to ask, but what?
Kyle: [OOC] The "George R.R. Martin Rule" basically it's our ground rule for a campaign if we're going to allow/expect death to happen to non-typical individuals like children.
Joe: [OOC] I just call it "Open Season".
Soo: [OOC] We are not killing a kid. Even in a game. It's just depraved.
Joe: [OOC] Soo, Soo, Soo. It's not a kid, it's an NPC. They exist to die by my hand anyway.
Kyle: [OOC] Don't listen to Joe (not that you ever should), of course we're going to avoid hurting this kid if we can.
Joe: [OOC] I think I have a solution that should please everyone.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 buzzes off toward town, his tiny little weapons frittering about. "Let's make a game of this lads! First one to kill the little pecker gets an extra beer back at camp! Tally ho!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "GR! Get the hell back here!"
Dane: [GM] Nate rolls his eyes at the group.
Joe: [OOC] See? Now, if (or should I say "when") I kill this kid, Soo doesn't have to feel bad because she's trying to stop me.
Kyle: [OOC] I think you have an odd understanding of pleasing everyone.
Dane: [GM] I'm really only pulling a moral dilemma because Soo still has human decency. In most groups with Joe, it's kind of a moot point. Remember that d20 Modern game where you played as an elite rescue team?
Kyle: [OOC] You mean the one where he leveled a bank to stop bank robbers?
Dane: [GM] Nah, that was the GURPS game as cops. This was the one with the chainsaws and the school bus full of nuns.
Ian: [OOC] I needed to pray after that one.
Dane: [GM] We all did. We all did.

Friday, May 2, 2014

103- Fist Scouts

Dane: [GM] Several cultists have joined you and you all travel by truck across the rural back roads of the island. You are let out at a small bluff overlooking a town.
Joe: [OOC] You jumped ahead a bit much there, don't you think?
Dane: [GM] Look, I just took a couple of those little caffeine shot things and I'm feeling a bit jumpy. Maybe I'm just not in the mood for more talking-while-going-places bits, okay?
Soo: [OOC] A couple? Aren't those things like, the equivalent of a cup of coffee each?
Kyle: [OOC] More importantly, do you mean a couple as in two, or a couple as in "I ordered a couple of tacos" and you really mean five?
Dane: [GM] No! 
Dane: [GM] I mean, six isn't a lot is it?
Soo: [OOC] Do you define 'a lot' as 'your heart is going to explode'?
Dane: [GM] Shit, just play! The excitement will vent some of the caffeine!
Ian: [OOC] I don't think that's how human bodies work...
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 buzzes about. "If we were doing these insertions correctly, we would be briefed on the mission in the back of a helicopter that would then crash us into the area."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari rolls her shoulder. "Why would that be proper? It sounds pointlessly dangerous."
Joe: [GR-210] "It's called drama you twit!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks around. "Didn't Trant say he was going to have us meet his scout out here?"
Dane: [GM] A voice comes from behind you. "He did." There is suddenly a buff looking man behind you. He has olive drab clothing on and hand a collection of foliage stuck in his hair. "Fist Scout Nate Whelkly, Order Advanced Guard."
Joe: [OOC] Fist Scout? So like, he punches people to learn information? Or does he mostly spy on people boxing?
Dane: [GM] It was a typo. My fingers are jittery. Meant to say 'First'.
Joe: [OOC] Don't care, I like this more.
Ian: [OOC] Nate Whelky isn't a very good name for a professional Fist Scout.
Soo: [OOC] We don't know his middle name. It could be something manly. Like Thor.
Kyle: [OOC] Or Grointhunder.
Soo: [OOC] Um, yes. Or Grointhunder.
Dane: [GM] I can't tell if my heart rate is spiking because of my current chemical imbalance or because of you people.
Joe: [OOC] Maybe the other Fist Scouts have more manly names and he's like the cadet who hasn't earned one yet. Fist Scout Commander Scream Beefstorm is probably already in town.
Dane: [GM] Growing dark... everything...
Soo: [OOC] Okay, let's get back on track.
Kyle: [OOC] Yeah, sorry Dane.
Ian: [OOC] Dane?
Dane: [GM] I'm sorry. I died briefly. I got to see gamer heaven though.
Kyle: [OOC] What was it like.
Dane: [GM] There was a giant temple shaped like a d20. Inside was fountain full of only Mountain Dew Omega, the secret purest strand of Mountain Dew. A celestial choir sung only the finest ambiance music for my games and the rulebooks had all the errata already put in. I'm not sure if I was in heaven, or if my current life is just hell.
Ian: [OOC] To be a GM is to have unlimited power but still have to work with Joe. I think it's one of the lesser known circles in Dante's Inferno.
Soo: [OOC] Well we're happy to have you back. We never leave a man behind.
Kyle: [OOC] Just like the Fist Scouts.
Dane: [GM] ...
Dane: [GM] You think if I drink another one, I'll just die properly?