Friday, January 31, 2014

66- Hulkthority

Dane: [GM] You board a truck not long later and begin a bumpy ride through the jungle to the ruins. The jungle air is thick and humid, even inside the covered back of the truck.
Soo: [OOC] Can I just off-handedly declare that Kali changed into something more adventure appropriate than a dress? I dunno like maybe a pair of pants.
Dane: [GM] Yeah sure, whatever.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari bounces up and down in the bed of the truck. "This is kind of fun. I think I prefer this to the train."
Joe: [GR-210] "Oh yes, there's nothing more comfortable for travel than 1900's truck technology."
Kyle: [OOC] ...?
Joe: [OOC] Dammit.
Joe: [GR-210] "I mean... now technology... or at least a fantasy world with a technological equivalent of..."
Ian: [OOC] Just keep on digging that hole, eventually you'll pop out somewhere.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali shrugs, flexing her shoulders. "It's nice to be away from civilization. Dressing like a proper lady can be so demanding."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I don't know how you put up with it, really. I'd be bothered having things on my face all day."
Kyle: [OOC] The innuendo quality of that statement is around an A-. If Kali offers to put something all over her face I'll grade on a curve.
Joe: [OOC] Yeah, sure, we're out in the sticks. Just stop wearing make-up, let yourself get fat and stop giving a damn what others think. It's like a first marriage.
Dane: [GM] I swear that I GM so that my suicide note will have substance. At this point Joe alone is going to make it a novella.
Kyle: [OOC] Did that Himmult guy come with us?
Dane: [GM] Nope, he stayed back at town.
Joe: [GR-210] GR looks around. "Either way I'm happy that Himmult guy didn't come along. I get a bad vibe from him."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari nods. "I did get a slight evil aura off of him."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey bounces around the bed of the truck, clearly not enjoying the ride. "Guy probably is evil. Never trust 'thority fig'ures like 'im. We oughta change up our exit plan tah keep him on 'is toes."
Joe: [OOC] I know you're being phonetic but 'thority sounds kind of badass.
Soo: [OOC] How so?
Joe: [OOC] Like some kind of cosmic version of authority giving out by the Norse god of thunder.
Ian: [OOC] Or the Avenger.
Soo: [OOC] So doctor Himmult is a bad guy with some sort of jurisdiction officiated by Thor?
Ian: [OOC] It could be worse, it could be Hulkthority. 
Joe: [OOC] Oh please, Thority overrules Hulkthority.
Joe: [OOC] Oh right. Sorry.
Ian: [OOC] Motion to the chair to drop the issue.
Dane: [GM] Chair accepts motion. Issue dropped.
Soo: [OOC] Dare I ask?
Kyle: [OOC] Article 27 of our gaming group charter states that arguments, or even discussion, of the superiority of one superhero over another will result in the immediate end of the group.
Soo: [OOC] That's a bit harsh.
Ian: [OOC] But needed. The article was added after a conversation started about who was faster: Superman or the Flash.
Kyle: [OOC] The details are lost to the sands of time and the fog of war but seriously... people died.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

65- Baby-Terrorists

Dane: [GM] Himmult adjusts his glasses. "But they are of no concern to you. I assure you that your trip to the Velthri ruins will be unimpeded by such trifles. Will you be departing today?"
Joe: [GR-210] "If at all possible yes. And by 'if at all possible' I also mean 'yes'."
Dane: [GM] Himmult nods. "I will have a truck ready to transport you within the hour then."
Ian: [OOC] A truck? Kali's rich. Why can't we get something fancier?
Kyle: [OOC] Yeah, sure. Let's ride a limo to the site. It'll be fun. Certainly no local separatist guerrillas will see anything wrong with a bunch of rich Imperials riding around in a limo.
Joe: [OOC] Can we at least have some kind of garbage cannon? I want to shoot filth at the locals, preferably while wearing a cowboy hat and eating a Big Mac.
Soo: [OOC] Maybe we shouldn't piss off the locals.
Ian: [OOC] Normally I'd agree with you, but you see, these locals have nothing to do with our quest for the magic rod thingy. So they exist purely as a complication. In short, they ain't people and will attack us no matter what we do.
Kyle: [OOC] Let me put it like this: you know how if you're driving really fast, it's a lot of fun, but if you crash it will be fatal?
Soo: [OOC] Yeah?
Kyle: [OOC] Well you know how speed bumps slow you down? Do you ever feel bad about hitting them?
Soo: [OOC] Not really?
Kyle: [OOC] Exactly. Local jerks causing trouble are like plot speed bumps. They stop us from going too fast through the plot and messing it up but we're not supposed to dwell on them too much.
Ian: [OOC] Yep, just hit them and keep moving.
Soo: [OOC] Maybe it's my newness but I feel odd equating an entire culture to a speed bump...
Joe: [OOC] Be careful! Don't think of them as a culture, just as idiotic militants who burst fully formed from the ground armed with machine guns. No back-stories, no little baby-terrorists waiting at home for daddy, just walking sacks of target-oriented blood.
Ian: [OOC] We were being pragmatic Joe. I think you're rubbing it in.
Soo: [OOC] I'm just going to get back in character, where I'm not surrounded by confusing versions of morality.
Joe: [OOC] Morality? The concept of death? because I'm pretty sure GR's kind of the walking embodiment of the idea that things can die.
Ian: [OOC] That's MorTality.
Kyle: [OOC] I like the way you capitalized that. It's like it's wearing a little umbrella.
Dane: [GM] Soo, I'm begging you. The rest are lost.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "That would be a good idea GR-210."
Dane: [GM] Thank you Soo.
Soo: [OOC] It was less of an attempt to get the game back on track and more like a drowning person grabbing onto a life jacket rather than elect to drown.

Monday, January 27, 2014

64- Living in ALLCAPS

Dane: [GM] The man approaches the group and holds out a hand in greeting. "But ov course I'm getting ahead of myzelf. My name iz Doctor Himmult, ze director for ze Imperial Offize of Antquitiez in zis region."
Kyle: [OOC] Okay that accent is already annoying.
Joe: [OOC] Hello? Why yes he's here. Kyle, it's the kettle on the line. It'd like to know if the pot is still black.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks over to Himmult and nods curtly. "I think you seem to be missing the horrific accident going on behind us, but the welcome is appreciated."
Dane: [GM] Himmult nods, a smirk crossing his face as the fire reflects off his reading glasses. "Ze matterz of firefighting are not for me. I'm sure ze ground crew can handle zis matter. I came to dizcuss your expedizion here."
Joe: [GR-210] GR skitters up to Himmult, glaring at him. "I'm doctor GR-210, the head of this research expedition. We should go someplace safer to talk."
Soo: [Mari Shasho] Mari wanders around behind everyone else, still dazed from her fall.
Kyle: [OOC] I do like how we're just kind of letting her walk off a several story fall.
Joe: [OOC] I've got to keep an eye on this guy, he's got glasses so he's definitely evil.
Soo: [OOC] I wear glasses.
Joe: [OOC] And that's why I've always had a contingency plan to kill you and Ian.
Ian: [OOC] I don't wear glasses, Joe.
Joe: [OOC] I know, I just don't like you very much.
Dane: [GM] Himmult leads you all inside to a small office on the airstrip grounds. "I keep a small office here on the grounds of the airstrip for customs purposes."
Kyle: [OOC] Wait, what happened to his accent now!?
Dane: [GM] I got tired of it. I don't know how the hell you do it Kyle. Just assume he's still doing it.
Ian: [OOC] I'm already pretending to be a woman and a wizard, you expect me to also add in accents? Bridge too far Dane, bridge too far.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey sits down, rocking backward in a chair.
Ian: [Mari Sashso] Mari just leans up against the wall, a bit too woozy to sit down.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali sits down and dusts her dress off. "You'll forgive me for not being so quick to get over that, doctor."
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 hops up on Kali's lap and hops about frantically. "You seem awfully calm for someone who just watched TERRORISM."
Soo: [OOC] Is it possible to talk in ALLCAPS?
Joe: [OOC] Baby, I live in ALLCAPS.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle remains calm until GR gets on Kali's lap. The act of doing so seems to short out a circuit in her brain and she looks like she's about to strangle Kali.
Kyle: [OOC] Keep doing it Joe. If she snaps it'll just give me a good IC reason to shoot her.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari notices this and puts a less-than kind hand on Danielle's shoulder. "Come, let's let the important people talk while we go look for a coffee pot."
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle walks out with Mari, her fists so tightly balled up that she might be bleeding.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "You do seem rather calm about that."
Dane: [GM] Himmult interlaces his fingers and leans forward with his elbows on his desk. "There have been several bombings lately. Minor vandalism from locals wishing to break away from the Imperial government."
Kyle: [OOC] And once again we wind up in a place full of revolutionaries.
Ian: [OOC] Should we even bother with the subplot this time or just let the bugs eat them?
Soo: [OOC] They're probably good guys. This Himmult guy couldn't be more of an over-the-top Nazi if Mel Brooks was writing the script.
Ian: [OOC] Yeah but that means we have to be careful. If Dane's selling us on him being evil too hard, it might mean it's a fakeout and he's a good guy.
Dane: [GM] I love how your logic is based on the idea that all people neatly sort into 'good guy' and 'bad guy' categories. How do you know there aren't morally ambiguous characters?
Kyle: [OOC] Because we're protagonists. Good and bad are defined purely by whether they help or hinder us respectively.
Dane: [GM] I wish I could live in your wonderful little world.

Friday, January 24, 2014

63- Huge Pile of Animal Manure

Soo: [OOC] I'm going to miss Mari. She was fun in a pyromaniacal cable TV lesbian kind of way.
Kyle: [OOC] That probably caused it, Soo. We don't have a black guy to die first and usually when that fails it's either the cool guy who can do a lot of damage or whoever else fails to fit the heteronormative core demographic. Mari being both kind of called it.
Joe: [OOC] Oh Mari boy~ The pipes, the pipes are calling~
Ian: [OOC] For the love of Gygax guys, I haven't even hit the ground yet.
Dane: [GM] Well, time to roll for some impact. Rest assured Ian, as much as I might SEEM to enjoy rolling for damage on your character I really don't. I just get a little satisfaction from it that makes my pants feel tight.
Dane: [GM] ... 
Soo: [OOC] I'm not sure if that's a good thing.
Joe: [OOC] He's either stalling because he has to explain away utterly minimal damage, or he rolled horrific damage and he's trying to come up with a way of describing it that won't hurt Ian's feelings too much.
Dane: [GM] Mari plummets to the ground below. She manages to right herself a little bit but ultimately flops face first into a huge pile of animal manure being unloaded from another nearby airship. Ian, give yourself one minor wound.
Ian: [OOC] I'm happy Mari survived and all, but you couldn't think of something besides a giant truck of animal crap?
Dane: [GM] I thought to myself that any way of solving the scene would be shitty, then it just struck me. Well, I mean it struck YOU technically... or you struck it... I really need to look into the grammar.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali runs down the stairs of the boarding scaffold and runs over. "Mari! Mari says something!" she yells.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari waves an arm from within the pile of fertilizer. "L...little help here would be nice."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey comes down and helps pull her out.
Joe: [GR-210] GR skitters down the ramp and putters around. "Are we quite done pretending we care about Mari? Someone just tried to kill us."
Dane: [GM] The airship that exploded has drifted off and crashed in the side of the airfield. You're reasonably safe where you are.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle stands around, looking off into the middle distance. One lock of her hair just finished burning halfway off like the wick of a candle. "At least master GR-210 is safe..."
Kyle: [OOC] Oh yes, THANK GOD for that...
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Normally I'd question if something that happens near us is inherently related to us, but I'm starting to sense a trend."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey nods. "True 'nuff. I'm startin' ta think other parties're in this 'ere rodeo."
Joe: [OOC] Rodeo? Did Bailey just evolve from southern accent to full-ass cowboy.
Ian: [OOC] Full-Ass Cowboy sounds like the name of a website you'd clear from your browser.
Dane: [GM] A man walks over to the group. He's impeccably dressed in a clean white suit despite the muddy surroundings. He also seems to be unphased by the carnage going on on the other side of you. He looks to be middle aged and has his hair combed back. "Vell, zis seems to be quite zhe shpectacle, no?"
Joe: [OOC] He's in a suit, he combs his hair back and he has an indeterminate European accent. He's a villain. I will end him.
Soo: [OOC] For once, I think I agree with Joe.
Ian: [OOC] Makes you feel like something inside you died, doesn't it?

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

62- Lava Bees

Dane: [GM] The airship begins to turn as it comes into docking position. As the ship spins you can see the bulk of Port Caldo: it's pretty much just a muddy little jungle town with a wooden stockade around it. There are a few modern Imperial buildings but the rest is local construction and even the modern buildings are dirtied up and hosting vines. This is very much a colonial town. The ground crew winches the ship up to a mooring mast and connects a bridge to it. Time to disembark.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey, being so close to the door the whole time, hustles out quickly. "Time tah git some fresh air."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali gently pokes Mari with her shoulder and gets up. "I think I'll have to sleep standing up for a few days to balance this long trip out!"
Dane: [GM] As you walk out onto the passenger bridge you're immediately assaulted with the combination of heat and humidity that pervades the region.
Joe: [GR-210] "Damn weather. This is just another hick town like Colton, only in reverse. Hey maybe giant insects from extra-dimensional portals will eat this one too!"
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle just walks quietly behind GR, her neck muscle tensing as he talks in a sort of nervous twitch. "If that's what master would like to happen, I wish it too..."
Kyle: [OOC] Really, REALLY wish we left her home.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari gets up and walks behind the group, holding her head. "I think I need me some solid ground..."
Dane: [GM] Is everyone on the bridge now?
Soo:[OOC] Dammit. Even I know to be concerned when a GM asks for everyone's location like that.
Kyle: [OOC] Aww, our little proto-RPGer is learning!
Soo: [OOC] Or BEES!
Ian: [OOC] ...
Joe: [OOC] What? Fine, lava bees in hats. GOOFY HATS.
Dane: [GM] Ugg fine. I'm rolling for what's about to happen...
Dane: [GM] As you are all halfway across the bridge, a huge explosion rips through the airship! Flaming torrents of gas shoot out at every direction and the world seems to darken relative to the massive fireball that's just engulfed the whole airship. People begin to run and scream in all directions and the bridge buckles as the airship heads for the ground! Bailey, GR, Danielle and Kali make it to the safety of the mooring mast but Mari begins to fall to the ground several stories below!
Joe: [OOC] I never said GR-210 ran to safety!
Dane: [GM] I'm perfectly happy to let you fall to your death too.
Joe: [OOC] No way! I passed the roll!
Dane: [GM] Then shut up!
Soo: [OOC] Crap. Is there anything we can do? Dramatically reach to catch her?
Kyle: [OOC] Or throw Danielle down in the hopes she lands first and breaks her fall?
Dane: [GM] It's a small space, so I'm going to let only one of you attempt it.
Soo: [OOC] Bailey's all dexterous as a gunslinger and has two limbs, so I'm going to pass on this.
Kyle: [OOC] But isn't Mari Kali's sorta-we-haven't-really-made-it-overt-yet girlfriend? Wouldn't that make her more ICly likely to jump at it?
Soo: [OOC] Except 1) I actually have a fairly piddly dexterity score and 2) even if I caught her, Kali's only got one arm, what's she going to hold to stop herself? 
Ian: [OOC] It's a good thing logic is a free action or I'd be dead by now.
Kyle: [OOC] Fair point. Bailey Hunt Friend Grabbing Powers go!
Joe: [OOC] That sounds less like a skill and more like a means to sexual harassment lawsuits.
Dane: [GM] Bailey dives down to reach for Mari but misses her by a fraction. Mari continues to fall toward the ground!
Soo: [OOC] Oh that's right. I forgot the other factor in my logic: dice hate you.
Kyle: [OOC] They don't hate me, we parted ways as mutual friends!
Ian: [OOC] And thanks to that, Mari's about to part ways with her spine.
Joe: [OOC] To be fair, saying "I need some solid ground" while high above solid ground is less tempting fate and more mooning fate and slapping your bumcheeks at her.

Monday, January 20, 2014

61- Naughty Parole Officer

Dane: [GM] If that's everything, I'm going to move on with the plot.
Dane: [GM] The trip you are taking a long slog to the southern provinces to a region called Peranza. A largely unsettled land with very few outposts of Imperial civilization, it is carpeted with dense rainforests only interrupted by powerful winding rivers. You've enjoyed a relatively peaceful flight on an airship which will drop you off soon at Port Cadlo, one of the only real spots of Imperial authority in the region.
Joe: [OOC] Airships, the only steam-punk appropriate way to travel.
Kyle: [OOC] So we were doing it wrong before taking the train?
Joe: [OOC] Nah, I think trains are acceptable, they're just not travelling the skies in a giant flying sack of flammable materials.
Soo:[OOC] On that note, can I make a roll to search and strip GR-210 of all flammable things?
Ian: [OOC] Don't see the point. He'd probably make Danielle blow herself up anyhow.
Joe: [OOC] Ooh, good point.
Kyle: [OOC] Stop helping him!
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali leans back in her seat by the window, watching the dense canopy of trees as they float by beneath the airship.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle sits in a back row seat and seems to be somewhere between sleeping and thinking. It's hard to tell with that creepy chick.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 sits on Danielle's lap and mutters something in his sleep about having a great idea involving her and fire.
Soo: [OOC] Robots sleep?
Ian: [OOC] Most dream of robotic sheep. GR dreams about robotic sheep slaughter and processing plants.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari sits down next to Kali holding a stiff drink. "Got myself something to calm my nerves. Longer I'm on an airship, the more I think about it."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali bumps Mari playfully with her shoulder. "You're bothered with heights dear?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Oh no Kali, it's the flammable gasses and such. When you're studying pyromancy, a lot of things accidentally get set on fire. Even though you learn control later you can't help but have nerves near a flammable thing like an airship."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pokes Mari's glass. "So what's this then? A little extra fuel to make sure you go out cleanly?
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "Just a little liquid nerve."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey keeps pacing around near the door, only looking out the window to try and figure out if they're landing soon. "Ain' right. If man were mean'ta be flyin' 'e'd 'ave wings."
Joe: [OOC] And if characters were meant to have thick southern accents, the setting would have an analog for the American south.
Kyle: [OOC] I don't think Bailey actually is afraid of airships, I just think that Mari talking about accidentally burning things got him to thinking about the subject.
Ian: [OOC] She said accidents happened when she was learning, not now.
Kyle: [OOC] Oh, so all those giant fires she caused have been intentional and perfectly controlled?
Soo: [OOC] Ah, the eternal choice: to admit competence and be a murderer or to deny it and be a bumblingly fatal idiot.
Joe: [OOC] Stop borrowing lines from my parole officer.
Ian: [OOC] You have a parole officer?
Joe: [OOC] Not really, but the wife and I do a little bedroom game of naughty parolee and parole officer.
Soo: [OOC] At the horrible, HORRIBLE risk of dwelling on this, I thought the bedroom thing was naughty police officer?
Joe: [OOC] Oh Soo, someday your relationship with Ian will start to cool down and you'll start making more realistic games as well. Also, we couldn't come up with speeding ticket-related foreplay forever.
Ian: [OOC] We're not going out, Joe.
Kyle: [OOC] Well, time to go slam my head in a car door until I forget this.

Friday, January 17, 2014

60- 10-foot Pole Dancer

Dane: [GM] Since you guys are all getting adventur-ections, should I just initiate the GFOI Protocol?
Soo: [OOC] I can guess what half those letters stand for, I think.
Dane: [GM] The sacred Get the Fuck On with It Protocol is how the group agrees to just skip everything not directly related to a dungeon crawl so they can get right to it. Basically I just ask if anyone wants to buy anything, then fast-forward to the first actual danger of the expedition.
Soo: [OOC] But doesn't that kind of strangle out character development and such?
Joe: [OOC] YES! YES IT DOES! It's wonderful. Nothing but dice rolling and combat! Not even a plot point in sight! Oh wacky gods of old, I feel like I've been holding my breath for sessions now!
Ian: [OOC] I think what Joe is trying to say, albeit in a very Joe-like fashion, is that sometimes it's liberating to just run rampant through an area free of consequences grabbing free things and playing with the combat mechanics.
Kyle: [OOC] Also, there's less NPCs for us to accidentally kill.
Soo: [OOC] I've actually been thinking about that. I don't think we really accidentally kill all that many NPCs. You shot that camping store owner because he attacked us. Danielle shot Felicity Johnson because she attacked us. Mari blew up a bar and a housing block but since those were logical events of throwing fireballs around, it's really less manslaughter and more reckless homicide.
Ian: [OOC] *Runs over, slings an arm around Soo and waves his other hand into the distance* Soon we'll be in a magical segment of the game where such concepts are alien things. An enchanted land where everything is inherently evil because it isn't us.
Joe: [OOC] Kind of like a backwoods parish in the American south.
Kyle: [OOC] Also, I keep saying "accidental" because it's easier than trying to figure out if we're the good guys.
Dane: [GM] So anyhow, it's equipment time. Whose buying what? Given Kali's affluence, it'll only be relevant to handle prices unless you buy something expensive.
Joe: [OOC] The standard Joesploration kit, if you will. 
Dane: [GM] Okay then, a kit of the following: one large backpack, five burlap sacks, five torches, 200 feet of rope, a hunting dagger and a ten foot wooden pole.
Joe: [OOC] GR-210 can't use a backpack or carry much of anything but Danielle can.
Kyle: [OOC] Do we really have to be in an enclosed space with Danielle too... can't she just guard the house or something?
Ian: [OOC] I always felt like a ten foot long pole should really be more awkward than just it's weight. I mean, it seems unwieldy to carry around.
Joe: [OOC] The 10-foot pole is a sacred tradition of dungeon crawling. You can't have a dungeon crawl without one. It'd be like having a stripper without daddy issues... who can, incidentally, dance around the 10-foot pole.
Kyle: [OOC] There's actually an 11-foot pole in the expanded equipment guide. I think it's just there as a joke.
Joe: [OOC] ELEVEN feet? Why don't we just pack sensibly and start respecting Ian while we're busy crushing all of our cherished traditions!
Ian: [OOC] A backpack, fifty feet of rope, a lantern (2 pints of fuel), trail rations and a sleeping bag for me Dane. Oh and two boxes of ammo for my shotgun.
Soo: [OOC] I'll just cop out and get what Ian is getting but replace the shotgun ammo with pistol rounds.
Kyle: [OOC] Me too, but four packs of revolver ammo for my two favorite ladies.
Ian: [OOC] Why do you carry two pistols anyhow? You never use them both it seems.
Kyle: [OOC] I don't know, it just seemed pulp-adventurer appropriate.
Joe: [OOC] Ever try the left one? Like a whole different person.
Soo: [OOC] There's a wooden crate in the containers section of the chapter. Can I buy one to put GR-210 in for the entire campaign?

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

59- Silly Hats and Male Nudity

Dane: [GM] Professor Graham wanders over to his bookshelf and pulls a folio out. He lays it on the desk and begins to sift through it. "If one of these dimensional portals has been opened, there has to be a mechanism to turn it off..."
Soo: [OOC] Oh yeah, that makes sense. "Hey guys, let's build a giant phone/taxi to God, but make sure we can turn it off too."
Kyle: [OOC] "Ugg, the Creators are drunk dialing us again."
Joe: [OOC] "Ya know, I never shay thish but... but I love you guysh I created."
Dane: [GM] Soo, you're not currently on any of my lists, please don't put yourself there.
Soo: [OOC] I'm sorry.
Kyle: [OOC] Wait a minute, does that mean I'm on a list too?
Dane: [GM] The contents of my GM lists are strictly confidential. I'll only comfort you by assuring you that it's a different list than Joe is on.
Dane: [GM] Graham finds something and puts it towards the group. It's a temple carving in the style similar to the ones you saw back up north. In the carving a man in an elaborate headdress and loincloth is gesturing towards what looks like a door with a wand.
Joe: [GR-210] "It all makes sense now! The portals are weak against silly hats and male nudity! Kali! Use your resources to procure a silly hat! Mari! Burn off Bailey's clothing! We have a world to save!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey groans. "Would it damage yer office iffin' I kicked him inta a wall doc?"
Dane: [GM] Graham continues, apparently having a selective blindness to stupidity that allowed him to tolerate GR-210 for years. "All carvings depicting the ritual creation of portals feature a priest wielding a very specific-looking wand. I believe that such a wand must act as a control mechanism for the portal."
Ian: [OOC] I'm not sure if his selective blindness to stupidity helped him tolerate GR, or if knowing GR-210 that long burned it out of him. Chicken or the egg, really.
Ian: [Mari Sasho] Mari ponders the picture. "Makes sense, but where are we even gonna get one of those things? The site at Colton is pretty much a deathtrap, assuming there'd be one there.
Dane: [GM] "The wand in the pictures is described as a "Caller's Baton" and was a symbol of high authority in Old Velthri culture. Specifically it was only owned by high-tier priests. If you wanted one, you'll have to find the tomb of such a person."
Soo: [OOC] Isn't this a lot of conjecture? Are we really going to go dig through some entire (probably trap-laden) tomb just to get a stick on some guy's hunch?
Ian: [OOC] But it WILL work, you see. It will work because that's what we're investing time into obtaining.
Soo: [OOC] So, because we believe this guy, it automatically makes him right?
Kyle: [OOC] More along the lines of "if Dane wasted our time that much, we'd drive to his house and break his shins".
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods. "Which presents a whole different problem: where are we going to find a tomb of an Old Velthri high priest?"
Dane: [GM] Graham smiles widely. "Actually, I know of an undespoiled tomb that I was planning an expedition to in the near future. I have several other sites to explore though, so if you'd be willing to bring back any other significant finds I could just send you in my stead."
Joe: [OOC] Yay! We get to plunder a tomb with the full blessing of some random white guy from an entirely different culture!
Ian: [OOC] To be fair, in the era of pulp adventure that this is set around, that kind of IS how archaeology worked.
Kyle: [OOC] I hope it's one of those tombs with ancient weapons that are inexplicably better than common commerical firearms just because they're old and therefore magic.
Soo: [OOC] You guys seem awfully excited.
Ian: [OOC] We're getting sent into an enclosed, ancient space looking for a treasure! It's a dungeon crawl! 
Soo: [OOC] So we just break into a place?
Ian: [OOC] Yep! And then there's free things and violence.
Joe: [OOC] So pretty much like when I invited you over for Christmas, Soo.
Soo: [OOC] Is it normal to think we're actually the bad guys in this game?
Kyle: [OOC] At first, but the voice in the back of your head will get softer as your roleplayer's intuition seizes control of your mind from your sense of decency.
Joe: [OOC] The coup in my mind was very bloodless... everyone got smothered with pillows.

Monday, January 13, 2014

58- Just Shut Up and Roll With It

Dane: [GM] I'm going to just say they let you all through, before Joe makes this worse. However, they're taking your weapons. No ifs, ands or Joe-based idiocy about it.
Ian: [OOC] At least Danielle isn't armed. I can feel moderately safe again.
Joe: [OOC] Oh yeah, I forgot she existed for a moment.
Dane: [GM] I do as well sometimes: I just think of them as the happy moments in the shattered remains of my life.
Soo: [OOC] Is there some kind of medication plan for GMs?
Kyle: [OOC] Typically no. At best, you can manage to put them down before they finally go over the edge. Every major serial killer and assassin of recent history has been linked to roleplaying games in one way or another
Ian: [OOC] It goes deeper than that even: who killed Abraham Lincoln? John Wilkes Booth. What was John Wilkes Booth? An actor! A professional at playing roles!
Soo: [OOC] Let me guess: Lee Harvey Oswald was a LARPer?
Kyle: [OOC] Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't the GM of his group, the guy in the grassy knoll was, but you get the idea.
Dane: [GM] Professor Graham's office at Empress University is a dense maze of boxes, bookshelves and assorted artifacts. His small desk sits in the only thin shaft of light that gets in through the window. Graham himself is a short, pudgy man in an aged suit. His glasses are small and perch on the top of a rounded nose. His whole office smells of chalk and dust.
Joe: [GR-210] "Ghilly you old sod! How have you been?"
Dane: [GM] Graham smiles down at GR-210 "News of your new body got here before you did. I can say I think I'm doing better than at least one of us. And who are your companions here eh?"
Joe: [GR-210] "A rich gimp, a firebug, an incompetent adventurer and a maid."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali smiles warmly and gives a little nod. "Kalinara d'Vostog, Countess of the Third Banner of House Vostog."
Soo: [OOC] I never got use her full title before! It's fun!
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari bows more deeply. "Mari Shasho, attendant to the Countess d'Vostog."
Joe: [OOC] Interesting choice given her other titles are "mass murderer" and "giant lesbian".
Ian: [OOC] I think I should avoid identifying myself as a pyromancer until the police conclude their investigation into last night. Also, blushing once does not constitute a "giant lesbian".
Joe: [OOC] I've seen you roleplay a relationship before, Ian. You have the subtlety of a truck hitting a wall. A big screaming lesbian truck hitting a big screaming lesbian wall.
Kyle: [OOC] Well, time to re-route this back to the game before it gets offensive (well, more so).
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey tips his hat. "Mr. Hunt. I solve problems."
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle faintly nods. "I serve the master. My name is a trifle."
Dane: [GM] Professor Graham gets up. "Ah, well it is good to meet you all, I should say! Now what brings you to me today?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks over and hands him the journal of Dillon Johnson. "We're performing an investigation into something that happened up north in a mining town called Colton. We believe this book contains something useful but its author was an aficionado of Old Velthri religions."
Dane: [GM] "Ah yes well... let me take a look."
Kyle: [OOC] So we're still avoiding mentioning the giant murderous bugs, right?
Soo: [OOC] It's probably for the best if we keep that to ourselves. It might cause a panic.
Ian: [OOC] I don't know. We murdered tons of people; I personally blew up an entire bar and set a row of houses on fire. I think the people of this setting are getting used to trauma.
Dane: [GM] Ghilliam reads through the journal for a while before closing it. "This is quite grave indeed. I had my suspicions going through it but the end notes do confirm it."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Got somethin' doc?"
Dane: [GM] "The Old Velthri believed that all life on this planet came from another world. They believed that super-intelligent beings shaped humanity and left them on this world to serve some sort of later cosmic purpose. They built great monuments that were supposed to act as signals to the Creators, as they called them, to return. What exactly the Old Velthri expected the cosmic purpose to be varied and it was one of the main schisms in their culture. 
Joe: [OOC] If one of those sects was thinking the purpose was "to be food" they won the bet.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "But what's so terrible about old religious beliefs?"
Dane: [GM] Graham nods grimly. "The magic of Old Velthri society was highly advanced for its time, more advanced even than today's contemporary magical studies. My research has been leading me to believe that they may have actually constructed advanced magical portals in their attempts to create beacons for their Creator gods. These portals wouldn't be like the rare teleportation portals that currently exist: they would not bridge distances but planes of reality instead. This journal sounds like perhaps one of them has been found!"
Joe: [GR-210] "Going to just jump in here and ruin things Ghilly but the thing is that they DID find a portal. They also opened it somehow and now legions of giant bugs are pouring out of it. It was pretty badass, mind you, but still bad."
Dane: [GM] Graham sighs weakly. "Does anyone know about this besides you?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari shakes her head. "We figure no one will believe us."
Dane: [GM] "You are likely right my dear. But it is for the best that they don't. These 'bugs' you describe are extra-dimensional beings. They will be very hard to kill as long as they have an open connection to their own reality. You'll have to close the portal somehow!"
Soo: [OOC] I feel like we're really clawing to avoid just calling in the army here.
Ian: [OOC] Let's put it like this: if we call in the army, we stop adventuring. If we stop adventuring, the game ends.
Soo: [OOC] So just shut up and roll with it?
Kyle: [OOC] RPGs typically hinge on the assumption that everyone on the planet except the heroes is both heinously incompetent and/or fantastically lazy even in the face of certain death.
Joe: [OOC] Kyle and Ian are so committed to realism, you see, that they're incompetent even IN the group just for the immersion factor. It's like when I ate six meals a day and went barefoot to the Lord of the Rings movies.
Ian: [OOC] I thought you did that because you're a fat-ass and had a grudge against the manager at the movie theater, respectively.

Friday, January 10, 2014

57- Trust Me, I'm a Robot Spider Doctor

Dane: [GM] I'm going to jump ahead to tomorrow and god am I never looking back, okay? Oh right, I don't care. MORNING.
Kyle: [OOC] Poor, traumatized Dane.
Dane: [GM] I can't help it. I'm a GM. The game is my children. This is like watching my children make out with each other and one of them is a fat-ass monster in neck-bearded human skin.
Joe: [OOC] Oh that's a bit harsh... Soo doesn't have a neck-beard.
Soo: [OOC] Hey!
Dane: [GM] SILENCE YOU... I mean Joe. Sorry, didn't type fast enough.
Ian: [OOC] In the name of peace, I shall move this plot along.
Ian: [Mari Sasho] Mari looks around as the group walks toward Empress University's grounds. She's clearly impressed with all the big city sights and sounds. She even looped the braid Kali made out of her hair into a bun so she looks more urbane. "So how exactly did you know this Ghilliam Graham anyhow GR-210?"
Joe: [GR-210] "An excellent question! Ol' Ghilly and I go way back. We studied together when I was pursuing my doctorate. Never thought he'd make a professor but then again, I never thought I'd be a robot head with spider legs either."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali tilts her head and tries to cross her one arm (which ends up looking like she's scratching her side). "You have a degree? In what?!"
Joe: [GR-210] "I have a whole set of skills you know nothing about, mono-hand."
Joe: [OOC] Remember how I said I took nothing but language skills when we started? Well even taking all of them I still had a couple points left over so I took some backgrounds till I had a doctorate in child psychology. Check my character sheet.
Ian: [OOC] It says you have a PhD in animal husbandry and agricultural studies.
Joe: [OOC] The campaign setting is kind of on a walking tour of the time between 1980 and the First World War. I figure the two degrees are fairly interchangeable.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey just sighs gruffly. "I'll beh luckeh if they let me in tha' door. I ain' exactleh lookin' like scholar."
Dane: [GM] The front gate of the campus is guarded by two men in fancy modified army uniforms. They look fairly laid back as one would imagine given their peaceful job as glorified campus security. They straighten up when you approach. "Good day to you" one of them says, directing it to Kali since she's clearly the money in the group.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Good day to you as well. I'm here to meet with professor Graham."
Dane: [GM] The guard nods. "I see... and do you have an appointment? This is not a public campus."
Joe: [GR-210] "As I am an alumnus I feel I should be able to avoid that when visiting old Ghilly."
Dane: [GM] "Oh! Doctor GR-210. I didn't recognize you. A new body it seems, yes?"
Joe: [GR-210] "Or lack thereof old chap. I was taking Lady d'Vostog to see Ghilliam, you see."
Dane: [GM] "Ah, right away. And who are the rest of your party? For the record log."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali makes her missing arm look very obvious and gestures at Mari. "Mari here is my helping hands. As you can see I have some issues..."
Joe: [OOC] I'll say.
Soo: [OOC] Shut up.
Dane: [GM] The guard nods and looks to Bailey. "And this um... gentleman. I'll need to ask you to surrender your weapons while on the campus. You can get them back when you leave."
Kyle: [OOC] Hey, no weapons! Maybe we'll meet someone and NOT kill them.
Ian: [OOC] I doubt it. I think it just means we'll kill them in much less efficient ways.
Joe: [GR-210] "Oh this man? I've never seen him before. I think he's been following us."
Dane: [GM] The other guard walks over and puts a hand on Bailey. "I'm going to have to ask you not to loiter on the property."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali sighs. "GR-210 is joking. He's my bodyguard."
Kyle: [OOC] Wait, now I work for you too?
Soo: [OOC] Hush I'm working on the fly here. I think it sounds better than "My alcoholic, gunslinging adventurer friend", don't you?
Ian: [OOC] We could just explain in detail how little he's been able to hit in this campaign. They might let us keep his guns if he knew how little of a threat he was.
Kyle: [OOC] Or we could explain how many innocent lives Mari has ended lately and tell them I'm here to shoot you the next time you try to "help" us. Let's not pull up character history Ian.
Dane: [GM] The guard looks to GR-210. "Is that true?"
Joe: [GR-210] "Ah yes, a simple jest. Trust me, I'm a robot spider doctor. I'd never do something deceptive like lie or use my position and degree to secure cows and orphans for heinous experiments the pervert the basic order of nature."
Ian: [OOC] Why am I getting an extra ping on my evil-meter. Usually Joe's presence accounts for an ambient evil level of approximately 1.8 kilo-Hitlers but I'm somewhere in the low 3s now.
Joe: [OOC] It was brilliant in theory, you see. The multiple stomachs of a cow inside an orphan factory worker. They'd process gruel more efficiently and you could even keep them running on grass!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

56- RP Romance Plot Tumor

Soo: [OOC] So, how do we find an expert on a particular subject anyhow?
Kyle: [OOC] Usually, someone makes a roll for their local knowledge, or research or something.
Dane: [GM] I'll roll for everyone.
Dane: [GM] Well... that's interesting.
Ian: [OOC] That's never a good thing. Ever.
Dane: [GM] The only person in the group who knows an expert in ancient religions is GR-210. 
Joe: [OOC] And suddenly look who's teacher now... Let's hear the bribes. I'll start with demanding one humiliating act per character.
Ian: [OOC] Fine, I'm in.
Kyle: [OOC] As long as it deals no permanent damage?
Joe: [OOC] I'll concede that purely because I like you guys, yes.
Soo: [OOC] Am I missing something?
Ian: [OOC] Occasionally, if Joe possesses something essential to the continuation of the campaign, he demands bribery to use it in-character. In this case he's going with the usual bribe in the form of having characters do something shameful.
Soo: [OOC] So I should just go along?
Kyle: [OOC] In the interests of accomplishing anything today? Yes.
Soo: [OOC] Fine, I'm in too.
Joe: [OOC] Bailey was drinking before while Kali was reading. Bailey will drunkenly attempt to hit on her and then Mari will run downstairs in a towel and declare her undying love for Kali as well, prompting a drunk, naked slapfight.
Dane: [GM] Remember the days when I was the GM? Weren't those great?
Soo: [OOC] Has Joe ever BEEN the GM?
Ian: [OOC] Yes, it was an experience so horrific, the game didn't end at all.
Kyle: [OOC] It transfered to the core of the Earth and became an additional layer of hell.
Joe: [OOC] It's less of a layer, more like an extension or a finished basement. Anyhow, I feel that maybe that would take too long to roleplay, so I'll go with something easier. I demand Kali and Mari subtly hint at being lesbian lovers for at least one scene and I want Bailey to drunkenly throw up on either of them. GO TIME.
Soo: [OOC] There's something inherently wrong with this entire concept.
Joe: [GR-210] "Hmm, I know someone who might be of use for this."
Dane: [GM] The expert you know is named Ghilliam Graham, a researcher and professor at Empress University here in the city.
Joe: [GR-210] "Ah yes, ol' Ghilly. He probably owes me a favor or two. Let's visit him in the morning!"
Joe: [OOC] There, now I'm just going to politely wait.
Ian: [OOC] I hate my life.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari comes down the stairs after cleaning up from the evening. She slumps on the couch in her pajamas and looks around. "So what did I hear? GR's got a good idea on a lead for us?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods and puts the journal on the table. "I suppose he does."
Joe: [OOC] Tick-tock-tick-tock.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali leans onto her remaining elbow. "You really should let me braid your hair Mari. You have such a lovely head of it and you always just lop it off at the chin."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari smiles. "You really think so? It's just so unruly." She sidles over to Kali and turns her back to her, hiding a bit of blushing.
Joe: [OOC] Dance my puppets! Dance!
Kyle: [OOC] This is very wrong, even more wrong than usual Joe-wrong.
Soo:[OOC] I know Kyle, but if we back out, he'll just find some way to make it worse.
Kyle: [OOC] That is true: the only constant in this group is the Joe will find a new line to cross.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali begins to braid Mari's hair. "This will be a bit tough with one hand, but humor me, I don't want to feel like I've lost my touch for this."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari smiles softly despite looking away. "Take all the time you need; I trust you."
Joe: [OOC] I feel like this is a bit forced. Use more subtlety.
Soo: [OOC] How would I know? I'm not a lesbian.
Ian: [OOC] Neither am I... well, obviously, I mean.
Dane: [GM] Don't please Joe too much or next time he'll demand erotic fanfiction.
Soo: [OOC] I dunno, Kali could use some more character traits. I could roll with this.
Joe: [OOC] NO! Don't enjoy it! Then it isn't amusing for me.
Ian: [OOC] RP romance Soo?
Soo: [OOC] An aggressive RP romance plot tumor that sucks up the natures of our characters.
Ian: [OOC] Deal.
Kyle: [OOC] Welp, time for me to fufill both my promise and my sense of decency by putting an end to this.
Dane: [GM] Huh?
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey staggers over to the two women, an empty jug of table wine in his hand. "Welsh, lesh git shome shleep shoon. I'm feelin' a little shulgi..." Bailey then looks sick in the face an unceremoniously vomits onto both of them.
Joe: [OOC] You can't see it through a chat, but I am standing and applauding you Kyle.

Monday, January 6, 2014

55- Calling a Trend

Dane: [GM] The sound of police sirens begins to howl through the air as you stand around. No doubt by now emergency services are on the way to put out the fire.
Joe: [OOC] Can we have a wanted level system, GTA-style? I want a quantifiable way to know when we've provoked enough attention to get the army to show up.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali tucks the journal into her blouse and runs out into the street. "Fire! Fire!" she screams, looking panicked. 
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari runs after Kali. "Seems like a good idea... FIRE!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey doesn't so much run after Mari and Kali as he runs away from GR-210.
Dane: [GM] You all manage to evade police attention as you flee the scene, probably because that's a perfectly reasonable thing to do. With the setting being, at best 1890s in terms of forensics, it's not too hard to imagine you've just gotten away with mass murder, Ian.
Ian: [OOC] Why am I taking all the responsibility for this!?
Kyle: [OOC] Because you HAVE all the responsibility for this. You started the fire in the first place.
Ian: [OOC] Mari's a pyromancer, it's what they do. You know that' expression "when all you have is a hammer all problems start to look like nails"?. Well, it's like that but the hammer is the BURNING FURY OF THE FUCKING SUN.
Soo: [OOC] When you say it like that, it kind of implies you enjoy it. Anyhow, let's go home and do some reading.
Joe: [OOC] That's kind of a step-down in my opinion. We started the evening immolating hundreds of innocent people and now we're going home for some light reading.
Soo: [OOC] And tea with scones. Nothing caps off murder like scones.
Kyle: [OOC] It's kind of troubling that you have an opinion on cooling down after murder.
Ian: [OOC] Speaking of troubling, what happened to Danielle?
Dane: [GM] *sigh* I was hoping you'd forget she existed...
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle manages to regroup with you guys on your side of the street. "I had to discard the rifle into the river. I broke it into individual parts and scattered them over a several thousand square yard area."
Joe: [GR-210] GR vibrates with agitation. "Dammit woman, a gun that's claimed a life is inherently more powerful and accurate than one that hasn't! It gets a taste for blood. I demand you spank yourself when we get back home."
Soo: [OOC] I'm not entirely sure which part of that sentence disturbed me more.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle nods bleakly. "As you wish..."
Kyle: [OOC] The fire is right there guys. We can just shove her in. Put an end to all of this.
Ian: [OOC] No Kyle! If we do that we'll be just as bad as him. Let's just cut ahead to back at the house.
Dane: [GM] You arrive back at Kali's townhouse. It's now around midnight.
Ian: [Mari Sasho] Mari cracks her back and walks for the stairs. "Is it alright if I go take a shower before we do anything else? I'm feeling dirty after that."
Joe: [GR-210] "The souls of the wrongfully dead do kind of leave a clingy film. Try exfoliating." 
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali slumps onto her couch and pulls out the journal. "I think I'd rather read this now. I'll let you all know what I find."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey smirks. "Wha's that? Bailey, go drink yer'self stupid while I do all tha' work? Well, iffin' ya say so ma'am." Bailey wanders into the kitchen to look for a drink.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "There's table wine on the counter!"
Dane: [GM] The journal doesn't seem to have any more clues than it did when you read it at the fire, but you do notice that the recurring religious symbolism is very evident.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "So I'm thinking we should go find an expert on ancient religions" Kali says, thinking aloud.
Joe: [OOC] Who will then turn out to be evil, attack us, be killed by us and then a fire will happen?
Ian: [OOC] ...
Joe: [OOC] What? Just calling a trend when I see it.

Friday, January 3, 2014

54- Meet to Murder Time

Dane: [GM] The journal contains details of the expedition to Colton. Dillon Johnson appears to have been financially backing what could be best described as a "grave robbing holiday": the grunts he hired would do the heavy lifting for him and take loot from the tomb as payment so long as he got first dibs on anything he deemed of historical value. It seems Mr. Johnson was legitimately interested in becoming an authority on ancient Velthri Empire period. You do notice that there's something odd about the way he writes though: his script seems peculiar and there's odd turns of phrase you don't quite recognize. I'll do some rolls about it.
Dane: [GM] Kyle. Bailey recognizes that the way he writes has been modified to resemble Old Velthri script, but it's still contemporary Imperial. So like stupid font they use on Chinese food containers. The turns of phrase that recur in the journal are expressions used in Old Velthri to praise their gods. Specifically, they believed that they needed to be spoken after mentioning a god's name to show respect.
Ian: [OOC] I'm kind of oddly curious how Bailey of all people would have known that, even with a roll.
Dane: [GM] It was kind of odd, everyone failed and he got a crit.
Kyle: [OOC] Bailey is a worldly guy. Seen all kinds of people, been to all kinds of places.
Soo: [OOC] And missed shooting at every single one of them.
Ian: [OOC] More importantly, why are we reading this book out here... next to a burning city block... which might be legally our problem?
Joe: [OOC] I don't actually remember any of us saying we were reading the book either.
Dane: [GM] You didn't. I'm forcing you to have read it. You people are getting reckless with plot materials so I'm getting the exposition out there before you people turn the journal into rolling papers or something.
Joe: [OOC] Oh ye of little faith Dane. We wouldn't do that. Make it into origami hats perhaps...
Dane: [GM] Sit down, shut up and eat you goddamn exposition pie.
Soo: [OOC] We should come to a conclusion quickly guys. We're caught between a wall of burning buildings letting off arsenic paint fumes and the only thing more dangerous: a pissy GM.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari shrugs as she looks over the shoulder of... whoever was reading. "It seems to me that Mr. Johnson was actually kind of into Old Velthri religion."
Joe: [GR-210] "And his wife attacked us before we could get our hands on this book. You know what that means..."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks at the others. "Should I?"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Doomsday cult dedicated to old gods. Always a doomsday cult dedicated to old gods."
Soo: [OOC] Is it too late to switch to a magic school that lets me learn these cliches as quickly as everyone else does?
Joe: [OOC] A Daneomancer would be pretty sweet,but the point cost is prohibitive to say the least.
Kyle: [OOC] And all the good spells are in the Daneomancy (Fucking With Him) sub-school, so you really need to frontload a lot of points to be useful.
Ian: [OOC] There are a couple things that are never good in RPGs Soo: polytheistic religions of extinct societies, empires, nobles who aren't aggressively characterized otherwise and anyone in the career track of steward/vizier/advisor/regent/spymaster.
Soo: [OOC] It must be so relaxing being able to judge things so quickly.
Joe: [OOC] It certainly keeps my MMT down.
Soo:[OOC] Dare I ask?
Joe:[OOC] Meet-to-Murder-Time: the period of gameplay between first encountering a character and their brain matter first encountering a wall.
Ian: [OOC] The manner in which Soo finds all of this alien kind of makes me wonder if she's new or if we're horrible.
Kyle: [OOC] Maybe perhaps it is players who are the real monsters.
Soo: [OOC] Don't say that: Joe will murder us for loot.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

53- Plot-convenienceomancer

Kyle: [OOC] Okay, now that we've probably murdered scores of people thanks to Ian's "help" do we even have any leads for this investigation?
Ian: [OOC] I said I was sorry!
Soo: [OOC] No you didn't...
Joe: [OOC] It's okay Ian. They say ladies love a dangerous man. Heck, if they call dangerous, sexy men 'ladykillers' how do you think they'll react when they learn you're a buildingkiller? That's not even counting the number of people that you literally killed!
Soo: [OOC] I think that's just a figure of speech Joe.
Joe: [OOC] It is? I probably shouldn't have murdered that hooker before I proposed to my wife. I thought it would give me an air of intensity and mystery.
Kyle: [OOC] Grand Theft Auto isn't a dating sim.
Joe: [OOC] Not the way you play it.
Soo: [OOC] Well, we have that journal from Dillon Johnson. 
Ian: [OOC] Right! And there is no more condensed plot coupon in RPGs than a journal.
Dane: [GM] Except...
Kyle: [OOC] Oh sweet shit...
Soo: [OOC] We never actually picked it up, did we?
Joe: [OOC] And we can't go back inside because SOMEONE decided to go Dresden 1945 on a whole city block.
Ian: [OOC] That's kind of an intellectual reference coming from you.
Kyle: [OOC] Can we just get a mulligan on this and SAY we picked it up Dane?
Dane: [GM] Are you kidding? You people fuck with my campaign left, right and upside-down and you expect me to just GIVE you something you lost through your own negligence?
Kyle: [OOC] Um yes...
Dane: [GM] And why should I do that?
Ian: [OOC] Because we can't continue your plot at all if we don't and a plot that never gets played is even worse than a plot that was mangled by the players.
Dane: [GM] ...
Dane: [GM] Okay fine, but we're doing this my way.
Soo: [OOC] *Hugs Ian* Ian Wright: Ace Attorney!
Dane: [GM] Let me think here... Soo.
Soo: [OOC] Yes?
Dane: [GM] Kali took some starter spellcasting last time she got points right?
Soo: [OOC] Yes. Beginner's anti-magic actually, to counter mages.
Kyle: [OOC] I forgot we had an anti-magic user... Probably should have dwelled on that before we resorted to exploding Felicity's head.
Joe: [OOC] To be fair, just because we COULD have solved that peacefully doesn't mean I would have allowed it to.
Dane: [GM] Well, Kali hasn't used anti-magic yet so I'm willing to invoke the sacred RPG rule of "Schrรถdinger's Skill Points": until a skill is used in-game, it may or may not actually exist. If Soo declares that Kali never had anti-magic and instead took temporal magic instead, I'll let her teleport the book out of the fire. A small journal is well within the mass limits of her skill level.
Ian: [OOC] Why does quantum mechanics constantly come up in RPG groups?
Soo: [OOC] Okay, let's do that.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali puts her hand out and mutters to herself while tracing arcane patterns in the air.
Dane: [GM] The journal from within the house teleports out to the yard, landing at Kali's feet. The leather book smells of soot and fire but is otherwise undamaged.
Soo: [OOC] Sweet! I'm a plot-convenienceomancer!