Wednesday, April 30, 2014

102- Mr. Fungoat

Dane: [GM] Grandmaster Trant gives you each a iced drink in a cup. "I'll have my best scout lead you to the town I'm worried about. I'm sure you kids will do just fabulous."
Soo: [OOC] He had to use 'fabulous' didn't he?
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 gives his drink to Danielle instead and buzzes out the door. "Come on lads, it's time to prove ourselves!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey tips his hat to Trant and winks at Jenise. "Les' git to it."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali groans Bailey's behavior and hauls Mari out by the wrist.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari waves goodbye and is hauled out.
Dane: [GM] Aren't you forgetting something?
Kyle: [OOC] Oh yeah... I should have made some kind of one-liner there. Something swarthy and charming.
Ian: [OOC] We should have asked him for weapons or support. I think we can manage.
Dane: [GM] I hate you all.
Soo: [OOC] Oh, the listening device. We kind of dropped the ball there.
Joe: [OOC] Lets just tie it to a rock and throw it through the window.
Ian: [OOC] That strikes me as um... I'm not really sure how to say "so stupid it gives me minor brain damage trying to think of it".
Joe: [OOC] Fine, fine. Plan B time.
Joe: [GR-210] GR-210 flies over to Mari and steals the listening device. "Danielle. Take this with you and go back inside. Tell Grandmaster Trant that we think you should stay here while we go on this dangerous mission. Do anything needed to stay in his good graces. While you're in there, use the device to spy on the Order."
Dane: [Danielle] "B... but I have no training in spying."
Joe: [GR-210] "But you do have training in following my orders. Now hop to it missy!"
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle nods weakly. "I will miss you..." She then takes the device and goes back inside.
Joe: [OOC] They're so cute when they pretend to have free will. Anyhow, mission accomplished.
Soo: [OOC] Grandmaster Trant gave us mixed drinks. We just sent an emotionally unstable young woman to do something dangerous purely because we were too incompetent to do it ourselves.
Ian: [OOC] Don't forget that we're working for a shadowy government agency and that we're probably responsible for at least 100 deaths at this point.
Soo: [OOC] Dane, I'm not sure if this degree of self-awareness is good or not but... are we evil?
Dane: [GM] Whenever we're playing this and I look out the window, I see a flaming, two-headed goat speaking religious verses in backwards Latin. I'm sure those two things are unrelated though.
Joe: [OOC] You see Mr. Fungoat too? I thought it was just me.
Soo: [OOC] I'm going to go see if the milk in my fridge curdled spontaneously.

Monday, April 28, 2014

101- Good Times

Dane: [GM] Grandmaster Trant comes over with mixed drinks. "Now then, I had to ask you a few eensy-weensy questions. Himmy's vouching counts for a lot, but I do find it odd that you all would be introduced to me without havin' done anythin' to prove yourselves to the Order yet. Got to be askin' why sugars, you know?"
Soo: [OOC] The good guys didn't even set us up with any cover? Taking these guys down wasn't really a high priority was it?
Kyle: [OOC] I'm starting to think taking them down might be fairly easy.
Joe: [OOC] Do we really WANT to take them down? I already like this guy more than any other character Dane's made up.
Ian: [OOC] Seriously though, who is our most talented liar?
Kyle: [OOC] Bailey.
Ian: [OOC] Allow me to rephrase, who is our most talented liar who isn't under an ancient curse on his ancestors regarding probability?
Soo: [OOC] I think that's me.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Doctor Himmult was going to send us on some sort of raid to a temple or something he was talking about. He wouldn't share the details obviously. But he found someone else to do it and said our skills would be better served here. He wasn't very direct about it. Made it sound like you had something in mind."
Dane: [GM] Okay, going to need a roll. I'll be applying bonuses for weaving in partial truths and some penalties for trying to speak for someone he knows better than you.
Joe: [OOC] Oh come on, we know Himmult super-good. Remember all the fun times we had together?
Kyle: [OOC] The time he said hello to us or the time he tried to get us to execute each other? 
Joe: [OOC] Good times, good times.
Dane: [GM] Trant nods. "That'd be like ol' Himmy, sending me his best prospects like a kitten with mouse. Well we're just delighted to have ya!" Trant mulls around picking up things. "Langley says you all have a wide variety of skills. I think I have an initiation mission that might be just up your alley."
Ian: [OOC] An initiation mission. Are we pledges yet?
Joe: [OOC] Ooh I hope there's some material for that. I haven't referenced Animal House in months.
Kyle: [OOC] Yes Ian, we're going to steal the rival cult's mascot just in time for the big game.
Dane: [GM] Trant points to a small map he's rolled out on the table. "We're not the only Order seeking to bring about a new world. Unfortunately kittens, some of them don't really see the merits of our organization. Some don't quite fit our message, others doubt our leadership."
Soo: [OOC] Oh, I wonder how they could ever doubt this crack team...
Dane: [GM] "On the eastern side of the island there's a small town. Another order has established a foothold there by bringing in one of their prophets. I want you to settle the matter using any method you deem necessary so long as you are subtle."
Joe: [OOC] He picks a very long way to spell "KILL".
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey flexes casually and leans on a wall near Jenise. "Looks like we'll be workin' ta'gether."
Dane: [GM] Jenise smirks but also rolls her eyes. "Eyes on the prize, cowboy. There's time enough for that later."
Joe: [OOC] Okay look I know Kyle succeeded in one roll to start trying to seduce her, but I'm going to demand more of them for the sake of realism if he's going to be this slimy.
Kyle: [OOC] I'm surprised he passed the first roll, to be honest.
Ian: [OOC] She's a fanatical member of an apocalyptic cult. She's literally the person who said she'd go out with you if the world was ending.

Friday, April 25, 2014

100- Mailbag Read-aganza

James [Author] Hey everyone! One hundred posts! I would say it got here quickly but it sure hasn't. One of the hardest things about doing this project in a free-writing format is trying to build up the plot to a point or big event for the 'big numbers' in the way a lot of web media like webcomics do. While I initially debated trying to throw something big and new in here at ol' 100, I felt that the plot really isn't in a place where a big event would come up.
Joe: [OOC] So you blew your load with the gay super-villain eh?
James: [Author] He's not gay, just camp. There's a difference. Anyhow, I tried to think of something else to do for 100 and I decided to go with the other great fallback of serial authorship.
Soo: [OOC] Spontaneous love confessions?
Ian: [OOC] Stealing a joke from Penny Arcade?
Kyle: [OOC] I poorly thought-out plot arc about a miscarriage?
Joe: [OOC] Have Kyle make a round-about reference to CAD years after that meme ran its course to seem hipster-cool?
James: [Author] I was more thinking of a mailbag event. Now, I'm fairly sure I've never failed to reply to an email about the project and a lot of the emails I've gotten have been similar, so I'm just going to paraphrase it all. Go for it!
Soo: [OOC] Okay, this question comes from Godlonging. The honorable Mr. God wants to know why there isn't more combat in the series. It is an RPG group after all.
James: [Author] Well, to put it simply, I find writing combat to be a chore. Most of the combat scenes, when I look back on them, drag out well past their welcome and I usually start to run short on material to make fun of. I start every post without a plan for where its going and kind of let the 'characters do the talking' to progress the story. In combat there's less of that and I often find myself struggling to make my already-minimal word count requirements. In general I'm planning on keeping combat to encounters with single, large foes in order to keep the writing moving without too many turns slowing things down.
Dane:[GM] This one is going to involve me. A couple of people have asked if one of the characters is supposed to be the author and which one it is.
James: [Author] Originally, Dane was supposed to be kind of a stand-in for myself. However, over time, I wanted to give him more personality and I'm a pretty boring person, so I decided to stop bothering with it. The other characters were originally stand-ins for the members of my regular gaming group (in fact, all the player names are just the middle names of the group and they contributed to the early writing), but again as time went on everyone kind of became their own thing. It's easier and more fun to write exaggerated characters.
Ian: [OOC] This question has only come up once, but it's an interesting one: if each character had a theme song, what would it be? It doesn't have to have lyrics about them, but the vibe from the song is what matters.
James: [Author] As much as I hate to show my gaming roots, I feel like most of them would be video game music (probably because I like to use older game music as ambiance when DMing).I think it would work something like this:
Dane would be Kefka's Theme from FF6.
Kyle would be "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand / Bailey would be the Indiana Jones theme
Soo would be the Twoson theme from Earthbound / Kali would be "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven
Ian would be "The Egg and I" from Cowboy BeBop / Mari would be "Bloody Marie (aka Vs. The Skullgirl)" from Skullgirls
Joe would be "I Was A Maoist Intellectual" by Momus / GR-210 would be "I Can't Decide" by Scissor Sisters
Soo: [OOC] I think the Twoson theme is too nice. I have plenty of edginess!
James: [Author] I have the spring flu so I'm going to field one more question.
Kyle: [OOC] A couple of people have asked if the game we play is based on any specific game.
James: [Author] Ah an easy one: no. Basically I wanted to avoid basing the project on any real life game because I didn't want to have the storytelling be constrained by the mechanics of any one game. If I had to describe the game, it's really most like Shadowrun, a game I like a lot, but I borrow a lot of elements from other things like White Wolf games and Dresden Files. Basically I just yank ideas that would be fun to use in the story. I'm sure if I ran back and logged every rule in the game, there would be a lot of contradictory information. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

99- The Grandmaster

Dane: [GM] One of the permanent structures in the middle of the camp is a small two-story house. Jenise steps inside and instructs you to wait for her to come back.
Soo: [OOC] Okay, how are we doing this. We should probably figure out who is going to do most of the talking with this guy.
Ian: [OOC] First impressions are important.
Joe: [OOC] I thought we were going to have Bailey seduce him.
Soo: [OOC] I think that was a joke or, at least, my subconscious decided it was to keep myself from leaving.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey unbuttons a couple buttons on his shirt just to be ready, showing off some chest hair. You know, just in case.
Ian: [OOC] Great now me AND my character are sick.
Kyle: [OOC] Figure I'd show this grandmaster a little bit of the Temple of Elemental Evil, if you know what I mean.
Joe: [OOC] If I were going to name my love-jungle after a DnD module, I would have picked Tomb of Horrors.
Soo: [OOC] Thank you, I now forever will have the term 'love-jungle' in my mind like a festering lesion on my soul.
Dane: [GM] As you stand around outside the building, a robed figure approaches you.
Joe: [GR-210] "Ugg, it's probably an old man looking to send us on a side-quest."
Dane: [GM] The figure pulls off her hood slightly and you quickly recognized her as that Shadow's Watch technician who installed GR-210's new parts. "Listen my cover here is really not all that great so I just need to pass this along to you quickly."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali looks around quickly to make sure no one is watching. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "What is it?"
Ian: [OOC] Hey it's Techie! She's so cool.
Dane: [GM] For the last time, stop naming my characters.
Joe: [OOC] I bet you don't even have a name for her and you're just pissy we came up with one first.
Dane: [GM] Am not!
Dane: [GM] The technician holds out a small metal box with lots of wires and knobs on it. "This is a listening device. I need you to plant it in the Grandmaster's office when you meet him. It will let the Watch get more information on the Order's operations."
Joe: [OOC] The Watch, the Order, the Grandmaster. You know if you capitalize too many words in a sentence this is officially a White Wolf game right?
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari takes the device and stuffs it in her pocket, letting her baggy clothing hide the object. "Okay, we'll do our best."
Dane: [GM] The technician nods and smiles. "Good luck." She makes a brief gesture with her hand involving a fist. "Ever in the shadows" she mutters, reciting the traditional motto of the Watch before she slips away.
Joe: [OOC] Dane called her the technician twice. I really think she doesn't have a name.
Kyle: [OOC] Easily tested...
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey hollers "'ey! Fer'got ta ask yer name."
Dane: [GM] She's already gone.
Soo: [OOC] He soooo does not have a name for her.
Ian: [OOC] Techie it is then. Long live Techie.
Dane: [GM] Jenise sticks her head out the door. "Come on inside." She leads you inside. Danielle closes the door before I forget she was in that scene. A man is sitting on a comfy couch across the room from you all. He is an older man with a large belly, a bushy Wilford Brimley mustache and round features. Jenise bows deeply. "This is Grandmaster Trant, show 'im the utmost respect. He's the visionary prophet of our Order."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali bows deeply. "Grandmaster..."
Dane: [GM] Grandmaster Trant waves his hand in a very... camp... way. "Heyo! Don't let miss all-business over there get you spooked! Welcome to little slice of the new world order kittens! Sit! Sit! I was going to make some coffee and such!"
Kyle: [OOC] Maybe that whole unshirting thing might have worked.
Soo: [OOC] I feel like this is offensive to someone. Maybe everyone.
Ian: [OOC] I know Dane well enough not to trust anything he does overtly. This guy is probably straight as a ruler.
Joe: [OOC] I don't really care! I automatically love this guy!
Dane: [GM] Why would it matter if he's one way or the other? Society has progressed enough.
Ian: [OOC] Think inclusive social progress only works with good guys. It's still offensive to make people villains. I'll have the check the rules to be sure.
Kyle: [OOC] We're not complaining that this guy might bat for the other team Dane, we're just trying to figure out who was going to seduce him.
Ian: [OOC] Take this seriously guys. If anime has taught me anything, the less masculine a male villain is, the more dangerous they are.
Soo: [OOC] Yeah, this guy is the head of a deadly, world-ending cult.
Dane: [GM] Trant begins to make mixed drinks. "Who likes marshmallow-flavored vodka besides me?"
Soo: [OOC] Alternatively, we could pull this campaign out of the exploitation movie it's becoming by killing him right now.

Monday, April 21, 2014

98- Double-Nowhere

Dane: [GM] The guard at the ridge nods to Jenise and doesn't bother to move much, letting you follow her over the ridge.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey saunters up the hill and walks by the guard, tipping his hat.
Joe: [GR-210] GR hovers around for a bit and follows.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle politely nods to the guard as the group proceeds.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali makes a brief finger-gun gesture to the guard as she walks by.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari just tags along and doesn't do anything interesting.
Ian: [OOC] What? It's not my job to amuse you.
Dane: [GM] The ridge leads down into a large gulch. The green grass of the surrounding countryside has been worn down by the countless boots marching around a huge military encampment that takes up most of the gulch. Tents, training equipment and weapon stockpiles are everywhere and you estimate that at least a thousand people are milling around the area. A few more permanent structures are situated near the center of the camp. Jenise smirks back at the group. "Welcome to home, brothers and sisters."
Joe: [OOC] So wait. The super secret terrorist training camp was literally like, up a hill behind her house? No secret underground cave network? No masterful subterfuge?
Dane: [GM] Its in the middle of nowhere. On an island in the middle of nowhere. That's double-nowhere.
Joe: [OOC] Just saying that this kind of terrorist installation would give a Predator drone pilot an erection.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt]  Bailey smirks, getting a tad too cozy with Jenise. "Ever so humble, there ain't no place like 'ome."
Dane: [GM] Going to have to demand a roll out of you Kyle. Seeing the obscenely low odds of you being able to seduce someone you just met, who is an apocalyptic cultist, while you're maintaining several different lies.
Dane: [GM] Jenise smirks right back at Bailey.
Ian: [OOC] Wow, he succeeded in THAT roll?
Kyle: [OOC] Maybe horn-dogging is Bailey's like... reverse Kyrptonite or something.
Soo: [OOC] Horn-dogging?
Joe: [OOC] So like his Green Lantern ring. 
Kyle: [OOC] It's settled then. I will solve all future encounters with lechery!
Dane: [GM] Jenise leads the group down into the camp proper. "I'm not too important 'round the big folks in the Order. I jus' keep an eye on the road in'ter the camp. I'll walk yall to the people you need to meet. You'll be needin' to meet Grandmaster Trant first like everyone else."
Joe: [OOC] Oh "Grandmaster Trant". Sounds like a worthy first victim of our newly empowered cowboy.
Kyle: [OOC] Normally I would disagree with Joe, but I'm currently feeling drunk with power. If it has a hole, I shall roll!
Ian: [OOC] Please promise me that's not going to be a slogan.
Soo: [OOC] Is there an RPG that could prevent this sort of thing Ian?
Ian: [OOC] Well if we played Alchemicals in Exalted, we would all be magical robots. Alternatively we could play the Song of Ice and Fire RPG, where the setting subtly demands that all perversion be counterbalanced by horrible deaths.

Friday, April 18, 2014

97- SMaLM

Dane: [GM] Jenise Langley begins walking out her back door, urging you to follow along. "Com'mon. We should get ya up there before the sun gets down."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali nods. "Yeah. Better to not draw attention to ourselves."
Kyle: [OOC] Our group contains a maid and a flying robot head. I think we're kind of past the subtle stage.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey strolls along too.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari trails behind the group, looking around at the scenery. "Still a very nice place."
Kyle: [OOC] I swear to god this will be relevant Dane, but how would you rate Jenise's butt?
Dane: [GM] Hmm, I'd say maybe a 7 on the SMaLM.
Kyle: [OOC] I forget, how does that convert into YJLUs?
Soo: [OOC] For once I don't want to know.
Ian: [OOC] Sir Mix-a-Lot Metric and Younger Jennifer Lopez Units.
Soo: [OOC] I said I didn't want to know.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey watches Jenise walk up ahead of them. "Yeah, view's pretty nice 'round 'ere."
Joe: [GR-210] GR immediately catches Bailey's meaning. "Hmm... I could go for some cultist strange."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Mari dear, come up here with me. I don't want you catching whatever disease is afflicting our peers."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari snickers to herself and walks alongside Kali. "It really is anything that moves, isn't it ma'am?"
Joe: [GR-210] "I find that assumption to be rude! To think that I'd be so elitist as to limit it to things that can move! Particularly saucy pieces of mining equipment, for example."
Soo: [OOC] Remember the good old days when I was confused enough by this group and this game that we didn't have to have these sort of conversations?
Ian: [OOC] It was a happier time, for sure.
Kyle: [OOC] I was just trying to add some fluff to my character so I figured I would have him interact more realistically with the game world.
Ian: [OOC] Hmm, that is true.
Soo: [OOC] I never really had Bailey pegged for a pervert.
Kyle: [OOC] Since when is finding a woman attractive considered perverted.
Soo: [OOC] Since you apparently devised two entire systems of measuring the quality of a woman's ass.
Joe: [OOC] It's adorable that you think there's only two.
Dane: [GM] If Bailey is going this way, I might just start providing the information up front.
Kyle: [OOC] It's just a character trait, not a complete devolution of his character.
Joe: [OOC] Up until now your character traits have been a thick accent and predisposition to failure. Adding in perversion might be an improvement.
Dane: [GM] At the top of hill to the far back of the property you see a man sitting on a wooden crate. He has a rifle in his lap and he's smoking a pipe.
Joe: [OOC] Details, details. I demand to know the quality of this guard's ass.

Monday, April 14, 2014

96- Wave of Stupid

Dane: [GM] Jenise Langley puts her gun down as she ushers you inside and slams the door. "Dammit I told Gus not'a just drive anyone up here. You lot are from Himmult's chapter, yes?" she asks.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "From ain't the word I'd be usin'. More like he was the first guy we met."
Joe: [GR-210] GR buzzes about. "What my friend is trying to say is that we were introduced to the Order by Dr. Himmult. We haven't yet received any kind of training so we wouldn't really consider ourselves in it yet."
Dane: [GM] Jenise nods. "Well if trainin' is your goal then you came to the right island. I'll walk ya up to the training camp once I close things up 'ere."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We could just take a map. No need to go all the way out for us."
Joe: [OOC] Mari: the polite doomsday cultist.
Dane: [GM] "As you might be expectin', we aren't too keen on documents here-abouts. Rather not give you a map ya can lose and some infidel can follow."
Kyle: [OOC] Infidel? I knew they were a cult, I didn't think they were al-Qaeda.
Dane: [GM] They're an organization defined by a religious pretext. Infidel would be an appropriate term for outsiders. Cliche movie Islamists don't own it.
Joe: [OOC] Soo, you're Muslim, what is your opinion on Dane's horrific racism?
Soo: [OOC] Assuming I have an opinion on the use of the word 'infidel' like there's some kind of religion-wide copyright is probably vastly more racist than... wait is that even the word? I mean 'racist' implies 'race' not religion...
Dane: [GM] In the interests of not offending Soo, I will change the last line to 'non-believer'.
Joe: [OOC] Bwahah! This is great. Dane's fear of offending people is bending  the game universe.

Soo: [OOC] Religionist? Nah that sounds odd. There's got to be a word for it. Theologist? No...
Ian: [OOC] I think we lost Soo for a while guys.
Kyle: [OOC] You know, now that I think of it we're not too heavily armed. That could be offensive to American second-amendment activists. Maybe you should retcon it so we all have assault weapons Dane. You wouldn't want to violate our constitutional rights.
Dane: [GM] There are no constitutional rights! This game takes place in a autocratic empire!
Joe: [OOC] A complete lack of rights? Now you're offending huge chunks of the population. You better retcon it so this at least a republic. I'll be a representative of course.
Dane: [GM] Even if the Imperia was a republic, why would GR-210 be a representative?
Soo: [OOC] Ideologist would cover both religions and non-religious philosophies but I think that's already a word for something else.
Ian: [OOC] I would tell you to give up on this Soo, but I think fixating on it is the only thing protecting you from the waves of stupid crashing down around you.
Joe: [OOC] Well obviously to represent the interests of adventurers specifically.
Kyle: [OOC] I see how it is now. Adventurers tend to not have permanent addresses, engage in dangerous lifestyles and probably don't pay taxes. Is that it? Are you saying that adventurers don't count because we're on the margins of society?!
Joe: [OOC] I'm sorry GR-210's family couldn't get him into a nice business school Dane! I'm sorry he wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth!
Dane: [GM] He doesn't have a family! He's a ROBOT.
Joe: [OOC] And now we're saying orphans don't have rights?!
Ian: [OOC] I know OOC is outside of the flow of game-time, but I like to believe the party is standing still staring into space while this happens.

Friday, April 11, 2014

95- Meta

Dane: [GM] The truck stops at the base of a hill. A small stone retaining wall runs around the hill but it is clearly for sheep and you could easily walk over it. A small farmhouse sits near the top of the hill. Gus grumbles. "Gus want yall ta' tell Langle'h he ain' a taxi service."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey climbs out and looks around.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari escapes the vehicle as quickly as possible and tries to stabilize her stomach.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali hops out.
Joe: [GR-210] GR hop out... oh wait!  No he doesn't! Because he's inherently better than everyone else and can FLY.
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle gets out of the front seat and walks around to meet the group as Gus drives away.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Wha'tta odd feller."
Dane: [Danielle] "For an uneducated farmer with a distinct issue with pronoun  usage, he actually is very well-read on the topic of philosophy. I think I now have a term for the degenerating, doomed outlook I have on life."
Joe: [OOC] I always thought of Danielle as an existential nihilist.
Kyle: [OOC] I always thought of Danielle as an amalgam of disturbing characteristics.
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali starts to walk toward the house. "Time to get this started. Now stay in character everyone."
Joe: [OOC] We're roleplaying characters who are roleplaying characters. This is getting delightfully meta.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari follows along, looking at the farm.
Kyle: [OOC] I think Bailey has the Shadowrun core rulebook in his gear. We can get this even more meta.
Soo: [OOC] So I would RP Kali, who is RPing a con artist, who is RPing a cyberpunk mercenary?
Ian: [OOC] Until that mercenary buys a copy of the DnD books and starts being a wizard.
Joe: [OOC] And then that wizard uses a wish spell to order the rules for Eldaria where she starts to RP a rich noblewoman with one arm...
Soo: [OOC] Keep the plot going without me, I think I'm getting a nosebleed.
Joe: [OOC] Come on Ian. Let's go RP d20 Modern characters who are playing a game of Exalted.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey walks up to the door of the farmhouse and knocks on it. "Eyo! We were sent 'ere by doc' Himmult."
Joe: [OOC] REAL subtle Kyle.
Kyle: [OOC] Why would we be subtle if we're legit cultists? This is just sealing the deal.
Joe: [OOC] Somehow I think even actual apocalyptic cultists are more subtle than that.
Dane: [GM] Jenise Langley comes to the door, a shotgun in hand. She is a youngish woman, probably in her mid-twenties with dark brown skin and black hair. Her clothing is typical of a farmer but her manner of holding that gun looks a bit more professional than a bumpkin with a boomstick. "Will you keep it down out here?! I ain't runnin' an in'fermation booth."
Ian: [OOC] Some day we'll meet a character who doesn't speak with apostrophes and I'm going to be ever so happy.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

94- Continuity Police

Dane: [GM] The ride to the Langley farms is bumpy as Gus the farmer may not be the world's most professional driver. The truck bounces along the unpaved trails of the island and as the group sits in the bed you can feel every single rock of the way. This truck either has a suspension made of demon bones or the whole truck is favored by a god or two. Danielle is in the seat up front purely so I don't have to play her.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari looks a little ill as everyone bounces around. "I take back what I said about liking this place. I think I'm about hurl."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali pats Mari on the shoulder. "Now now Mari, a lady does no 'hurl'. We usually wrench, heave or blow chunks."
Joe: [OOC] Oh, a bodily fluid joke. I see we're getting classy.
Soo: [OOC] You usually do worse.
Joe: [OOC] But with a sense of style. My insults to good taste are fluid and clever like a cow pie being thrown at an opera singer.
Kyle: [OOC] That's an oddly specific description.
Joe: [OOC] And now you know why I can't go to student theater productions at the university anymore.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey smirks at Kali's remark. "Jus' keep yer pinkie up while ya do it an' you'll be fine Ian."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Ian?"
Kyle: [OOC] Dammit I slipped character! Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!
Joe: [OOC] Wooooop! Wooooop! Continuity police! You can't because Soo just acknowledged it in character! Now it's set!
Soo: [OOC] Did I do something wrong?
Ian: [OOC] Its okay, I got this. Soo, hold on to the other end of this thread of logic, I'm going to rappel down and attempt a rescue!
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari winces a little. "Never told you about my embarrassing middle name Kali? My parents really wanted a son."
Joe: [GR-210] "Bah, names. Organics should number themselves like we machines do. Especially with all that dying and reproducing you insist on doing."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I had an older brother named Ian. He died before I was born. I think the name was a way of coping for them."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali gives Mari a big hug. "I'm sorry to hear that. If it means anything, I think it works just fine with you."
Kyle: [OOC] Not sure if that's just general pleasantry or Kali thinks Mari is mannish.
Soo: [OOC] Its the grunting and bum-scratching. She doesn't want to be specific but it's getting out of hand.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Sorreh Mari. Was thinkin' bout it fer some reason. Probably 'cus yall talkin' about lady stuff."
Ian: [OOC] I think that was a sufficiently good save.
Soo: [OOC] I'm impressed you managed to pull that out of your head so fast.
Kyle: [OOC] Thanks for the cover Ian. 
Joe: [OOC] I'd say he pulled it out of somewhere. Not sure if I would say it was his head.
Dane: [GM] I approve of all character exposition that doesn't require me to contribute. It's the cruise control of GMing.

Monday, April 7, 2014

93- Chaotic Evil Party

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali sighs again and looks around for some kind of transportation.
Dane: [GM] There's a farmer with a truck by the side of the station. It looks like he just finished unloading stuff from his bed and is preparing to depart.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I bet that farmer could get us to Jenise Langley's farm."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "How do we know he's even going in that direction?"
Ian: [OOC] ... Damn it. How do you say "because Dane wouldn't have told us otherwise" in character?
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Call it a hunch."
Kyle: [OOC] Very easily Ian. Gut feelings are the spackle of narrative.
Joe: [OOC] You know, like how on the old Superfriends show they would always come up with the solution to a problem with a vocalized, meandering thought process.
Ian: [OOC] Oh yeah. "The Riddler said Aquaman was in for a 'cold reception'. Cold... snow... winter... seasons... fall... He's going to throw Aquaman off Niagra Falls!"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali walks over to the farmer. "A good day to you sir. We just got here and we need a ride to a farm. Can we commission your truck?"
Dane: [GM] The farmer tilts his head. "Gus dun' like strangers. Specially not strangers what talk funny."
Joe: [OOC] Dear God, it's worse than I thought. We're not just in New Zealand, we're in the deep south of New Zealand.
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey walks up. "Dun' mind the missus Gus, she ain' used tah bein' outta the city an' all."
Dane: [GM] Gus the farmer smiles at Bailey. "Now sum'muns talkin' sense. Sah wassa buncha city-slickers doin' out 'ere anyhow."
Joe: [OOC] Betcha Bailey can squeal like a piggy.
Dane: [GM] As Gus talks Mari notices something. Under his overalls, Gus has a tattoo. A tattoo that looks an awful lot like the insignia of the Order of the Opening Eye!
Soo: [OOC] I'm going to try very hard not to wonder why Mari was looking down a redneck's pants in the first place.
Joe: [OOC] Overalls aren't pants Soo. They're a lifestyle choice. You know, like wearing sandals with sweatpants or trolling Youtube.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "We've come for some enlightening sight-seeing." Mari horribly elongates the word enlightening while pointing to her eye."
Dane: [GM] "Gus is thinkin' Gus is gettin' the idea. Yer here tah see Jen up at the ol' Langley stead, yeah?"
Joe: [GR-210] "That was who Dr. Himmult told us to see."
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle looks around, making sure no one else is listening. "My lord, please be more subtle."
Joe: [GR-210] "Now now my dear. You should know the only thing subtle about me is the political subtext in everything I say.
Joe: [OOC] Hey kids, here's a fun game! Try to figure out GR-210's political alignment based on things he says and does!
Ian: [OOC] Is 'Chaotic Evil' considered a political alignment?
Kyle: [OOC] Usually when someone says chaotic evil party, they mean that disastrous 'all evil' campaign that every RPGer experiences once in their life.
Joe: [OOC] We believe in equality for all: the same degree of depraved violence for everyone regardless of race, creed or orientation.
Soo: [OOC] "Vote Chaotic Evil: All Politicians are Evil, We're Just Honest Too"

Friday, April 4, 2014

92- Pro-Techie

Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali sighs and looks around a little. "That does bring up a good point, however stupidly: how are we going to find this cult?"
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari taps her chin. "We should probably gather some information on the local population and see what leads develop."
Joe: [GR-210] "Right-o! Okay it's time to gather information! Bailey and Danielle will round up the townsfolk and I'll ask the questions. Kali and Mari will be in charge of slowly cutting off people's fingers so they know we're serious!"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] Bailey shrugs. "The doc said he'd beh settin' us up with fake credentials an' such. Figure'd tha'd come with a contact er two."
Kyle: [OOC] Before anyone asks, I am not finding a way to accent the word 'credentials'.
Dane: [GM] The information you were given by Dr. Graham points you to go speak to a woman named Jenise Langley, a farmer in the northern hills. She's your 'in' with the cult.
Joe: [GR-210] "Right then! Change of plans. We'll round up this one person, then cut off her fingers to show we're serious."
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle looks at her fidgeting hands and mutters to herself. "We should start with the pinkie since it's the smallest. Save the thumb for last..."
Kyle: [OOC] Okay, is it seriously too late to get that lab tech from a little bit ago instead of Danielle? Did she even have a name? Lets just call her Techie. I want Techie.
Soo: [OOC] I'm fairly pro-Techie, but I consider myself a swing voter.
Ian: [OOC] Someone could log some points in order to get her on the team.
Dane: [GM] You people barely remember you have one NPC follower, I'm not letting you get another.
Joe: [OOC] But we'll feed it and walk it every day!
Dane: [GM] Not till you finish your vegetables!
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari sighs. "I think we can accomplish this entire process without cutting off anyone's fingers."
Joe: [GR-210] GR does a little loop. "Oh sure, we CAN get this done without pointless and sadistic brutality, but do we WANT to?"
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "YES."
Joe: [OOC] Come on. It'll be cool. Just like that scene in Reservoir Dogs.
Ian: [OOC] I think you're thinking of the Alex Cross movie... not sure how you're confusing those.
Joe: [OOC] They're similar films.
Ian: [OOC] They're literally 20 years apart in age, by completely different people and share absolutely no plot relation to each other.
Kyle: [OOC] We're spending way too much time on this subject.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari starts looking around. "Do you think this island has cab service or are we walking?"
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "It's a livestock industry island Mari, we might be able to get riding animals at least."
Kyle: [Bailey Hunt] "Yeah but i'sa sheepin' island."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] "Ooh, I wonder if we can get really sturdy sheep to ride."
Ian: [OOC] Betcha Techie could have built us a cab. She's so cool.
Kyle: [OOC] Yeah. Remember that time at spring break? Techie was awesome.
Soo: [OOC] Remember when the rich old guy was going to bulldoze the youth center but Techie won the surfing contest and saved the day?
Dane: [GM] Stop elevating background characters in my lore!
Joe: [OOC] We could just go back to killing them all instead.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

91- A Place with Tacos

Dane: [GM] You guys want to move on to the next chapter of the story?
Joe: [OOC] I would say I've already won this one, so yes.
Soo: [OOC] How did you 'win' a tabletop RPG?
Joe: [OOC] Well, at the end of this chapter I can fly. Kali is a wanted criminal. Mari and Bailey are still themselves, which is its own loss. Therefore I'm the only person who is finishing the chapter better than they started.
Ian: [OOC] Hey! Mari... I think she did something... Wow, did I really peak at getting a shotgun?
Kyle: [OOC] I have low expectations of Bailey. He keeps living and I keep playing him. It's that kind of relationship.
Ian: [OOC] Given some of your rolls, 'he keeps living' is kind of a win by itself.
Joe: [OOC] Quickly Dane! The plot! Assessing progress is one step from realizing that you could have used the time spent playing the game to develop a real-life skill!
Soo: [OOC] But you started it...
Joe: [OOC] Exactly! I started it! ME! That should be plenty of indication NOT to do it.
Dane: [GM] Three days pass and you are at a train station. You are surrounded by the rolling green hills and sheep of the Imperial-held island of Carna. A pleasant and idyllic little province that's traditionally been a stable part of the empire as a whole. Not a whole lot goes on here because there really isn't much to do: the scarce local industry is mostly sheep and other livestock. Dr. Graham thinks that the Order of the Opening Eye has taken advantage of the local peace to set up a secret training camp in the mountains of the island. 
Joe: [OOC] Sheep, quiet, green fields and secret cults of doom. Leave it to Dane to have a fantasy world of infinite possibilities and make New Zealand instead.
Soo: [OOC] I don't think there's a lot of secret cults of doom in New Zealand.
Joe: [OOC] You don't know the Kiwis like I do Soo. I know the blackness inside them.
Kyle: [OOC] If this is a rural island, where does the train go?
Dane: [GM] The train station you are at is the only one on the island and doesn't run anywhere. It was built at the single port settlement of Carnaville in the hopes of connecting future towns that might be settled. However, no such towns have yet been built.
Ian: [Mari Shasho] Mari breathes deeply of the air. "Dang it! It's so good to be out in the fresh air again! I think I already like this place."
Joe: [GR-210] GR flutters about, looking around. "Don't say that Mari. Every time we like someplace, something bad usually happens."
Dane: [Danielle] Danielle nods weakly. "We do tend to be the harbingers of unfortunate consequences..."
Joe: [GR-210] "Hey! You're right Danielle! Maybe infiltrating this cult won't be so hard. We're pretty good at causing the apocalypse."
Soo: [Kali dVostog] Kali ducks to avoid GR. "Oh yes, that's very subtle. Just announce that we're here to do that. It will make it ever-so easy."
Joe: [GR-210] "I think it's pretty clever. Kind of like hiding in plain sight. No one will suspect that the people claiming to be infiltrating a cult are actually here to do that."
Ian: [Mari Shasho] "I think you're confusing 'clever' with 'idiotic'."
Soo: [OOC] Can I also request that GR-210 never be described as 'fluttering' again. I think Joe is ruining butterflies for me.
Joe: [OOC] Hey that's how I should infiltrate the cult. We'll make me a butterfly costume and I'll pretend to be an evil butterfly.
Ian: [OOC] You know, it's funny. There's so many logical issues with that idea that I just... can't figure out how to discredit it. I know it can be, but to encapsulate everything wrong with it is just beyond the capacity of the English language.
Kyle: [OOC] You know Dane, I was going to type what Bailey was doing but if I don't can he just not be here at all?
Dane: [GM] Sometimes I just close my eyes while I GM and pretend I'm in a completely different place. A happy place. A place with tacos and a lack of human beings.