Wednesday, June 20, 2012

8- Break

Dane: [GM] I gotta hit the loo guys. Let's take a short break anyhow. 
Soo: That's why I played a character who doesn't talk much. I've been to the bathroom twice since we started, no one even noticed I was gone.
Ian: Twice?
Joe: Soo has a bladder the size of a walnut.
Kyle: Is this conversation point really pressing?
Joe: Hey, if Emo-Stain is gonna hit on a woman, he may as well know all the details.
Ian: Hey!
Soo: Someone's hitting on me?
Kyle: Ian being single doesn't mean he's hitting on Soo.
Joe: Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Nerds are like hydrogen and oxygen. Deep down, the unjoined ones want to get together and make something wet.
Soo: That's the most disgusting, and possibly illogical analogy I've heard all day from you. I don't know. I'm not a chemist.
Ian: So wait. If nerds are hydrogen and oxygen, whose the other hydrogen in H2O?
Joe: The Filipino transvestite you hired on Craigslist for 50 bucks to choke you while you pleasure yourself. Obviously. Unless you want to be in one of those super-tame carbon monoxide relationships.
Soo: Am I the only one here troubled by the fact Joe's the only married one here?
Kyle: Soo, Dane is as asexual as a sponge. Ian hasn't had a date since high school. I'm 23 and dating a college freshman who thinks I'm "deep and mature". Joe isn't just the married one, he's quite possibly the only one with a constructive relationship.
Soo: Ian, why does Joe keep calling you an emo?
Joe: Because rudimentary trait identification is a hallmark of cognitive development.
Ian: I... um... 
Ian: Went through a 'phase', when I was a freshman. You know, people reinventing themselves, trying new things, trying to find what's inside.
Joe: ... and Ian found bad haircuts and The Cure.
Ian: I grew out of it pretty fast, but certain people. don't believe in letting shit go.
Joe: Emo-Stain, I have an ALBUM of that shitty monochrome photography you used to put up on the internet. I have more pictures of underdeveloped, crying kids than a pedophile's scrapbook.
Joe: And when you die, I'm putting it in the casket right under your slit wrist tattoo. 
Dane: [GM] Okay I'm back. 
Dane: [GM] ...
Dane: [GM] Joe, what the fuck is wrong with you.
Joe: 50 bucks is actually pretty much the going rate for that. Shop around. I know I have.

Friday, June 15, 2012

7- Avant Garde Fireballs

Ian: Okay, one mark. Any complications?
Dane: [GM] Nah, just a bunch of random blunt trauma. 
Soo: Kali climbs out of the wreckage, but is too distracted with the bad guys to care about the car. She pulls out her holdout pistol.
Joe: Even though being crushed inside a car is the robot version of the best sex ever, GR210 bursts out of the metal shell "I'll never call you again after this!" he says to the crashed car.
Kyle: Bailey pushes himself off the steering wheel and gets his hat back on. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" He repeats to himself and pulls out one of his revolvers as he gets out of the car too.
Ian: Mari climbs out of the passanger seat, holding her side and groaning. "That hurt."
Dane: [GM] The goons rifles are aimlessly pinging against the car body and the trees around you. One gets a clear sight of GR210 as he bursts out of the vehicle and takes a shot at him with a hunting rifle
Dane: [GM] The bullet hits GR210, but it does not penetrate his specially treated armored plates.
Joe: I'm just that amazing baby. I flip him off.
Kyle: I take a pot shot at the man who shot at Joe.
Dane: [GM] It's not a skill check, so of course Kyle succeeds for once. A critical hit actually. The shot flying right into the man's head, blowing it open like a watermelon.
Kyle: Like a boss.
Dane: [GM] That leaves three more.
Soo: "Mari, do you want a little help with the incinerating? I don't think I've got the skill and pistol range for this."
Ian: Mari nods "Sure!"                                                                                                                                                                       
Soo: Okay, I'm going to use Channel Psionics to boost Kali's firepower.
Joe: You have psionics?
Soo: Only Channel Psionics. It lets me give up my own casting for rest of the encounter to power up a teammate.
Joe: But you have no oth... oh... 
Joe: Clever, clever.
Dane: [GM] Mari feels a surge of psionic power. It will upscale the magnitude of any casting you do.
Ian: Gotcha. "Let's rain some fire!" she says as she warms up the new-found power and throws it in a fireball toward the men at the log in the road.
Joe: If you light this forest on fire, I'll roll in it till I'm red hot, then violently have my way with every last one of you.
Dane: [GM] The fireball streaks over the heads of the three men, exploding over the one in the middle in a huge burst of fire.
Joe: Fireballs that burst into fire. This is a very avant garde setting.
Dane: [GM] Two of the men are blasting hard into the soil, clearly smashed under the force of the explosion. The last man is thrown clear by the blast, landing in the brush on the side of the road.
Kyle: "Looks like we got one survivor!"
Ian: "After him!"

Sunday, June 10, 2012

6- Drive Check!

Ian: "Let's head back to town. We'll sort everything else out there."
Joe: GR210 has no patience for activities that don't result in killing people. 
Soo: "I agree. Let's go get back to town." I stow my pistol and head back to the car. "I'll call the police to the crime scene. Hopefully they can bring Archibald back in for a proper burial.
Ian: Mari nods, taking off one of her numerous sashes and putting it over the dead butler respectfully. She mutters a few prayers.
Joe: A sash ain't gonna do it Ian. Probably better off getting a bag or a bucket.
Soo: Can anyone drive well? He was our driver.
Soo: Kali is a noblewoman, I figure she can pay for a car, she'd probably not be a proficient driver. Kyle, you're the multi-tasker.
Kyle: Bailey cracks his knuckles "What model motorcar is this?"
Soo: "A Santelli Model 23"
Kyle: "Good production run. I can make this kitten purr."
Ian: Mari trots over to the front passenger seat and hops in. "Nice leather seats!"
Ian: Shotgun bitches.
Joe: Keep blending your name and the word 'shotgun' in my mind Ian.
Joe: The spectacular soldered super soldier gets into lumbers in, filling an entire row of seats.
Soo: Kali, finding herself shunted to the rumble seat of her own damn car, settles in.
Kyle: "Let's roll!"
Dane: [GM] The party drives back toward the city, rumbling along the country roads. The driving is about as good as you could hope.
Kyle: "I could have been a good driver if I hadn't chosen the freewheeling life of an adventurer."
Joe: Must be so hard being an anachronistic cliche.
Dane: [GM] Suddenly, you see a large log that's been laid across the road ahead of you. Two men jump up from behind it and begin firing on you with rifles!
Soo: "It must be the rest of the kidnappers!"
Kyle: Is there enough room to get around the log?
Dane: [GM] Close, but it'll be narrow.
Kyle: Okay then, drive check!
Dane: [GM] I didn't know rolls that low were possible dude...
Kyle: The fuck?!
Joe: You really didn't specialize in anything dude?
Kyle: Little bit of everything seemed appropriate for my role!
Joe: What the hell does playing a role have to do with roleplaying?!
Soo: How bad is it Dane?
Dane: [GM] The car veers wildly off the road and smashes into a tree.
Dane: [GM] Okay I did the rolls. Everyone's fine...
Ian: Ah, good.
Dane: [GM] Except you Ian. You took one mark of damage.
Kyle: He typed out the '...' Ian, it was practically a trap.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

5- Do What You Know

Ian: Mari runs over to GR210 and says "Wait! We should interrogate him!"
Joe: GR210 hears the noise of the woman's request, yet feels oddly compelled to ignore whiny women played by mop-topped emos. 
Soo: You're nuts Joe.
Kyle: Bailey spins one of his revolves and shoots the ground between them. "Now now folks, no need to get all torn up.
Kyle: We'll interrogate him, THEN Joe can get his kill
Joe: I like this plan. 
Ian: Mari warms up a fireball in her palm, the orange light glowing along the gold thread accents of her clothes. "We'll get as much as we can out of him first!"
Kyle: "Lemme handle it, I've got more than a little experience putting the screws to folks."
Kyle: I got a couple points in Interrogate.
Dane: [GM] You have points in Interrogate?
Kyle: I have a little bit in everything. I walk up to the man pinned under the robot and say "Well now, the noblewoman over there was nice enough to bring the money and my P'Tashi associate was nice enough to give us lighting for this chat. Why don't you tell me what want to know, eh?"
Dane: [GM] Sorry Kyle, he seems very obstinate. He tells you "Go to hell cowboy!"
Joe: Kyle, Kyle, never learn your lesson. Capable at too many things, great at none.
Kyle: Dammit.
Joe: The glorious battle machine raises it's arm and balls up a fist. Steam vents as power wells up in his magnificent robotic fist!
Dane: [GM] You failed even worse than Kyle did Joe. You have 0 points in Interrogate.
Joe: Oh well, passing that would have made this next part more satisfying because it would have pissed off Kyle. I deliver a driving punch to the man's face.
Dane: [GM] *sigh* You punch the man's skull into a paste with a single blow...
Joe: I demand to know A) if any chips of brain and skull fly off and B) if any of those chunks land in Ian's character's mouth.
Dane: [GM] No Joe.
Joe: The point is Kyle, know what you do and do it well. What I do is put holes in people who may or may not deserve it.
Ian: Mari sighs and walks over to the Kali. "Are you okay ma'am?" She gives a polite bow.
Soo: Kali nods and says "I'm fine thank you. It seems we're out of people to talk to. This makes the hunt for Mr. Johnson a dead end."

4- The Gang Arrives

Dane: [GM] I can't believe you Joe.
Dane: [GM] Ian, Kyle, you're characters jump in on this scene.
Soo: Archibald... I had such plans for you.
Kyle: A gunshot cracks through the air as a dashing man in a duster jumps down from one of the trees. He casts aside his bowler hat and spins his pair of revolvers. "That's just about enough, boys!" he says.
Soo: A heroic adventurer!
Joe: Someone with the potential to steal my kills!
Ian: A character who isn't mine.
Joe: Shut up Ian.
Ian: Wanted to be part of the moment.
Soo: I call out to the man and ask "Are you here to help us?"
Kyle: I nod my head. "A lady in distress? A bunch of murderous thugs? This is my kind of party! Bailey Hunt, freelance adventurer at your service."
Ian: Mere seconds later, a fireball streaks across the scene, lighting all the combatants briefly. A woman in brightly colored orange clothes jumps out from behind a bush. "I hope you weren't going to leave me out of this Bailey!" she calls out. "Mari Shasho, finest pyromancer in the Southern provinces is on the scene!"
Soo: That's you?
Joe: Ian likes to play chicks.
Ian: Don't embarass me.
Soo: Nothing wrong with experimenting.
Kyle: Don't mind Joe, Ian.
Dane: [GM] We can discuss gender exploration later. Plot now.
Soo: I've drawn my pistol and aim it at the ringleader... WHO IS NOT MY BUTLER. "Looks like the odds just got a little more balanced."
Dane: [GM] The gang leader seems unbalanced by the sudden change of fortunes. He starts to run! The men around him begin to fire blindly to cover their retreats into the woods.
Joe: My XP is escaping!
Kyle: This game doesn't even use a per-kill XP system.
Joe: No mercy! I use my piston-launch leg mechanisms to launch myself at Archibald's fleeing accomplice!
Dane: [GM] You fling forward, flying down on the ringleader and smashing him onto him with your full weight.
Joe: Is he dead?
Dane: No, but he's crippled.
Joe: I'm going to enjoy this...
Kyle: Giving Joe a crippled, but alive, enemy is like giving him a pinata.

3- How I Killed Your Follower

Dane: [GM] The kidnappers are at their car on the other end of the road. One man in an overcoat walks forward and nods. "Do you have the money?" he asks.
Soo: I reply "Yes, I have the money." while holding up the case. "Where is Mr. Johnson?" 
Ian: We're playing Shadowrun now?
Kyle: We would be, but it's on the list of games Joe has broken.
Dane: [GM] Suddenly, a far larger number of men appear out of various points of cover along the road wearing vests stitched with decorative purple facing. Some of the men sport top hats and bowlers, all trimmed with a similar material. They hold pistols and shotguns.
Soo: It's a trap!
Joe: The magnificent automaton suddenly realizes what's going on. The men, the money, the betrayal. There was only one explanation!
Dane: [GM] The men ready their weapons and the leader informs you that you'll be allowed to leave intact if you politely put the money down and walk away.
Ian: Just walk away... you can put an end to all of this... Just walk away.
Dane: [GM] Gonna kill you Ian.
Soo: I reach into my jacket for my holdout pistol. "Quickly!"
Joe: "We fight this fight and we die Kali'nari. Of course, that's what the REAL ringleader wants, doesn't he?!"
Soo: The whatnow?
Kyle: And we've started...
Joe: "The only man who would truly benefit! The kidnapping is all just a clever ruse to get you out here. He'll claim your vast riches if you die!"
Dane: [GM] Should I even stop him?
Kyle: You say it like it's possible.
Joe: "It was you who set us up, you bastard!" I scream as I turn around and fire off my pneumatic piston punch into Archibald!"
Dane: Joe!
Joe: Hit?
Dane: [GM] Yes, fuck you.
Dane: [GM] Sorry Soo. Joe readies his fist and delivers a punishing pneumatic blow that punches cleanly through the COMPLETELY INNOCENT butler. He falls to the ground dead much to the vast confusion of the men trying to rob you.
Dane: [GM] If... if it's any consolation Soo, he died so quickly, he felt no pain.
Joe: The others should get a -2 penalty for the fear of seeing their ringleader dealt with so deftly.

New Site, Same Stuff

We've changed gears to a knew blog because even with the new blog linked up to my old AdSense account, it was giving me trouble accessing the data. Ignore it and carry on as normal.

2- Robo-Genitals

Dane: I think we'll do everyone else in the action so that the plot can move along. We're behind schedule.
Kyle: K
Ian: Who is opening the plot?
Dane: Joe and Soo, they're characters are plot-linked.
Kyle: What did you do you son of a bitch?
Joe: Nothing. I merely offered her suggestions on what stats to pursue. If they happen to be a positive resource for my character, that's just a bonny bit of synergy now isn't it?
Soo: Joe you used me?
Joe: Technically, I haven't.I just gave you enough metaphorical drinks to get the tail I need later.
Kyle: You're the only person on Earth who would use date-rape as a euphemism.
Dane: Let's just start, we'll shun Joe later.
Joe: My character is GR210, a Class-3 Steam Mech.
Kyle: An 8-foot tall, modular combat robot. Capable of massive, spur of the moment min/maxing by way of changing parts.
Joe: Yep. It's a shame the parts are prohibitively expensive for all but the most *pats Soo* affluent.
Soo: I could just, you know, NOT buy your customizable parts.
Kyle: Again, I think I love you.
Joe: You could. Except I intentionally made my stock configuration utterly useless. And if I die, I'm going to reroll an exact copy. You have a choice between using your limitless wealth to make me into a massive pimptacular killing engine, or burden the party with almost a full ton of useless copper.
Ian: Is it possible to visualize Joe saying something WITHOUT also adding an evil laugh and a volcano lair?
Dane: Not to my knowledge...
Dane: Let's get started.
Ian: Wee! Exposition.
Dane: [GM] It is the year 721 of the Imperial Reign. The last Emperor, Cassius Reveshad the Bloody Handed, has passed away after ruling for over 100 years. His daughter, the 59 year old progressive Hildiyara the First has taken the Imperial circlet. For the first time in the Imperia's history, there is talk of the nobles usurping the heir to the throne. The Empress has enacted polices in support of the working class, ostracizing the ruling elite. An cease-fire has been called on the front lines of the great war between the Imperia and it's foes in the Federation: the communistic Union, the Elven Tribes, the Xiao-Seng and the P'tashi desertfolk. The world is technically at peace, but it's closer to oblivion then ever before.
Joe: A cease-fire is just a fancy name for a mid-murder nap.
Dane: [GM] Amid this turmoil, life goes on. Young noblewoman Kali'nara d'Vostog and her...
Joe: Giant Best-Friend Robot.
Dane: [GM] I'm not saying that.
Soo: He's not saying that.
Dane: [GM] Fine. She and GR210, a steampunk robot she doesn't know, are traveling to a meeting outside of town by way of motorcar. You've been hired to carry out a money exchange for the safe return of Dillon Johnson, a local businessman who was kidnapped.
Soo: And Archibald.
Kyle: Who?
Soo: Archibald is my faithful driver and lackey. I got enough points in Status and Resources that I get a follower for free.
Dane: [GM] Yes, Archibald is driving the car.
Dane: [GM] You arrive at the meeting spot along a country road. The light is purple as the sun sets.
Soo: I get out of the car, grabbing the suitcase full of money. Archibald follows me. I ask the robot "Will you be coming?".
Joe: GR210, gets out of the car. Wherever the kidnappers are, they are surely impressed with his amazing robotic form. They've certainly begun to wonder both if he has functional robo-genitals and if it's hard to get him to use them. 
Ian: Is 'robo-genitals' a word?

1- Fiscally Min-Maxed

Dane: Hey man
Kyle: Hey
Kyle: Is Ian or Joe on yet?
Dane: No. Joe has to get the new person set up.
Kyle: New person?
Dane: Yeah. Three people is too hard to balance, Joe is bringing a college friend in.
Kyle: What's the catch?
Dane: There's Ian.
Kyle: Seriously though. What did you offer the devil for a spare soul?
Ian: Hai yall!
Ian: What?
Dane: Joe is bringing someone else in Ian. Kyle thinks I had to bribe him.
Kyle: Joe doesn't do things without a reason. AN EVIL REASON.
Dane: His terms were reasonable...
Kyle: Oh? Only half your firstborn child?
Ian: What was it Dane?
Dane: He just wanted my assurance that I wouldn't house-rule his first character down. It's fair.
Ian: Umm, Dane? That's like giving him a sturdy club and an ice floe full of baby seals.
Kyle: Baby seals with wads of money hidden inside and candy for organs.
Dane: If Joe is good at one thing, it's undermining my will anyway. It's more important we get another player to balance out the group.
Dane: I mean, do you really want to keep being a four-person RPG club for a sixth year?
Kyle: Valid, if not unpleasant.
Joe: Sup fags.
Kyle: Ever classy.
Ian: Hai!
Dane: Your friend coming?
Joe: Always right to business Dane. Always. She's all set up, she's just making dinner or something.
Ian: She?
Dane: Ian, for the love of all that is semi-holy don't hit on her just because she's female.
Ian: I'm a classy man of sophtacation.
Kyle: You misspelled 'sophistication'.
Joe: Hey.
Soo: Sorry I'm late. I let a pot of water boil over on the stove.
Ian: Hehe, been there. Thankfully, I'm an expert chef these days.
Dane: I swear Ian. I'll run across town, pull down your pants, and remove the bluer of your two balls with the flashing of a plastic spoon.
Soo: I'm getting the impression I came into this late...
Kyle: No, in this group, threats of genital mutilation are like 'hellos'.
Soo: You'll forgive me if I don't exactly play along just yet.
Dane: Anyhow. Let me look at everyone's character sheets. You can introduce them as we upload them for reference.
Dane: Everyone else knows, but I'll repeat it for Soo's sake: make sure you update your sheets with a fresh upload when you improve a stat okay?
Soo: Okay
Ian: Yes mom.
Soo: This is my character, Kali'nari d'Vostog.
Kyle: She has a full name Joe. The caliber of the group just went up a couple notches.
Dane: Interesting build. Have you played Eldaria before?
Soo: No, but I read the fluff material pretty heavily.
Soo: I used most of my points to front-load my Intelligence score. The rest I blew on enough points of Status to make myself a low noble.
Joe: Ah, wish fulfillment. In real life, she has to order off the dollar menu.
Soo: I can't wait to deconstruct YOUR character fatass.
Ian: Buuuurn.
Soo: Ride your horse somewhere else white knight.
Ian: Oh um, sorry.
Kyle: I... I think I love you.
Soo: The rest went into social skills and a lot of the Resources trait.
Ian: The one that gives you plot-justified money every week? How much?
Dane: 50,000 Imperial marques a week?!
Kyle: Shit. You're fiscally min-maxed.